Homophobic - Hetraphobic

One good thing the Duck Dynasty dispute has done is to spark debate, at least for me. If we can listen to each other this will always be good. What tends to happen most of the time is that we hear only from the extremes, from the fanatics on both sides. In this scenario the one side cites violence against gays, the other the very existence of NAMBLA (North American Man Love Boy Association) whose stated goal (on it's web-site) is to legalize sex between adult males and underage boys.

When we listen only to those in our own camp we tend to make over generalized statements. “All religious people are homophobic, gay haters,” or “All gays are trying to push their homosexuality down our throats.” But not all religious people hate and fear gays, and not all gays want to seduce our children and ram their choices down our throats. But let's be honest, there are those I just described in both camps and such attitudes and resulting behaviours are wrong on both sides.

But where, when experimentation is increasingly being presented to our children as harmless, wholesome and healthy, are we allowed to to express concern over where we are going with this? Can anyone dispute the fact that the safest sex is abstention and/or life long monogamy between virgins. Is it hateful to say such things? Are such things in and of themselves homophobic? Why is it not also classified as hetrophobic? One has to wonder if we are afraid of the truth (aleuthiaphobic?)

Life long monogamy has been described as unrealistic, but Zulus and Puffins seem to have managed it. I admit that it is more difficult in the pornographic, hyper pseudo sexuality of our culture which, as I say, is increasingly encouraging our children to experiment with their sexuality! And how harmless is that when, for example statistics show that there are approximately 19 million new cases of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) per year in the US.

On of the thing that greatly concerns me, is the move to ban “reparative therapy” for teens with unwanted same-sex attraction. This is already in place in California, and New Jersey. It is of course being challenged. My understanding is that currently is has been upheld in California, but not in New Jersey. Such laws would (do) apply even to those who are experiencing sexual confusion as the result of abuse.

Surely we need to talk about these things, even if the tyranny of Political Correctness would seek to intimidate any and all opposition to its views into silence!

Should we tolerate intolerance?

It is not that long ago that I was convicted of judging those who judge. We are told not to judge lest we be judged. Judging is not the same as discerning that something is wrong (or disagreeable), judging adds the element of condemnation. We (I) get very close to obnoxious self righteousness when we (I) do this, and at the same time illustrate the truth of the saying that the condemnation of those who judge is just, because we do the very same thing!

Tolerance is different from judgmentalism. Tolerance allows that there is something wrong (or disagreeable), but neither judges nor sets up a campaign to wipe it out. Thus we do not want to tolerate child abuse or bullying, but we should certainly (with some qualifications) tolerate in society, such things as divorce, adultery, different religious beliefs and lifestyles that are different from ours.

The doctrine of Political Correctness (PC) started out right in that it wanted to correct certain injustices and intolerances. It was right to decriminalize homosexuality and to preach tolerance to (especially) religious communities which, at many times and in may places, were (are) not only intolerant but also judgmental. The problem with Political Correctness though (as with 99% of all movements that set out to correct injustices) is that the pendulum has swung over too far in the opposite direction. The thing about the pendulum, when it is swinging, is that it passes the point of balance at maximum speed!

In the case of Political Correctness, in the name of tolerance it has demanded nothing less that total agreement and full acceptance not only of persons, but of the accompanying teachings and lifestyles. When this is not forthcoming it accuses the opposition of fear and hate. Certainly these things exist but again it goes too far confusing disagreement with fear. It cannot see that you can disagree and still love, so it also confuses love with agreement. Thus PC demands dominance not tolerance, and in doing so, at many times and in may places, engages in flagrant intolerance, judgmentalism, fear and hate, the very things it accuses the opposition of.

In a nutshell Political Correctness in just about all its forms is intolerant of anything that does not fully embrace everything it advocates. In particular it is intolerant even of tolerance. I started off by asking if we should tolerate intolerance? The biggest problem I have with PC is that it does not even tolerate tolerance, and in the process it too does the very thing it condemns!

So obviously false, it had to be true!

I was being too clever by far. It was an ice breaker for a gathering of Celebrate Recovery. We had to say two things that were true and one thing that was a lie (good Christian game :) ). He was an MD and told us he had three kidneys. Possible, but a tad unlikely. It was so patently false, it had to be true!

This morning as I was reflecting on the Christmas story and how outrageous is it to expect us to believe it. Expected to believed that He was born of a virgin; that the blind saw and the lame walked; the lepers were cleansed the deaf heard; the dead were raised up and the poor had the gospel preached to them. Expected to believe that He was crucified for us for the forgiveness of our sins, that He was dead and buried (blood and water had separated as they pierced Him) and then He himself rose from the dead. Unbelievable or is it? Is it a complete fabrication, or so obviously false it has to be true?

So, was I just being naive to believe about the kidney, or was I being patently gullible? My problem is that I have seen so much. I have seen the blind see and the lame walk. I have been used, in Jesus name, to open the ears of a man who was 80% deaf (Proof? We found him later covering his ears to protect himself from the noise of the gathering). No I have not seen the dead raised, but I know people who I trust who have (the Bakers of “Iris ministries,” - I trust them implicitly).

One reaction to telling of miracles that I have seen, and others I am convince about, was to to be told “If all this were true, we would have heard about it." My answer is “We do hear, but we don't believe it. And we don't see as much, for example, as Iris ministries do, because we live in a culture of unbelief. So we don't expect, and we don't pray, so we don't get!” Even some Christians don't believe, even though we are told that such signs will follow those who believe! (Mark 16)

Consider this, most people have never really examined any of this with their adult mind. It is easy to dismiss Sunday School type versions of Christianity. One of the greatest pieces of evidence for its truth is found in Judaism. The scriptures foretold so much of of what I have mentioned above – the virgin birth (Isaiah 7:14) – miracles (Isaiah 35:4ff) the crucifixion and raising from the dead (Psalm 22 and Isaiah 53). The unfortunate divide between Christian and Jew ensures that Christianity has not meddled with the prophecies.

But consider also the very existence of Israel. I will scatter you (Jeremiah 9:16;13:24; 18:17 etc) ... I will gather you from the 4 corners of the earth (Isaiah 11:12, Isaiah 43:5 etc). How can a scattered nation survive 2,000 years of being scattered? And how about this "Can a nation be born in a day?" (Isaiah 66:8). Based on this, and long before it happened it was predicted and aided by leaders and friends of Israel such as Chaim Weizmann, Lord Balfour, George V and scores of others. Well it happened on May 14, 1948. There is so much more to say, but hey – this needs to be kept reasonably short or you'll stop reading. :)

So did buddy have three kidneys? No, I was being too smart for my own good! How about you, are you too smart for your own good dismissing Christianity out of hand? In terms of miracles perhaps as much as 2/3 are fake, but 1/3 genuine is a lot of genuine! I challenge you to check it out, there is so much to gain, peace and hope and joy and healing of the soul. Have a good “holiday-mas.” :)

Incomplete but accepted

If you think about it, most of us are out of balance. We are either too fat or too thin, too dumb or too smart for our own good, too rich or too poor (most of us feel we are in the latter category), but in either case never satisfied. We fight too much or too little, living in constant anger or in conflict avoidance. We have too much religion living by rules, rules and more rules, or we have too little, doing whatever our hearts desire (but with a whole bunch of unwanted consequences)! We love ourselves too much, thinking only of ourselves, or we love ourselves too little constantly beating ourselves up for our shortcomings and faults. We have too many regrets or none at all, we are too introspective or avoid self examination at all cost! We never admit it when we are wrong, or we are constantly apologizing for even the smallest thing!

We would do well to become more like little children. I don't mean childish. I mean more like little children in the way that they both forgive easily, and accept forgiveness, and then go on happily as if nothing has happened. I am talking about children who are parented well, whose parents exhibit these same qualities. Many of us were not parented this way, but then likely our parents were not parented this way either. But the child within longs for it, even when we are adults.

Perhaps it's no coincidence that we are told that in order to enter the Kingdom, we must become like little children. In the secure, safe environment of the loving parent the child can flourish and live in the balance of knowing they are incomplete but also knowing they are fully accepted. Though there are rules, it's not about rules, it's about the relationship. This is of course the ideal, in too many homes it is more about the rules than the relationship, in other homes there's neither rules nor relationship and in neither case is there safety, peace and security. Neither do the children of such homes grow up balanced.

I was not balanced either, and I am not saying that I have arrived now, but having entered into relationship with the perfect parent through the work of His Son, I am learning to rest in the assurance of His unconditional acceptance which allows me to be realistic about my imperfections, while at the same time not being overcome by them. I am finding peace in the middle ground so that I am not presumptions (i.e I can do what I like because God will forgive me that's His job!), and living in the ongoing cleansing provided by the blood, I am not constantly overwhelmed by guilt and shame! Forgiven and by His grace able to forgive, I am my heavenly Daddy's favourite child. You can be too. Not quite sure how that works but hey, I don't need to, I just need to feel it and accept it!

In order to become whole, the victim has to become a better person than the abuser!

I want to suggest that in order to become whole, the victim needs to forgive one who does not deserve it, he (or she) needs to not retaliate when provoked, he or she needs to remain calm and gracious in the face of hate and anger, to show mercy when all he or she has been shown is vengeance and malice and disrespect. But this is not maturity 101, these are difficult things to do and be, they exhibit characteristics that are at some level unnatural. They are however the characteristic and behaviours that bring a quality of life that is otherwise unavailable. How many do you know who are bitter and who also have joy? How many do you know who hold grudges and who also have peace, and hope and serenity?

The behaviours and characteristics described above flow out of Kingdom principles as taught, for example, by Christ. He told us “love your enemies, and do good to those who hate you,” and He told us He came that we might have life in all it's fulness. The principles and the promises are linked. You can be non-religious and live by Kingdom principle and they will still work! They say Nelsen Mandela was not religious (at least our beloved CBC does). However in a very practical way, he loved his enemies, and he not only thrived, he inspired and brought much healing to a divided nation. Yes you can be non-religious and live by Kingdom principles, and you can also be religious and not live by Kingdom principles. You might know some of these. The Pharisee is alive and well and living on planet earth! Well surviving anyway!

These things are, as I say, difficult. But it is easier for the Christian who has truly surrendered everything (or is in the process thereof – it is a process!). The reason is that in surrender he (or she) has access to resources the unbeliever does not have. Having made peace with God (through Christ) we have access to the Grace of God that enables us in all of these things. This is Romans chapter 5. In this Chapter, Paul also describes the process of overcoming through this enabling Grace. And overcoming is what in the end it is all about, overcoming through the very practical help (Grace) that God gives to those who fully cooperate with Him in the process of our becoming more like Him.

After we have made peace with God through Christ then next thing starts with a stop. We (yes me too) need to stop fighting the people and circumstances that God allows as part of His refining process. I am not suggesting we need to be door mats, but in my own experience I had to come to the place where I realized that I am the only one I can change, and only then with His help. The surrender of which I speak concerns letting go of lots of things. As the serenity prayer puts it “God grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Having prayed this, we then need to trust His promise that He will actively work out all things together for our good. With His help we can all be in the process of becoming better (in the way I described – not in a self righteous way) than those who often continue to hurt us. The enabling He provides also comes with hope and peace and joy and love. It's worth it all. I speak as one in process.

We are not what happened to us

I was reminded of this saying when visiting a dear friend recently. He was not part of the conversation, but the illustration of this principle in one who lived this out to the full (Nelsen Mandela) did not escape me. His life illustrates so clearly that we do not need to be for ever trapped and continually wounded by the bad things that have happened to us in the past. To come out of his three decades of unjust imprisonment, and show the kind of grace he did to those who so unjustly treated him, reminds me so much of the one to whom I owe my allegiance, Jesus of Nazareth, whose birth we will shortly celebrate (at least I will).

Most of us bear the scars of difficult happenstances, of bad things others have done to us, and of the consequences of our own poor choices. Anger, bitterness and self pity so often trap us in the past, and rob us of any kind of wholesome future. I don't know about you, but I want more than a life of quiet desperation. But is it hard sometimes to forgive, hard to put obsessive thoughts behind us, difficult to get past the pain of betrayals real and imagined, too easy to place blame and absolve ourselves of any wrong, to nurse the injustices and plot to get even. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt!

It does not help when others tell us “get over it.” They have not walked in our moccasins! Nevertheless getting over it is what needs to happen. What helped me to get over my own daemons was the discovery that I could have an ongoing relationship with the source of all love and peace and joy and hope. In finding intimacy with Him, I found healing and the wherewithal to continue, as I gave all my pain and anger and bitterness to the One who endured so much more than I ever will. In relationship with Him, I found release from the past, and so very much more. I even got to like myself. That was a big plus (when I stopped beating myself up!).

I am not saying I have arrived, I have not. I still struggle at times with all sorts of things, including my own selfishness. In fact in getting close to Him, I see that more and more clearly. But I would not have survived without Him. Some would call this a crutch, but to me it is more like a brand new pair of legs, and if we are honest, most of us are (or were) limping! Some of us are what happened to us, but we do not need to be!