Everybody's is doing it!

First of all no matter what “it” is, it's not true, “everybody” covers far too much ground. Perhaps the thing on your heart is widespread, but in Biblical terms as the Lord tells Elijah “I have reserve seven thousand in Israel― all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal” (1 Kings 19:18). Elijah was feeling sorry for himself and feeling that he was the only one who was faithful, but God had kept seven thousand who would not go along with the crowd and worship Baal. Similarly in this day, God has kept those who are faithful to Him and to His commandments. It may look like “Everybody's doing it,” but it's not true, not everybody is conformed to the World (Romans 12:2).

Second of all even if it were true, “everybody doing it” it would not make it right, nor would it mean that the choices being made promote a healthy life. When I was growing up “everybody” smoked, and we are still paying the grim reaper for the many related incidents of lung disease. Following the crowd many times does not make for health, wholeness, joy peace or prosperity. Certainly some cultures are more healthy than others but a 51% morality is not God's way, nor does it bring in holiness, righteousness or justice. At one stage (perhaps it still is) it was widely held that education promoted maturity and goodness, that it was ignorance that promoted evil. I used to think that, that is until I became a graduate student. It was here that I learned that the Educated can be even nastier than the poor and uneducated. The only real difference was that Educated nastiness is more subtle, more hidden and more insidious. The fact of the matter is that human nature has changed very little over the centuries of recorded History. Human nature still embraces might as right, people are still basically selfish, and the default still seems to be to go wrong.

We can put a man on the moon, but we still turn a blind eye to poverty and oppression. If you doubt any of this consider that we have enough to feed the world. What is missing is the will to do it, both the collective political, and the individual will. Though some will respond to information about the plight of the hungry, most of us get tired because “we gave last year.” The World is filled with political injustice and we do intervene, but we intervene where it is expedient to do so (for example to protect our supply of oil), and we refuse to interceded where it it not. Might does not make right, political power does not bring justice. Democracy where the outcome is determined by the majority is better than the alternatives, but it only works where there is righteousness and justice. Democracy has worked in the West because whether we acknowledge it or not, it is based on Judeo-Christian values, the value of the individual, the value or rights and freedom, of freedom of speech and religion. But these values increasingly are being eroded by the “everybodys” of our society.

Jesus has a lot to say about the views and values and behaviours of the majority. He tells us “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matthew 7:13,14). To put it in modern jargon He is saying that the default is destruction. Don't take my word for this, look at where our godlessness is taking us. Already several countries have decriminalized incest, and what about euthanasia? In what way is this different from ethnic cleansing and the Nazi programmes to eliminate undesirables? As many philosophers have said “Without God all is permissible”. This is not to say there are not moral atheists. But there is no sound basis in atheism for morality, for if there is no God who is to say that this or that is wrong? A 51% morality may be broad minded, but it is a shifting sand and it is leading us to destruction. Perhaps everybody is doing it, but if so are we not in danger of being like so many sheep prepared for the slaughter (Jeremiah 12:1-3)?

Propaganda or provision and protection

If, as we (and Jesus) claim, the Bible is true, then much of what the World is telling us is not true. But the problems is that so much of it feels right. As always the Bible is aware of these things. In Proverbs 16:25, we read “There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” Actually the very same proverb with the exact same wording occurs twice, here and in Proverbs 14:12. When something is repeated in the Bible is it there to emphasize its importance. A thing may seem right or feel right, but feels and seems right, is not the same as is right, and when it is not, it always has negative consequences, it produces (spiritual) death rather than (abundant) life

We might resist admitting that, and we seem to have this capacity to far too easily fool ourselves. Verse 13 of Proverbs 14 in the Message continues the thought of the previous verse “Sure, those people appear to be having a good time, but all that laughter will end in heartbreak.” The NIV renders this “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.” I know in the process of coming to the Lord, this verse described me exactly. I wore a mask of happiness, but I was dying inside. Many of us have to learn the hard way that God's ways are best, I know I did. But I also know that it was the heartache that lead me to reconsider my way of life, that and that His Spirit was wooing me.

And when we are in the midst of it all, in denial and rationalization, we are often desperate to justify ourselves. So much so, that in our justification we want others not only to agree with us, but we want to drag them into our erroneous ways. The Bible knows us here too, as it tells that those who do such rebellious things know deep down that they are deserving of God's judgement, nevertheless they approve of others who do them (Romans 1:32).

There are three influences the Scriptures tell us that lead us away from truth and righteousness and hence from the abundant life. They are the World the flesh (sinful nature) and the Devil (Ephesians 2:2-3a). Under these influences good and evil are turned on their head. Three thousand years ago the Lord warned Israel “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20), so none of this is new. Nor is the militancy with which these things are preached. And let's make no mistake about it, “preached” is the operative word. The tyranny of political correctness disallows any and all dissent from the teaching of the "new" morality. Those who disagree are called hatemongers, but one has to wonder exactly who is hating who? Two thousand years ago Jesus made it clear that the World would hate those who live for Him (John 17:14; 3:19).

And the evidence of what I am saying is all around us. We see it in the systematic, powerful, well funded and well organized lobby intent on tearing down the values and beliefs of our Judeo-Christain culture. David Kupelian in his book “The marketing of evil”, documents some of the human resources that have been deliberately committed to this agenda. If we define evil as anything that is opposed to life and wholeness, then we can understand one reviewer of Kupelian's book who wrote “From pitching promiscuity as 'freedom' to promoting abortion as 'choice', the marketers of evil are always selling you something destructive – with catastrophic results. Kupelian shines light on it all”.



In particular Kupelian exposes the Harvard marketing strategy behind some of the propaganda that has turned our morals upside down in North America over the past several decades. The three strategies are desensitization, jamming and conversion. Hitler knew if you kept telling even the biggest lie over and over and over, people would sooner or later start to believe it. This is desensitization, flooding the “market” with the lie, until people accept it. We see it over and over in the media as people of faith are almost always depicted as narrow minded hypocrites. Jamming has to do with disallowing or shouting down any view that is contrary to the one you wish to espouse. Try saying something on open line programs that is not considered to be politically correct, and you will see what I mean. The lag time on these “live performances” allow you to be cut off on the air before you even utter the first word. Conversion has to do exactly with what Isaiah was talking about above reversing good and bad, truth and error. In particular what was formerly thought to be evil is now promoted as good and wholesome and normal, and as throwing off the so called chains of Biblical morality. But what we are being sold is not wholesome and good and normal, it is destructive. We are only starting to reap what we have sown in these “choices” that we are making, and we may need to go a lot further down the road to decline before we are willing to re-examine where we are going.

And decline is where we are going. The “inconvenient truths” we need to lean from the school of hard knocks are inconvenient indeed. Into all of this God speaks his “no's,” And He does it in love, for He says these things for our provision and for our protection. More to come!

Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, because God does it all for you!

I ended last day's post by saying that we need help, and that it is available. The tile of today's post is a misquote from Philippians 2:12,13, but it highlights what could easily be seen as a contradiction. The exact quote is “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure”. The apparent contradiction comes from wondering that if God works in both our desires “to will,” and the wherewithal “to do,” why would we need to be concerned at all, let alone be in fear and tremble because we might get it wrong? But it's not an all or nothing thing, as in He does it all and I do nothing. It's all about partnership with God. The good news is that it is not all up to me. The point is that when I do my part, then He makes up for what I am not (in my current stage) able to do for myself. However, He will not do His part in my recovery if I am not willing to do mine.

And I do mean recovery, it is not just about being good, thought I am not saying that is not important. In order to explain let me say that the word 'salvation' in this quotation is a very broad Biblical term. It has been described as having three aspects: deliverance from the penalty of our sin, the ongoing deliverance from the power of sin (often called sanctification) and finally the future deliverance from the very presence of sin (glorification) when we die or Jesus returns. In some circles the word salvation is used only for the first of these three aspects, but this is to fail to understand the breadth of the word, and also of what God wants to do in our lives.

Sadly many Christian never fully enter into the second aspect of salvation mentioned in this verse. In particular many do not even see the need to deal with things in their past that hinder them. Another reason I use the word recovery is because I think that what the secular word means contains much of what true sanctification is all about. But I want to use the word recovery in a deeper way than in the secular version, I want to say that sanctification rightly understood, is a Biblically based recovery. And as I said last day, this does involve doing the right things, making good choices (Biblical righteousness), but it also, as the meat of today's verse implies, it also involves very practical help from God in the process, and it involves healing. It is good news for me that God works in my desires, because many times I have been double minded about things. It is also good news that I am not left alone in my struggles and that there also is healing in the offing. Without His help we are more likely to give up, and without healing, the changes I make are less likely to stick even if I do experience breakthrough. Biblically based recovery (sanctification) is a lot more than just change of behaviour!

The three aspects of sanctification mentioned here are not available in secular recovery. For instance, many times we know perfectly well what we need to do, but the doing of it can be an insurmountable obstacle. Today's quotation promises that when we do our part, God will work firstly in our desires and secondly in the wherewithal, that is the strength, the wisdom etc., to do what needs to be done. It's called Grace. The third element is healing. We are told (Isaiah 61:1, Luke 4:18-21) that Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted. Jesus is the one who heals. Biblical inner healing ministries are ripe with testimonies of people set free from their past by dramatic encounters with the living God. The movement I am most familiar with is the “Restoring the foundations ministry.” I have in and through training received significant healing of my own hart issues. The secular version of healing that “time heals all” is in fact a lie. In time we may learn to live with our pain, but it does not restore the emotional mental and/or psychological damage done in the happenstances of life. We need healing, I do!

But I need to say something about the fear and trembling mentioned in our main quotation. Many times we can make the change be healed and begin to walk in victory only to find in a moment of weakness that we have reverted to our habit, or to our old ways. God helps us in amazing ways, but we can then begin to take the credit for what He has done. The Scripture warns us that pride comes before the fall, and that he who thinks he stands should take care lest he fall (Proverbs 16:18, 1 Corinthians 10:12). So we need to work these things through in fear and trembling because it is far too easy to drift away, and as the writer to the Hebrews asks “How shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?” (Hebrews 2:1-3). If we are not careful we can find ourselves flopping back and forth between over confidence and the feeling that we have to do it all ourselves. The Lord does not want us striving, but rather He wants us to find our rest, our joy, our hope, our peace and sufficiency in Him. As I keep saying, it's all about our ongoing relationship with Him!

If you plant carrots you don't get turnip

In the current (Youtube) debates about the existence of God, one of the arguments on the “God side” is that the universe is a law abiding, life supporting and rationally accessible universe. Part of what this means is that through experiment and reason we can discover physical laws which the universe obeys. The law of gravity is one example as are Kepler’s laws of planetary motion. What is not quite so obvious is that there are moral or spiritual laws as well. Now you cannot break the law of gravity. If you step off the roof of a building you will not break the law of gravity, it will break you.

It's the same with Spiritual Laws, the only difference is that the effects of trying to break spiritual laws are not quite so immediate as with the law of gravity. Consider what Jesus tells us in John 8:34. He says “He who sins is the slave of sin.” For verification you have only to look to those (or perhaps even yourself) who are trapped in addictions. Secular versions of this not wanting to admit that some things are wrong, will talk about “poor choices having consequences.” But it goes much further than this. The fact of the matter is that when we make such “poor choices” we develop appetites that demand to be satisfied, and we become slaves to these appetites. This is what Paul means when he says of some, that their appetites are their god (Philippians 3:9 NASB). Though it includes our appetites for food it has a much wider application to our appetites for many things. Of course they don't literally worship their appetites, but the point is that they obey their appetites rather than God. When their appetites say jump, they jump! Self control is a virtue and the opposite lack of self control is a sin to which we far too easily become enslaved.

The spiritual law to which the title of this post alludes is the law of sowing and reaping. The verse that alludes to this principle (law) reads “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life” (Galatians 6:7,8). Let's unpack this.

The Bible tells us not to be deceived, many are. How many trapped in addiction to alcohol somehow or other think that they will one day be able to control their habit. The Bible talks about the deceitfulness of sin, of how when we allow our appetites to rule our lives we get hardened to them, and then finish up in denial or in making excuses. So don't be deceived, God cannot be duped, He has set this law of sowing and reaping into effect and it cannot be broken. Indeed if we try to break it, as with the law of gravity it will break us. One person put it this way, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you always got. We know full well that if we plant carrots we will not get turnip, what on earth leads us to think things will get better if we keep doing what we have always done? Into all of this the Bible tells us “do not be deceived.” As I said above, many are!

And one of the ways that we deceive ourselves is to play the blame game. How many alcoholics blame others for their drinking “It's your fault, if you hadn't …..” In fact the blame game is as old as Adam and Eve themselves. When God asks Adam if he had eaten of the forbidden fruit, his reply starts with “The woman You gave me ..” (Genesis 3:12). In other words it's the woman's fault, and in fact it's Your fault too God, You are the one who gave her to me! But we have to stop blaming others for everything that goes wrong. A lot of the mess we are in is because of the bad choices we made. Bad choices produce bad fruit, and we are responsible for the choices we make. Our choices to do what God says is wrong, have consequences, and if we chose to go against what He says we will reap the consequences. God's ways are best. When He says no, it is not for no reason, it is for our provision and protection. God's ways are not only good and right and proper, they are smart!

This law of sowing and reaping works both negatively and positively When we sow the positive we will reap good fruit. In fact Jesus tells us that with the same measure that we give, it will be measured back to us. If we sow generously and positively we will receive “good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over” (Luke 6:38). This “multiplication effect” is in fact contained within the analogy. If you plant one potato you don't just get one potato back, you get lots. Of course as in the natural, this is not immediate like the law of gravity. It takes time to produce fruit. But assuredly the negative things we sow will eventually come bouncing back in abundance to haunt us, and the positive things to fully bless us. And when we continue to sow, the consequences both positive and negative just keep growing and growing and growing. I blogged earlier about “Do you want to be made whole,” and suggested that most of us don't change until the pain of getting stuck becomes grater than the pain and fear of change. In my own experience I know that I had to come to the place where I was sick of my sin, sick of my own negativity, sick of reaping what I finally had to admit was at least in part due to what I had sown. How about you? “Are we there yet mummy?”

Carrots and turnip II. Don't we also reap what others have sown?

(the law of sowing and reaping continued)

Indeed we do! Which one of us has not been hurt by the wrong others have done to us, either directly or indirectly? Now I do not in any way want to minimize the hurt and pain that these things bring. But the problem is that we get imprisoned by the past, seemingly unable to get past what others (or even you yourself) have done. And we don't need to. I have a post “Don't get mad, get even and poison yourself and those you love.” Many of us are trapped by our resentments or bitterness or consumed with plans to get even. It is far too easy to fall into a victim mentality where we blame others for everything that goes wrong in our lives. But how, you might ask, can we not be affected by the past? How can we stop the pain? How can we get past what they did to us?

I don't pretend the answer is easy, but it is simple “Forgive your abuser.” If you want to be free of his or her ongoing influence in your life, this is exactly what you need to do. For some, being told to forgive your abuser can seem worse abuse than the abuse itself. “Why should I let him off?” you might ask. Well first of all forgiving a person is not letting them off, it is releasing God to be at work in their lives to deal with it. “'Vengeance is mine' says the Lord, 'I will repay'” (Romans 12:19). It takes faith of course to trust God that He will be just in dealing with your abuser. And like an older child who insists in taking over from the parent, God needs to deal with us first before He can deal with the abuser. And forgiving is not the same as saying that what they did does not matter, or that it was not wrong. Nor is it giving permission to do it again. What forgiving does is to break the tie between them and us, and between our past and the present. We need to forgive mostly for our own sakes, to release us from all the negativity. When we don't forgive, we find ourselves filled with ongoing anger and resentment and pain. In order to find release we need to give our abusers a gift they do not deserve, the gift of forgiveness.

The Christian of course is commanded to forgive, and this command is related to the fact that God has forgiven us (Matthew 6:12ff). Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant where a certain servant was forgiven a huge debt by his master, but then demanded a fellow servant pay him in full for a much lesser debt (Matthew 18:22ff). He is speaking of the ways we (knowingly or unknowingly) have sinned against God and that in the end the worst that is done to us is small, compared with the offense we cause God. You have to see it to understand.

But there is also a deeper principle here and that is that more often than not we make wrong responses to the wrong done to us (the main response to sin is to sin in return). When we turn to bitterness and grumbling and complaint and gossip and the like, we ourselves are sowing things that we will also reap. If we sow unforgiveness we will reap unforgiveness (Matthew 6:15). If we grumble and spread discontent it will come back on us. The Bible tells us “Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). In the same context as the vengeance passage quoted above, Paul tells us “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). We do ourselves no good if we allow ourselves to drop to the level of those who abuse us, for in doing so, in addition to the abuse suffered, we reap what we sow in our responses. Anger, wrath and negativity breed and multiply, they produce neither the righteousness of God, nor the abundant life (James 1:20; John 10:10). A godly response to the wrong done therefore is, as last day, not only good and right and proper, it too is smart! We do of course need His help, and it is available.

Take away guilt and shame II. Take away Shame

In these posts I am distinguishing between guilt and shame as follows: Guilt says “I've done something wrong, I've made a mistake, what I did was not good.” Shame, on the other hand says “ there is something wrong with me, I am a mistake, I am no good.” It should be clear that guilt and shame are related, and in fact guilt can easily turn into shame. However shame can be there even when there is no sin, that is we can feel shame even when we have done nothing wrong. So we feel shame when we have suffered physical or sexual abuse, we feel shame when we are rejected or abandoned, we feel shame when we are put down or humiliated in some way. We feel shame when our parents divorce, or because of some family secret we must keep. We feel shame when we do not measure up to societies or other people's expectations. We feel shame when we have outrageous and unacceptable thoughts. “If anyone ever found out what goes on in my head, I would die of embarrassment!” Actually as long as I don't embrace them, I can blame such thoughts on the Devil and take authority over them (2 Corinthians 10:4,5).

The Book that knows us (the Bible) speaks in multiple places about being covered with shame. In Psalm 44:15 David says “I live in disgrace (dishonour) all day long, and my face is covered with shame.” Note that this level of shame is not just some transitory thing, it is “all day long,” and it covers, as in overwhelms and thus becomes the only “visible” thing. Elsewhere it is not just the face that is covered, but the whole body. For example in Psalm 109:29 the Psalmist talks about being “clothed in shame.” There are times (and for some it is 24/7) that shame debilitates us, keeps us hidden, isolated and from living a fully functional life. It manifests itself many times in self defeating negative self talk: “I am a looser,” “nobody will ever accept me for who I am,” “there is no point in even trying, I am, always was and always will be, a failure,” etc., etc., etc.

Before the fall in Genesis 2:25 we read that Adam and Eve were naked but they were not ashamed. In fact in a perfect world we would feel no shame. After the fall (chapter 3) Adam tells God “I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10). Nakedness in this story is not just about physical nakedness, it is about spiritual nakedness, the feelings of being open and vulnerable and exposed. In a world where people make poor and wrong choices, being open and vulnerable and exposed no longer feels safe. As with Adam and Eve, hiding is a very common response to feelings of both guilt and shame, but it is not the only one. In Jeremiah 3:3 we read “you have the brazen look of a prostitute; you refuse to blush with shame.” I call this shamelessness, and we can think of this way of dealing with shame as either denial or a refusal to be shamed. Actually there are two types of shamelessness, there is the shamelessness of the prostitute, and then there is the shamelessness of the Pharisee, the false pride of self righteousness which says “I have nothing to be ashamed of.” But whether we hide our shame, act shameless, as if we do not care, or if we deny it's existence, shame remains.

Many of us were born into shame based families and/or shame based communities, and we live our lives out of them. The characteristics of shame based systems include rigid (often unwritten and unspoken) rules, emotional unavailability and invalidation, and strong pressure to conform. The diabolical thing about all of this (and I mean that quite literally) is that when we are shame based, we are usually attracted to shame based groups, systems and/or partners. Part of this seems to be that such systems are emotional familiar, and may have the appearance of being safe (the devil we know!). I say diabolical, you know as in 'of the Devil'. He wants to use these things to keep us stuck and ultimately to destroy us. So we even find ourselves in shame based churches where we wear masks to hide from each other and often from ourselves. In some places we judge a sermon by how bad it makes us feel. If we don't come out feeling guilty, it was not a good sermon! Some of our Hymnology is also shame based. Even John Newton's famous “Amazing grace” has traces of this, as he thinks of himself as a “wretch like me” (present tense). Certainly John needed to repent of the things that he did, and I have no doubt that the things that he did made him feel wretched, but we must not take up “wretch” or “worm” as our identity. These things have a show of humility, but it is a false humility, and is ultimately undermining and destructive.

All of these things (denying, hiding or adopting shame and worthlessness as our identity) are attempts to deal our shame, and they are all inadequate. In a sense every inadequate way of dealing with shame is an attempt to hide. Even the shamelessness of the prostitute is a way of hiding from shame. And shame has this in common with guilt, hiding it does not take it away, it does not bring healing. But if all of these covering of shame are inadequate (and they are) then what exactly is an adequate covering? What is it that can take away my shame?

Since shame has to do with taking on a false identity, it's cure is to assume ones true identity. For the Christian this is first and foremost about being a child of God. Heidi Baker of Iris Ministries tells moving stories of when the kids they take off the street really start to get this, it changes them from acting little better than animals to functioning and secure children knowing they are loved. Guilt and shame have this in common, both are ultimately taken away through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. In the case of guilt the cross takes away our sin, in the case of shame the cross allows God to give us a new identity, the spirit of adoption where we cry out Abba (Daddy) God (Romans 8:14, 15). The cure for shame then is to find our true identity in relationship to Him (adoption / friendship etc. John 15:15). This relationship that covers our shame is pictured in both the Old and the New Testaments.

In that lovely picture of redemption from abandonment in Ezekiel 16 we read '“I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you and you became mine' says the Lord GOD” (verse 8). In Isaiah 54:1 the barren woman is told to sing for “more are the children of the desolate (barren) woman than of her who has a husband.” In verse 4 she is told “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.” The reason for all this is given in verse 5 it is because “your Maker is your husband - the LORD Almighty is his name.”

Notice in each case that the shame is taken away in and through relationship (covenant / marriage etc.) with God. In other words the removal of shame is all about the compensation that comes from an intimate personal relationship with God. He makes a covenant with the barren woman, He becomes a husband to the widow, and when she enters fully into this in the way that she is intended to do, she is able to sing (Isaiah 54:1). Elsewhere God tells us that He is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5), and here again is the picture of Abba – a loving daddy to a small child (see also Romans 8:15). This relationship with God is intended to be healing, comforting and very very real. The reality and depth of it will result in the widow and the barren woman “forgetting the shame of her youth”. It is not second best compensation, it is a relationship that offers fullness of joy. In Psalm 34:5 we read “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” God tells Abraham in the shame of his childlessness “I am your exceedingly great reward” (Genesis 15:1).

Jesus, in Luke 4:18,19 claims Isaiah 61 as His mandate for ministry. In particular He is telling us that He was sent to heal the broken hearted (Isaiah 61:1). Part of this is that “Instead of your shame you shall have double honour” (verse 7), and we will “greatly rejoice in the Lord”, because “He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness” (verse 10). So the robe of righteousness (redemption, salvation, conversion) covers not only our guilt (last day) it covers our shame, it brings healing, and it is all found in relationship with Him.

And it is because the taking away of our shame is found in relationship, that there is another difference between between guilt and shame. It is this, our guilt is automatically taken away at the point of salvation. At that point our names are written in the book of life. But the healing and the taking away of our shame is not automatic. It is when we know who we are in Him, that we will no longer be covered in shame. For those covered in shame this may take time even when we work hard at it. In the end it is unbelief that hinders us. We feel we are not worthy and we disqualify ourselves. We tell ourselves “God loves others but not me.” We need to confess this unbelief as sin and turn away from it. We need to spend time with Him in His Word and in prayer (John8:31,32). We need to abide in Him (John15:5), and part of the fruit this bears will be the confidence that we are His and loved by Him. And we need with Jacob of old to get into His presence and tell Him “I will not let You go until you bless me” (Genesis 32:26). We need to tell Him that we will not let Him go until we experience that He is our exceedingly great reward. I don't know about you, but I need to feel it! When we know who we are in Him, it begins to matter less and less what others think about us, and when this happens our shame is taken away indeed.

Godly sorrow, repentance and joy, or worldly sorrow and death.

I was saying last day that there are three ways of dealings with our guilt, but only one is effective (to be forgiven). There is book I own but have never fully read. In a sense I don't need to because the title says it all “Repentance, the joy filled life.” It kind of works like this: If you can think of a happily married couple who have learned to fight fair (not too much, not too little, and always with respect). Then one day they face the biggest challenge of their marriage, and for several days are at loggerheads not knowing even if the marriage will survive. Then on the sixth day, they both have a breakthrough where they suddenly both see point of view of the other person, see that they were both wrong, and in the seeing are sorry for their part in it all. They weep in each other's arms and truly mean that they will try harder. All this leads to reconciliation and joy. Nobody likes fighting (well most don't), but when you fight fair and are able to admit your faults, making up is wonderful, it brings such joy!

So where am I going with this? It seems to me that this kind of making up is the closest we can come on earth to give us a picture of the joy that reconciliation of the sinner with God brings to both God and the sinner. The full text of the verse in the title of the post is “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10). The picture of the sorrow of the married couple just before making up is perhaps the closest we can come to on earth to the “godly sorrow that leads to repentance.” And (again with the couple) when this is two sided, there are indeed no regrets. The renewed fellowship is a cause for rejoicing, and the mended relationship is something that both sides want to maintain and to grow. Without this mutual submission and confession, there is too often a kind of death, firstly of the relationship but secondly the acrimony of separation and divorce with its pain is a kind of living death.

We can learn a lot from the best relationships on earth, about what our relationship with God can be like! Of course God does not need to repent (say sorry to us), but it is as I say the closest we can come to illustrating it by earthly relationships. And in fact there is Scriptural warrant for using marriage as an illustration in this way. In Ephesians 5:25-32, in his instructions to married couples Paul compares the marriage relationship to that of Christ and the Church, and describes it as a great mystery. Furthermore, the Christian is described (individually and corporately) as the bride of Christ (i.e. Revelation 19:7, 21:9; 22:17). What I am saying is that the Lord Himself has it in mind that the best marriages be a picture of what our relationship with Him can be, and is intended to be, like. And then some!

So then let's take the analogy further. If they are wise, our ideal couple after having experienced the joy of reconciliation, will learn to keep short accounts with each other. That is with this positive experience behind them, they will no longer immediately blame each other the next time things go wrong. Rather they will be willing to openly and honestly ask in a heart felt way “is this me,” and “where am I to blame?” In an actual couple I know the female of the species told me not that long ago “I did not realize, until I got married, how selfish I am.” There is much hope for a long and happy marriage for this couple (for I happen to know that it's not just she who has this willingness to be shown they are wrong).

And is this willingness to be shown to be wrong oppressive? Is it a good thing or a bad one? With this real life couple I am describing it is good. In fact it is a delight to watch them grow in and through just simply living all of this out. It would not be good if one of them was not willing to be shown when and where they are wrong, or having been shown where they are wrong, were not willing to work on putting right the wrong done, or not willing to change in the future. It could also be oppressive if one took advantage of the other, or held grudges or sought revenge rather than reconciliation and peace. But as I say, it is not like this with the couple I am describing, and it is very freeing for both of them. As the relationship continues to grow they have a growing confidence that what is spoken will be spoken in love (or when it is not, that an apology will be forthcoming). They are also confident they will be heard, and that what is heard will be carefully (and prayerfully) considered to see if what is being said is true. They are also ready and willing to change where their actions or attitudes or expressions brought the other one pain. They are willing to do this because of the joy of intimacy and the pain of being at loggerheads (the carrots and the sticks of relationships). They allow the process of living, communicating and (when necessary) fighting (fair) – to enhance the relationship, and it does. When difficulties come they work through them. And difficulties do and will always come, as this or that circumstance reveals yet one more thing that has not been dealt with (or not dealt with sufficiently). The process is a refining process (Proverbs 27:17), where they are learning be kind and compassionate with each other, and gentle and considerate and respectful, not snaky and not with belittling put downs. In this way they are becoming more and more confident that over time things will indeed be dealt with, and confident that there will always be a successful and even joyful, conclusion to any and all conflict. It is (again as I say) delightful to watch.

There are five components that I see that drive the beauty of such relationships, and that I believe can help us to move deeper into the type of intimacy I am describing both with God and each other. I will describe them first in terms of our earthly relationships. The first component is communication. It is a major problem in many relationships as we conflict avoid, putting certain topics off limit, and/or shutting them down when they become difficult, or feel threatening or make us angry. However when these things are worked through in the way described above, they become the glue of a deeper bonding. The second component that I see is the willingness to be be shown our faults, and being shown admit them, willing to make the appropriate changes. These things are essential to intimacy. The command to confess our faults one to another and to pray for one another comes with a promise – that we will be healed (James 5:16). It is the exact opposite of what so often seems to happen at the break up of a marriage where each one confesses the other one's faults, laying 100% of the blame on the other party.

The third essential component is a willingness to be open vulnerable and transparent with each other. In a truly successful marriage (as opposed to one that simply survives) there can be no secrets, no hidden skeletons in the closet. Such things drive us towards shame, fear and control. It seems to work like this, shame and fear of discovery leads us to put up walls of control to keep the shame and the secrets secure. Of course you would need to know that your partner is safe, before you open yourself up in the way I am suggesting. All of this requires the fourth ingredient that is the trust that builds up over time when energy and effort and both parties work at the relationship. In particular, because trust is earned, it might take some time to achieve. And taking the time to discovering if one's partner is safe (and.or to train each other in this way), is a very good reason not to rush into marriage. This too is hard in our instant society! Finally there is the passion for intimacy with each other. Nobody wants a limp lover!

So much for earthly relationships. There are both similarities and differences with our relationship with God. I want to start off by saying clearly that just as the mutual submission, love respect and transparency of the best earthly relationships is not oppressive, so neither, when we come to Him in the teachability of a little child, is our relationship with God. As with the ideal couple it is incredibly freeing (John 8:31), and this in my own experience of Him! On the other hand, perhaps the most significant difference is that we know that His side is always loving and always true. But let's look at how the five components mentioned above, work out in terms of our relationship with Him. Firstly then communication, it is intended to be two way. Prayer of course is our way of speaking with God, but we are also intended to hear from Him. The first and perhaps clearest way that He speaks to us is in and through His Word. He also speaks to us in and through others, but most wonderful of all, there is the still small voice of God (1 Kings 19:12,13). Jesus tells us clearly “my sheep know my voice” (John 10:47). Being His sheep has to do with following Him. There is much to say about these things (see for example “You hear from God? And fairies too right?” September 2010).

Secondly is the willingness to be be shown and to admit our faults, and to do something about them. As with earthly relationships our willingness to allow God to lead us into all truth is essential to intimacy with Him. Also as in earthly relationships, the idea is not to be weighed down with guilt. On the contrary it has to do with walking humbly in the assurance that though we are incomplete we are nevertheless loved, accepted, and encouraged to grow. The third essential component is a willingness to be transparent with God, He has given everything to make relationship possible at incredible cost to Himself. Surely the least we can do is to be honest with Him, with ourselves and to keep short accounts with Him. As Adam and Eve found out in the garden, you can't hide from Him anyway, and there is coming a day when all will be exposed (Mark 4:22). Surly it is better to get things out into the open at least with Him, that way they can be dealt with, and anything that needs to be forgiven, forgiven. Next comes the fourth component, the fact that all of this requires time and energy and effort for trust to build. God is of course entirely trustworthy, but we may not feel this as there are many things that happen in life that we neither like nor understand. It can take time to learn to stop fighting the people and circumstances that God allows in our lives to refine us. Finally there is the passion for God. He is not impressed by apathy (Revelation 3:15-19). The Great Commandment is that we should love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). He wants us to be as long term passionate about Him, as He is about us. He loves us with an everlasting love, and He sent His Son to make it all possible. He is worth it all, He is!

I hear someone saying “If it's all so wonderful Phil, what is the sorrow part of the post all about?” Well, it's about how we enter in, and keep moving ahead when we fail. As with the illustration of the couple the deeper intimacy comes only after the struggle brought about simply by living, so often only in encountering the pain and the sorrow of living in this fallen world, do we see our part in it all, and our need to change. The sorrows of life are indeed a kind of living death, and we stay in that death when we refuse to come to Him for restoration comfort and rest (Matthew 11:00; 2 Corinthians 1:3,4). The godly sorrow that brings life and joy comes through repentance, turning, and finding forgiveness for our own part in it all. And we choose. What do you want, godly sorrow, repentance and joy, or worldly sorrow and death? As for me, I choose life!