Did I enter your soul with boots?

I was caused to remember this charming phrase spoken by a Rumanian friend of mine many years ago. She feared that she had been insensitive to me in my hour of need. When our emotions are raw and we share with a friend, we are in a very vulnerable space. At such times we are in need of the kind of deep understanding that someone who has not been there can never give. What can seem to our friend like a perfectly kind and loving response given out of deep concern can feel, to the one in pain, not a tad insensitive. Recognizing she may have stepped over the line in this regard, she asked her question. What she was asking was “When I needed to tread gently, did I in fact walk all over you as it were with field boots?”

By and large we do not deal well with pain. In particular we often do not deal well with the pain we feel when a friend shares his or her pain. If we are good friends we want to help, but how to help is the problem. Over and over (and I have seen this from both sides of the issue) we want to fix the problem for them, and our first thought is to do this by offering unsolicited advice. And it is at this point that we are in grave danger of entering our friend's soul with boots.

I hate it when someone says to me “I know how you feel” (no you don't - boots). It frustrates me when people immediately give advice (boots). When I told one friend I was not particularly looking for advice he told me “I don't take my own advice, but it is good advice” (boots). Perhaps it was, or then again perhaps not, but in any case what is given is usually far easier to say than it is to do, and if you have already tried that and failed, it does not help, really (boots).

I started thinking about this recently when I was listening to a friend. He has problems that overwhelm me just listening to him. I came away thinking that I had not helped him at all. When I took this to the Lord, He told me “You heard him, and that was the very best thing you could have done.” Praying out loud with such a one, and taking the problems just expressed to the Lord, can also help, and this also lets the person know you have heard their pain. On the other hand they may not be ready for it, or they may be mad at God (boots).

It is not rocket science “A closed mouth gathers no foot.” It was not for no reason that the good Lord gave us two ears but just one mouth. James puts it this way “Be swift to hear and slow to speak” (James 1:19).

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is life abundant and eternal.

Wages are what we get for what we do, when we choose to go against God's commands (even unknowingly), we reap the results of our actions. Sin is not a popular word in our politically correct culture, but even if we deny that this or that action is sin, we cannot escape the consequences. Oh we can blame it on others. That was in fact the second sin that followed the first. “Adam, did you eat of the fruit?” - 'The woman – You gave ...' i.e it was the woman's fault and actually God it was Your fault too, You are the one who gave her to me!'

The King James has it right “I curse the earth for your sake” (Genesis 3:17). That is different from 'because of you' in other translations. “For your sake” has behind it the provision and protection that flows from God's love. He wants us to know that when we break His law there are negative consequences (i.e. the Laws are given for our protection). We reap what we sow, and the wages of sin is death. The curse is designed to that the pain of the consequences will lead us back to Him, and to life, life in all its fulness and life for evermore (provision). This is God's gift, we don't deserve it, and we can't earn it. It is the good news of the Gospel. It's the only way to fly!

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials.

This admonition from James chapter one can seem out of sight or even ridiculous when you first read it. But it makes sense in a common sense sort of way. I mean we have all heard of the power of positive thinking, and life certainly seems to go better for those with a positive attitude. On the other hand this is very hard for those of us who have been deeply wounded by life. And putting this advice into practice can be more of a journey than something we just do and get on with.

Clearly the inner wounds that some have sustained in life are much much greater than those of others. Those who come from a stable, loving and affirming home are streets ahead of those who do not. Not that the pain is in any way comparable, but lack of nurture can be as just debilitating as abuse. But in either case there is much that others have done or not done, that helps us explain to ourselves where we are at, and why this admonition from James can seem so out of reach.

When we were children we had no defence for what came down on us, but when we are adults we do not need to let the past be our future. As adults we need to understand that our response to the wrong done to us, can be just as big a factor in keeping us stuck as the wrong done itself. So long as we do nothing but blame others for the state of our emotional health we will not heal. What I am saying, and I do not claim this is easy, is that we need to take responsibility for our responses to the wrong done. If we let Him, and if we fully cooperate with Him, God will help us to come out from under it all. There is much truth in the saying without God man cannot, without man God will not. It is only under full radical surrender that we can prove the good and perfect and acceptable will of God (Romans 12:1,2). In the words of AA “half measures profited us nothing.” Even then it is a process, not an instant over night fix. We may have to suffer more until we are ready to take the radical step. “Are we there yet mummy?”

Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

We live in an age where integrity, faithfulness and doing right have essentially gone down the drain. If it feels good do it, is more the prevailing philosophy of life. The problem is that my doing what feels good too often impacts others negatively. For example, the ease with which we trash relationships because it is “not working for me,” pays little attention to the devastation of the children from such relationships. We excuse it of course, saying that it is better for them not to be in a situation where there is tension and fighting. It never seems to occur to us that we need to deal with the fighting and the selfishness that lies behind our “feel good” culture.

When we have suffered enough, and caused others enough pain, we may be open to the incredible mixture of love, faithfulness and righteousness that is offered to us in the Gospel. Love, faithfulness and righteousness meet supremely in the cross, where for those who will receive it, the penalty for our sin and selfishness is paid in full. Here, by taking the penalty upon Himself, God can be both just (righteous) and loving at the same time. Seeing this in the future, the Psalmist rightly declares that love, faithfulness, righteousness and peace kiss in God's incredible act of unselfishness. It should break our hearts, so we turn to Him in repentance and so receive this indescribable gift.

Big boys don't cry! Really?

The stereotype image of the male is that of the macho man. He can handle anything that comes his way, especially if you are English “stiff upper lip and all that!” The expression is defined by saying that the one who has a stiff upper lip displays fortitude in the face of adversity, or exercises great self-restraint in the expression of emotion. The image is that of the upper lip that starts to tremble as the person seeks to hold back the tears. We can put it this way, the macho man can handle anything but emotion!

So are tears a sign of weakness or of strength? The stuffing of emotions is in fact destructive. Owning our emotions and dealing with them is wholesome and life giving. So how do we deal with them? King David knew how, he “poured out his complaint unto the Lord,” the apostle Paul's prayers were accompanied by “may tears.” If as we read in Ecclesiastes, it is true that with increased knowledge comes increased grief, then it is only appropriate that we weep, as Jesus did, over the state of the World and over those we love who are perishing. It takes courage to allow ourselves to feel our feelings, and if we do allow ourselves to feel our feelings, there will be times when we laugh and times when we cry. There will be times we do not know which to do.

For me there is comfort in the fact that God sees our tears and our joy. He keep our tears “in a bottle.” He is not unmoved by our pain. So do big boys cry? Well I do, and I am not ashamed of my tears, they cleans and they heal. And actually there is not one of us who is not in need of healing! Jesus told us that He came to heal the broken hearted, and the way He seems to do that is to open up the wounds so that He may cauterize them. If this seems to be further wounding, we need to fall back on the saying “faithful are the wounds of a friend.” And there is no greater friend than Jesus!

Waiting is a refining fire

It seems that nobody likes to wait. You know the definition of a split second as the time interval between which the light turns green and the fellow behind starts to honk? We live in an instant, fast paced society, and we hate to wait for anything. If you are like me you want what you want and you want it now!” But I have had to learn to wait.

My life verses start off with “I waited patiently for the Lord ...,” and I always knew these were His instructions. They finish with a promise that I believe, but has not yet been fulfilled. As a little old lady friend of mine (now with Jesus) used to say “The trouble with God, is that He has no sense of time!” Amen!

A few years ago now He asked me if I had waited patiently. I could only say that I waited (and grimaced :) ). I could not add “patiently!” But this period of waiting though very difficult at times, has been good for me because it has been a refining fire. If we submit to it (letting patience have its perfect work) it produces all kinds of fruit (love, joy, peace, patience – especially patience – goodness etc.). I am not yet what I should be, but thank God His refining fire that operates in the period between the promise and the fulfillment, is making me a lot more like Him. Progress, but still a long way to go!

What about the heathen?

It's a politically incorrect way of asking, but a friend of mine asked it this morning citing his grandfather. So I suppose we can forgive him. :). My answer, was that we are not told clearly about those who are distanced from the good news either by geography, or time.

There are indications. For example we are told Abraham, separated by time from Christ, believed and it was counted to him for righteousness. Or again “Where there is no law, there is no transgression for sin.” But there is no getting away from the exclusivity of Christianity. If he or she who chooses not to believe is condemned already because he or she has chosen not to receive the forgiveness offered, then the question about the heathen is mute. When asked a similar question, Jesus answered this way “What is that to you? You must follow me.”

For me the biggest difference (though not the only one) is this question of forgiveness. If, when I am offered the free gift of forgiveness I refuse it, then I remain unforgiven. All choices (even the choice not to choose) have consequences. As for me, though very far from perfect, I am forgiven.