Count it all joy when you fall into various trials.

This admonition from James chapter one can seem out of sight or even ridiculous when you first read it. But it makes sense in a common sense sort of way. I mean we have all heard of the power of positive thinking, and life certainly seems to go better for those with a positive attitude. On the other hand this is very hard for those of us who have been deeply wounded by life. And putting this advice into practice can be more of a journey than something we just do and get on with.

Clearly the inner wounds that some have sustained in life are much much greater than those of others. Those who come from a stable, loving and affirming home are streets ahead of those who do not. Not that the pain is in any way comparable, but lack of nurture can be as just debilitating as abuse. But in either case there is much that others have done or not done, that helps us explain to ourselves where we are at, and why this admonition from James can seem so out of reach.

When we were children we had no defence for what came down on us, but when we are adults we do not need to let the past be our future. As adults we need to understand that our response to the wrong done to us, can be just as big a factor in keeping us stuck as the wrong done itself. So long as we do nothing but blame others for the state of our emotional health we will not heal. What I am saying, and I do not claim this is easy, is that we need to take responsibility for our responses to the wrong done. If we let Him, and if we fully cooperate with Him, God will help us to come out from under it all. There is much truth in the saying without God man cannot, without man God will not. It is only under full radical surrender that we can prove the good and perfect and acceptable will of God (Romans 12:1,2). In the words of AA “half measures profited us nothing.” Even then it is a process, not an instant over night fix. We may have to suffer more until we are ready to take the radical step. “Are we there yet mummy?”

Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

We live in an age where integrity, faithfulness and doing right have essentially gone down the drain. If it feels good do it, is more the prevailing philosophy of life. The problem is that my doing what feels good too often impacts others negatively. For example, the ease with which we trash relationships because it is “not working for me,” pays little attention to the devastation of the children from such relationships. We excuse it of course, saying that it is better for them not to be in a situation where there is tension and fighting. It never seems to occur to us that we need to deal with the fighting and the selfishness that lies behind our “feel good” culture.

When we have suffered enough, and caused others enough pain, we may be open to the incredible mixture of love, faithfulness and righteousness that is offered to us in the Gospel. Love, faithfulness and righteousness meet supremely in the cross, where for those who will receive it, the penalty for our sin and selfishness is paid in full. Here, by taking the penalty upon Himself, God can be both just (righteous) and loving at the same time. Seeing this in the future, the Psalmist rightly declares that love, faithfulness, righteousness and peace kiss in God's incredible act of unselfishness. It should break our hearts, so we turn to Him in repentance and so receive this indescribable gift.

Big boys don't cry! Really?

The stereotype image of the male is that of the macho man. He can handle anything that comes his way, especially if you are English “stiff upper lip and all that!” The expression is defined by saying that the one who has a stiff upper lip displays fortitude in the face of adversity, or exercises great self-restraint in the expression of emotion. The image is that of the upper lip that starts to tremble as the person seeks to hold back the tears. We can put it this way, the macho man can handle anything but emotion!

So are tears a sign of weakness or of strength? The stuffing of emotions is in fact destructive. Owning our emotions and dealing with them is wholesome and life giving. So how do we deal with them? King David knew how, he “poured out his complaint unto the Lord,” the apostle Paul's prayers were accompanied by “may tears.” If as we read in Ecclesiastes, it is true that with increased knowledge comes increased grief, then it is only appropriate that we weep, as Jesus did, over the state of the World and over those we love who are perishing. It takes courage to allow ourselves to feel our feelings, and if we do allow ourselves to feel our feelings, there will be times when we laugh and times when we cry. There will be times we do not know which to do.

For me there is comfort in the fact that God sees our tears and our joy. He keep our tears “in a bottle.” He is not unmoved by our pain. So do big boys cry? Well I do, and I am not ashamed of my tears, they cleans and they heal. And actually there is not one of us who is not in need of healing! Jesus told us that He came to heal the broken hearted, and the way He seems to do that is to open up the wounds so that He may cauterize them. If this seems to be further wounding, we need to fall back on the saying “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” And there is no greater friend than Jesus!

Waiting is a refining fire

It seems that nobody likes to wait. You know the definition of a split second as the time interval between which the light turns green and the fellow behind starts to honk? We live in an instant, fast paced society, and we hate to wait for anything. If you are like me you want what you want and you want it now!” But I have had to learn to wait.

My life verses start off with “I waited patiently for the Lord ...,” and I always knew these were His instructions. They finish with a promise that I believe, but has not yet been fulfilled. As a little old lady friend of mine (now with Jesus) used to say “The trouble with God, is that He has no sense of time!” Amen!

A few years ago now He asked me if I had waited patiently. I could only say that I waited (and grimaced :) ). I could not add “patiently!” But this period of waiting though very difficult at times, has been good for me because it has been a refining fire. If we submit to it (letting patience have its perfect work) it produces all kinds of fruit (love, joy, peace, patience – especially patience – goodness etc.). I am not yet what I should be, but thank God His refining fire that operates in the period between the promise and the fulfillment, is making me a lot more like Him. Progress, but still a long way to go!

What about the heathen?

It's a politically incorrect way of asking, but a friend of mine asked it this morning citing his grandfather. So I suppose we can forgive him. :). My answer, was that we are not told clearly about those who are distanced from the good news either by geography, or time.

There are indications. For example we are told Abraham, separated by time from Christ, believed and it was counted to him for righteousness. Or again “Where there is no law, there is no transgression for sin.” But there is no getting away from the exclusivity of Christianity. If he or she who chooses not to believe is condemned already because he or she has chosen not to receive the forgiveness offered, then the question about the heathen is mute. When asked a similar question, Jesus answered this way “What is that to you? You must follow me.”

For me the biggest difference (though not the only one) is this question of forgiveness. If, when I am offered the free gift of forgiveness I refuse it, then I remain unforgiven. All choices (even the choice not to choose) have consequences. As for me, though very far from perfect, I am forgiven.

Dealing with guilt the right way

One of the problems of being a committed Christian is that your conscience tends to become more and more sensitive. Things you did before that did not bother you, suddenly become sources of guilt when you fall into/ respond in the same old way to, entrenched hurts habits and hangups. It then becomes necessary to deal with guilt in a functional way (not beating up on oneself, not stuffing it and trying to ignore it).

Before I get into the functional way to deal with guilt, I want to mention that I was asked (under suspicion) by a non-Christian friend of mine (his own self description) about what motivates me. In other words what is in it for me? This is one of the things that the World does not understand, that the motives of the Christian are not purely selfish. Clearly we cannot fully get away from selfishness. No matter how mature in the Lord, we still see the World from behind our own two eyes! But when I fail (as we all do), it is precisely because I did or said or thought (attitude) something that was displeasing to Him. So what is my motivation? It is to please the Lord. It's easy to be distracted. There are many things including the trials and pains of life that tend to pull us away from our desire to please Him. Again as the Scriptures say “In many things we all fail.”

So back to dealing with the guilt we all have to deal with at times. I am talking here about true guilt (I did something wrong) as opposed to false guilt (guilt trips/shame - you are (I am) no good). As the conscience becomes more sensitive the feeling of having let Him down becomes heavier. The Scriptures again “there is a godly sorrow that leads to repentance.” Repentance is about turning away from something and turning to something (someone), turning to the Lord. What a faithful Friend. He is just not only to forgive but also to cleanse – the blood of Jesus – amazing. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Since we all fair, what is the difference between me and my friend? It is simply this, I am forgiven and cleansed. In this way (when we do repent and meditate on what He has done) our failures simply lead us closer to Him and will eventually fortify us, bring us into the security of His acceptance and set us free from the power of our failures. My guilt is gone, I've been set free. This is much better than beating up on me or stuffing or denying my guilt. Hallelujah what a saviour!

Do life's lessons get harder?

I keep coming back to a verse from James which instructs us to count it all joy in the midst of the trials of life. We all go through trials, and the way we deal with them says something about who we are, or about who we are becoming. Secular Psychology talks about acceptance which I am told is “a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest.” Biblical (as opposed to secular) wisdom both agrees and disagrees with the admonition to do this.

We can cause ourselves a great deal of grief when we are unable to accept or come to terms with what is happening around us and in us. And this lack of acceptance can be the very thing that either prolongs the pain or even makes the situation worse. The unwillingness or the inability to forgive, for example, can poison us and our relationships. There are times we need to forgive others for our own sake, and for the sake of those we love and who have to live with us! On the other hand there are times when acceptance without “without attempting to change it or protest” is nothing less than fatalism and capitulation.

The 12 step prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference” brings a more Biblical balance to the concept of acceptance. But the admonition in James is deeper still. However, the ability to go beyond just acceptance and enter into joy, is predicated in a faith in God who “works all things together for good for those who love Him.”

This faith "knows" that God is in control and that He will actively use even the evil things that happen to us to for our good. This knowing does not preclude working to change things, but when appropriate, it allows us to do so from a place of rest. He does not promise, by the way, that we will always understand how He can possibly work this or that for our good, but the knowing of faith, trusts that it is so. With the help He gives, it is then possible to have joy (different from happiness) even in the midst of life's difficulties. All this is available to all who choose to trust in Him. Even so, we have to grow into it, but when we do, even if life's trials do get harder, we will progressively be able to enter into His joy and peace. “Getting there, not yet arrived :)” P