Dealing with guilt the right way

One of the problems of being a committed Christian is that your conscience tends to become more and more sensitive. Things you did before that did not bother you, suddenly become sources of guilt when you fall into/ respond in the same old way to, entrenched hurts habits and hangups. It then becomes necessary to deal with guilt in a functional way (not beating up on oneself, not stuffing it and trying to ignore it).

Before I get into the functional way to deal with guilt, I want to mention that I was asked (under suspicion) by a non-Christian friend of mine (his own self description) about what motivates me. In other words what is in it for me? This is one of the things that the World does not understand, that the motives of the Christian are not purely selfish. Clearly we cannot fully get away from selfishness. No matter how mature in the Lord, we still see the World from behind our own two eyes! But when I fail (as we all do), it is precisely because I did or said or thought (attitude) something that was displeasing to Him. So what is my motivation? It is to please the Lord. It's easy to be distracted. There are many things including the trials and pains of life that tend to pull us away from our desire to please Him. Again as the Scriptures say “In many things we all fail.”

So back to dealing with the guilt we all have to deal with at times. I am talking here about true guilt (I did something wrong) as opposed to false guilt (guilt trips/shame - you are (I am) no good). As the conscience becomes more sensitive the feeling of having let Him down becomes heavier. The Scriptures again “there is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance.” Repentance is about turning away from something and turning to something (someone), turning to the Lord. What a faithful Friend. He is just not only to forgive but also to cleanse – the blood of Jesus – amazing. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Since we all fair, what is the difference between me and my friend? It is simply this, I am forgiven and cleansed. In this way (when we do repent and meditate on what He has done) our failures simply lead us closer to Him and will eventually fortify us, bring us into the security of His acceptance and set us free from the power of our failures. My guilt is gone, I've been set free. This is much better than beating up on me or stuffing or denying my guilt. Hallelujah what a saviour!

Do life's lessons get harder?

I keep coming back to a verse from James which instructs us to count it all joy in the midst of the trials of life. We all go through trials, and the way we deal with them says something about who we are, or about who we are becoming. Secular Psychology talks about acceptance which I am told is “a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest.” Biblical (as opposed to secular) wisdom both agrees and disagrees with the admonition to do this.

We can cause ourselves a great deal of grief when we are unable to accept or come to terms with what is happening around us and in us. And this lack of acceptance can be the very thing that either prolongs the pain or even makes the situation worse. The unwillingness or the inability to forgive, for example, can poison us and our relationships. There are times we need to forgive others for our own sake, and for the sake of those we love and who have to live with us! On the other hand there are times when acceptance without “without attempting to change it or protest” is nothing less than fatalism and capitulation.

The 12 step prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference” brings a more Biblical balance to the concept of acceptance. But the admonition in James is deeper still. However, the ability to go beyond just acceptance and enter into joy, is predicated in a faith in God who “works all things together for good for those who love Him.”

This faith "knows" that God is in control and that He will actively use even the evil things that happen to us to for our good. This knowing does not preclude working to change things, but when appropriate, it allows us to do so from a place of rest. He does not promise, by the way, that we will always understand how He can possibly work this or that for our good, but the knowing of faith, trusts that it is so. With the help He gives, it is then possible to have joy (different from happiness) even in the midst of life's difficulties. All this is available to all who choose to trust in Him. Even so, we have to grow into it, but when we do, even if life's trials do get harder, we will progressively be able to enter into His joy and peace. “Getting there, not yet arrived :)” P

Give the flesh an inch and it will take a mile!

We have all heard the saying that anything I enjoy is either illegal, immoral or it makes me fat! The problem I find in giving into my appetites (even if they are not in and of themselves sinful), is that giving in never satisfies me and, in ever increasing volume/frequency/intensity, I want more. I mean it's easier to refrain from adultery altogether than to just do it a little (it's a joke!).

In the good old King James version Paul talks about buffeting the body. He was not talking about indulging in all you can eat buffets, he was talking about his need of self discipline, and that the phenomenon described above was his reason for fasting. Reluctantly, kicking and screaming, I am seeing the need of this myself. If I give me and inch, it seems I at least want to take a mile!

The horse you ride is every hand as high as those of the Fundamentalists you so despise!

I am the first to admit that there are expressions of what is passed off as Christianity, that make me cringe. It is said that Jesus was full of grace and truth, when some of us who seek to follow him speak, it is not always grace and truth that comes out of the mouth, even when it it truth.

But those who follow Christ are not the only ones who lack grace in their speech, even when it is true. Again I am the first to admit that there are, and have been, gross injustices and even violence against those who are perceived as different. I want to apologize for this, it seems that there are many times we “know not what we do!” But, and I speak to both sides, is it true tolerance if we only tolerate those people and views with which we agree?

My response, stated in the head of this post, was to one who was showing the very same attitude and contempt as those he was lambasting. Unfortunately the liberal agenda, while it has many things to say that we need to hear, too often is saying them in a way that is fast becoming tyrannical. Christian Lawyers are being barred from the bar, Christian therapies are being literally outlawed, people of faith being denied access to training in psychiatry, and even to political parties. One has to wonder whatever happened to “I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” The tyranny of Political correctness intimidates into silence any and all dissension, and seems self righteously content to do this, even when what is spoken is spoken with grace. I came across this example recently. Watch and judge for yourself.

http://www.godvine.com/School-Administrators-Tried-to-Make-This-Boy-Deny-Jesus-3-Times-But-He-Wouldn-t-And-Now-Whoa--5526.html?utm_source=GodVine%20Daily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=06/20/2014

What people do not seem to realize is that it is only in a culture this has been heavily influenced by the Bible that democracy, human rights and equality can even be preached with a any expectation of being heard!

Consider it all joy when you fall into various trials. You're joking right?

The morning of the day I knew was going to be the most difficult in my life, I woke up with an old hymn on my heart:- “Oh joy that seeks me through the pain, I cannot ask to hide from thee. I trace the rainbow through the rain and feel the promise is not vain, that morn will tearless be.” Next came the memory of a verse from Hebrews speaking of Jesus “who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross despising the shame.” I felt I was being told that pain is a barrier the other side of which is joy.

I have wrestled with the admonition in the title of this post. I know at some level secular Psychology and even common sense will tell us that “it is no use crying over spilt milk.” Your (my) kicking, screaming and staying in denial is not going to help! So why not just suck it up and get on with life? It all makes perfect sense logically, but our emotions (mine in particular) are not necessarily subject to cold cool and hard logic. Even the best advice is more often than not far easier to say, than it is to do!

But for me, there is One who works in me both in my desire to do and in the wherewithal to do what otherwise would be impossible. I did kick and scream for a while, before I came to the stage where I can say that I am learning to stop fighting the people and circumstances I have no influence over. It's called acceptance. But I can also say that I really am finding that path, and that strangely the deeper the trial the more (with His help) I am able to stay close to the One who comforts and strengthens me. In fact I am even having joy in these times. So no I am not joking and, by the way in case you did not guess it, His name is Jesus!

You make me mad! Really?

How many times do we hear this, but how can someone force you to be mad? Am I without control over my reactions to what others say and do to us. Is there a “mad” gene within us that absolves us of any and all responsibility of taking control over our lives?

The teaching about Jesus being the God man is important here. Being God, Jesus shows what God is like ("If you have seen me you have seen the Father" – gracious, kind, loving full of grace and truth). Being man, Jesus shows us man as God intends man to be (Man? Women are off the hook! :)). He demonstrates grace, kindness, love, gentleness and (in terms of this post) self control (i.e. all the fruit of the Spirit). As thy drive cruel nails through His hands and His feet He prays “Father forgive them, they do not know what they do!” So did they make Him mad? In the moment of greatest pain He is forgiving and looking after His mother. How is this possible? Only by the Spirit, and again part of the fruit of the Spirit is self control.

Certainly we loose our temper at times (I have not yet arrived have you?). Part of the problem is that we have failed to exercise the self control of those who, with constant practice, have by the Spirit overcome the sinful nature. We do not have a choice about what wrong is done to us, but we do have a choice as to how we react to the wrong done to us. More often than not, our response to wrong done is wrong too. We are told to be angry and sin not, and to cease from wrath (getting mad – in particular allowing ourselves to be out of control). We (I) need to change these patterns. As for me, I am not yet what I should be, but thank God I am not what I once was!

On open letter to Emma Teitel concerning Trinity Western's covenant (Maclean's 12th May 2014)

Dear Emma,

Against what I consider my better judgement, I am finding your article on Trinity Western University (TWU) persuasive. I can see clearly, at least from your point of view, why you feel that lawyers graduating from TWU should not be allowed to practice law. The article is well thought out, well written and is perhaps one of the better representatives of your point of view.

On the other hand, I find your rewording of the TWU covenant as “in other words Gays are not welcome,” a bit puzzling. You yourself admit that this covenant has been in place for a long time, long before homosexuality was at the forefront of our thinking in terms of sexuality. Why do you not say heterosexuals are not welcome? Is that not equally logical (illogical)?

While it is certainly true that Gay rights have been trampled and need to be upheld, should we trample the rights of others in an attempt to rectify that? What about the rights of those of us who do not want to be defined by our sexuality, who want to find some shelter from the seductive forces of the current pseudo hyper sexuality of our society? Your article seems to trash any such rights. From the point of view of one who discovered the hard way that promiscuity is destructive in many ways, I also want to promote such rights which are increasingly being trampled.

I did not always felt the way that I feel today. I came to my current position by graduating from the school of hard knocks. I came to see that my self gratification was not about love, but rather selfishness, as I looked back on the trail of destruction and broken hearts (my own and others). Even after I stopped sleeping around, got married and was faithful to my wife, the addictive effects of my former behaviour continued to impact the intimacy in my marriage. I have come to feel that sexuality is a precious gift from God and not to be squandered and devalued outside of a monogamous life long relationship. I want better for my children and grand children, and hope that they can learn from what I now consider to be my wrong moves. Is this not what lies behind the impetus of the non-religious “second virginity” movement? Do not those of us who feel this way have rights too, or must we bow to the god of Political Correctness?

Respectfully Phil Heath