The price of being real, the cost of not being

If you are open and vulnerable, you will not in general fit in. Some will look down on you, others will judge you. It's why most of us are covered. But not being open and vulnerable has its own costs. In particular we will not find deep intimacy either with God or others. It is said that being covered is it a disease among Pastors, most of whom seem to feel the need (or pressure) to appear strong. But is it when we are weak that we are strong (2 Corinthians 12:10 and January 12th post 2011). When we need to appear strong, what we are left with is just our own strength, and we are acting like “mere men” (1 Corinthians 3:3). As Christians, we are not intended to be mere men (or mere women), we are intended to walk in resurrection power (Philippians 3:10). There is a price to pay to do that (see next post), but there is also a cost if we do not avail ourselves of it. No one does it perfectly, but many unnecessarily live lives of quiet desperation.

The Scripture tells us that all who live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution (2 Timothy 3:12). While the application of this verse is much wider than the application I am talking about today, it is nevertheless very real and not a little subtle. Jesus encountered it in the beginning, with the religious. It started small and subtle, but it would eventually lead to His crucifixion.

People sometimes ask me if I am religious. My impression (but not necessarily theirs) of a religious person is someone who likes to be seen as a good person (righteous), and/or who knows he or she is right about God (and possibly everything else) and everybody else is wrong. “Our Church is the best, and every other Church comes in a poor second”. With regard to wanting to be seen to be good, who would not want that? The problem though, comes when we are not willing to be real, when we wear masks, and hold people at arms length so that they will not discover who we are. So when I am asked if I am religious, my answer is “God forbid”. But the shame fear control strongholds I was talking about last day, are everywhere, and they exert a pressure on us to hide our imperfections. The price of being real is that there will be times when you will be judged, dismissed or shamed. On the other hand, the cost of not being real is that we will remain isolated and wounded. This is because it is only when we “confess our faults one to another” (within a safe community) that we will be healed (James 5:16).

There is a book entitle “Hiding from love”. The title itself speaks to me. At some level we all do it. You see God is love, but we hid form Him in our shame. It's what Adam and Eve did when they sinned. But when we cover our sin and our shame we will not grow. In Proverbs 28:13 we are told “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Our sin/shame guilt separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2), and in fact from each other. On the other hand, the purposes of God have to do with bringing us back into relationship with Him and each other (Ephesians 1: 9,10). Jesus died on the cross to accomplish this, but to avail ourselves of it requires confessing/admitting and turning from our sin, the very opposite of our hiding it! We cannot hide our sin and not at the same time hide from His love.

So then there is a price to pay for being hidden (loneliness, continued woundedness, separation from God and each other etc.), and there is a price to pay to become whole (there will be many places we do not fit in). As the James reference above implies healing takes place in community. It's in confessing to one another that we are healed. This cannot just be in one direction, I confess to him, but she does not confess to me. It is to “each other”. The alternative by the way, is to confess each other's faults, and this is not so healing (British understatement)! So this mutual confession can only take place in safe community, but when it is real is is unbeatable.

So then in either case there is a cost, a price to pay. You can pay the cost of remaining in your shame and isolation, or you can pay the price of openness in genuine community and find true Christian fellowship with Him and each other. Those who have tasted this testify that even though it is not without pain, it is it worth it. What will you choose? I have decided that I will either find/create a safe place, or die trying, and in the meantime, allow Him to draw me closer to Himself in the struggle. (More to come).