Conflict avoidance robs us of win - win solutions

In my first marriage I fought too much, in my second too little. Don’t get me wrong, when I imply that we need to fight, I mean that we need to fight fair, no insults, no blame, no dragging up the past. We need to attack the issues, not the person! And we have to learn to do this! Our first fights will likely include all of the above and more. And we likely will need help! Perhaps the main job of marriage counselors is to get us past attacking each other, and to start to actually with the issues, such as unreasonable expectations, ignorance etc., etc.

It’s much easier to fight fair, if you are mature, gentle, humble, have learned to listen, are willing to admit it when you are wrong, have learned to give a sincere apology and become willing to make amends where appropriate. I have found it to be easy to be humble with those who are humble, but those who are not? Well that’s another story!

But actually, the above mentioned qualities are the very qualities that will be formed in us if we engage in the process the right way. In fact, the process will also show us how very deficient we are in these qualities. So the process it is important, because without this insight, the verse “he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins” (1 Peter 1:9) is truly applicable to us!

Father, my problem during the long period of my conflict avoidance, was that I was still licking the wounds I received from engaging in conflict in the wrong way. I had not yet experienced the substantial healing of the extravagant unconditional love of your embrace. And I had to learn the hard way, that pushing problems under the rug does not work, but rather leads to lose - lose explosive scenarios. But I also understand that if we learn to engage with each other in the “iron sharpening iron” way you prescribe (Proverbs 27:17), then the win - win scenario of developing love, intimacy and mutual respect is bound to follow. We need your help Lord, I do! Thank You Lord that it is so readily available when we ask. And I give You thanks and praise for this and many other things this morning in Jesus Name Amen

We have this treasure in jars of clay

The treasure that Paul is talking about in this quote from in 2nd Corinthians 4:7, is “Christ in you the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27). Elsewhere we are told that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). So that God is not only with us (Emanuel), but God is also in us. The problem is that we are jars clay, and that clay is opaque, you can’t see through it.

There is an illustration of what needs to happen in Judges 7. The Lord had instructed Gideon to take 100 men to take trumpets and torches inside jars of clay. The battle was won, when the jars of clay were broken allowing the torches to give light, and the trumpets was sounded. The point is that the good news can only be truly heard when the jars of clay are broken.

And what this means is perhaps best summed up in what David said when, after being confronted with his sin, he repented. And what he said was “A broken and contrite heart of God you will not despise” (Psalm 51:17). In other words the light shines in the darkness when we come to Him in repentance and humility. It is only then that our lives will teach transgresses His way (Psalm 51:13).

Father, I not only give you permission to do what needs to be done in order that the treasure that is You in me, will shine out to this wicked and hurting world. I not only give You permission, I even ask You to do whatever is necessary, whatever it takes. I used to ask You to break me, now I simply ask You to do whatever it takes. Lord, I so want to do my part in what You call me to in bringing many to see and fear and to put their trust in You. Whatever it takes Lord, whatever it takes in Jesus Name Amen

This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind … I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

There are three things we may need to forget as Christians that can hinder our pressing towards the prize. Firstly there is the guilt and shame we so often carry for things done in the past. These things can so easily cripple us. The second thing, the thing that Paul was talking about in this quote from Philippians 3: 13, 14, is our pride in our self accomplishment, our self-righteousness. We may not quickly see that this hinders our progress towards the prize. The third thing that may hinder, is the trauma of past events, abuse, betrayal, hurts etc. caused by others.

Before I say more, let me say first, that we need to understand “forget” as meaning that with His help we will no longer allow these things either to define us, or to affect our future. This is how God forgives us (Hebrews 10:17). And if this is to happen, it will not happened by suppressing the memory of the past. In each case there is work to be done, it’s called recovery and there are many Biblical and secular helps available. I have come to realize that the real task of sanctification is dealing with these things, the things in our lives that need to be dealt with!

When we have lived with guilt and shame for years, then embracing the reality that our sin is completely and totally covered by the blood of Jesus Christ can be a process, and sometimes forgiving ourself it is the hardest thing to do (Mark 12:31). Likewise coming to the place where we realize that all our righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) can lead us to despair rather than salvation, but like Paul, we need to exchange our self-righteousness for His righteousness (verse 9). In the third case the road to healing is often long, but if it is not going to affect our future, then the healing that is promised will definitely need to be pursued. In particular, for our own sakes, we will need to begin or continue the process (self forgiveness included) of forgiving from the heart (Matthew 18:35).

Father, I have needed much help in this ongoing process of neither letting the past defined me, nor letting it cripple me. The verse that comes to mind speaks about our looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our salvation (Hebrews 12:2). Thank You Lord for the realizations that all I am talking about this morning only happens in relationship with You, and so we all - I do- need to draw closer to You and to stay close to You. I thank You again this morning Lord that all these things are possible in You. In Jesus Name Amen

The Word of God is living, effective, sharp, piercing and discerning

it would be hard to overvalue the Word of God, to overvalue its beauty, its living nature and its effectiveness in our lives. In this quote from Hebrews 4:12 we are told that it is sharper than a two-edged sword and it is piercing and it is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. in particular when we immerse ourselves in His Word, we can be sure that God will use it to expose the lies we tell ourselves as well as false and or selfish motives. And I take great comfort in this, this morning, since I know how easily my wicked heart can lead me astray. Actually, I have seen but a glimpse of this wickedness, since “Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

When I am feeding daily on His Word, He uses it to show me the way I should go, it convicts me of sin when I have strayed from His ways, shows me how to get back on track, and finally it shows me how to stay on track (2 Timothy 3:16). This morning the Lord used His word to help me overcome deep defilement from something I inadvertently heard yesterday. This is called a trigger in recovery, and I found myself wrestling with deep disgust and temptation over which with His help I have been walking in victory for years and years.

But His Word had prepared me for such times “Let he who thinks he stand take care lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). And through His word I have come to know my heart well enough to know something of what I am capable of, and to know that it it is in His strength and not my own, that I walk in victory. Next His Word assured me that with His help I could overcome this temptation and defilement (1 Corinthians 10:13; 1 John 1:9). Finally His Word reminded me that He had already provided me with the weapon I needed to overcome. In particular it tells me that I have the authority to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

Father, thank You that when I seek to walk in humility, knowing that it is You who saved me and that it is You who keeps me, then I have access to all of the tools I need to walk in victory, and so bring honour and glory and praise to Your name. I pray for those this morning Lord who like me know they are constantly in need of Your help and grace and mercy. And I thank You Lord that when we fully put our trust and hope in You, then You so freely give us these things. In Jesus Name Amen

Inasmuch as you did it unto the least of My brethren, you did it unto Me

Have you been tempted to give up on to somebody. I mean people can be so … well words escape me, acceptable words anyway :-). Am talking about children, spouses, friends, coworkers etc., etc. who let you down, who frustrate you, who deliberately provoke you or are just generally mean.

I’m sure you don’t have anybody in your life like that! But what I find, is that whenever I’m tempted to give up on somebody, the Lord always reminds me of His patience with me. And if He is so patient with me should I not be patient with others? And as this quote from Matthew 25:40 implies, He wants us to think of, and treat others as someone made in His image, and so of infinite value.

I’m not suggesting here, that we should put up with verbal or other abuse. That would be codependency. We do need to have healthy boundaries! But for the Christian, there are tools that are available to help us in the frustrations of life. In particular Jesus tells us to pray for our enemies, and to do good to those who despitefully use us (Matthew 5:44). It’s amazing how much this changes me! It also helps me to remember that He knows my frame, that I am but dust (Psalm 103:14), in this way I don’t get too big for my britches!

Father, the virtues that you call me to, compassion, loving kindness, patience, endurance and the like, they do not come naturally. Thank You for Your patience with us, with me. Lord keep me closed day by day, so that as I drink deeply from the wells of salvation, I may increasingly bear the fruit of Your Spirit, love joy peace etc., etc. And I will give You all the honour and the glory and praise in Jesus Name Amen

… in His law he meditates day and night, He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water

Like most of us, I have struggled from time to time with having a consistent quiet time with the Lord. I knew that I needed to meditate on His Word, but very often the discipline was missing, and I have found that unless I write something down I am not really absorbing it. So in fact this recent habit of writing a blog every morning has been helpful in keeping me consistent. In particular I find, throughout the day that I am asking the Lord for something for me to meditate upon and to blog about. I am also asking that it be relevant to my life!

And I have found that this consistency, this discipline, has made a big change in my life. It has strengthened me, given me more backbone, and I more easily return to peace when things that would formally have stressed me come across my path. And as I was thinking about this this morning, the above quote from Psalm 1:2, 3 came to mind.

The picture makes sense to me, the tree drinking deeply with its tap roots deep into the soil kept moist by the river, remains healthy. Likewise as we drink deeply from the living waters of His Word we remain spiritually healthy. But more, in a parallel passage (in Jeremiah 17:8) we read “…. and will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.” In other words the consistency of meditating “day and night,” fortifies us to overcome in the more difficult trials of life.

Father, I want to thank You again this morning for Your Word. Truly it is living and powerful, and as I feed upon it morning by morning, it not only strengthens me, it draws me ever closer to You the fountain of living water, the God of all peace and hope and joy and love. And I want to thank and praise and worship You this morning for You are worthy, and You do all things well. I pray these things in Jesus Name Amen

The deeper the pit the greater His glory!

It seems to be a common experience that many of us have, of coming to the end of ourselves, coming to the end of our rope! The psalmist describes this as a desolate pit (Psalm 40:2). The image seems to be of the predicament Jeremiah found himself in when he was literally dropped into a pit which was waist high in miry clay. At such times we cry out to the Lord, and may even make promises to Him. And some of us follow through, and some do not.

I’ve been in a number of desolate pits over the years. The first lead to my conversion. I found myself an ocean away from my little daughter with nothing I can do about it, and it sucked the life out of me. More recently I was hearing many stories in a recovery group, of a number of different scenarios where people came to the end of themselves. We had been responding to an exceptional testimony of a man who had got life because of a murder he committed. At the end of his rope, he found Christ, and became part of a revival inside the pen. Lifers are not easily paroled, but such was the change in this man’s life, that it was eventually granted. And now he is a recovery leader on the outside.

Corrie ten-Boom is one of my heroines. Together with her sister she was imprisoned in Ravensbrück concentration camp during the war, for hiding Jews from the Nazis. Before she died, the sister told Corey to take this message to the world. “There is no pit so deep, that God is not deeper still. They will believe us,” she said “because of where we have been!” And emerging from this deep pit, the Lord did indeed use Corrie to travel the world bringing honour and praise and glory to His wonderful Name.

Lord, these desolate pits are crossroads. When we cry out to You in our helplessness, You lift us up out of the pit. You put our feet on a rock, You establish our steps and put a song in our mouths, a song of praise unto our God. And the result is that many shall see and fear and put their trust in You (Psalm 40:1 – 3). This is my testimony, and Lord I hold You to Your promise that many shall see and fear and put their trust in You. And I will indeed give You all the honour and all the glory, and all the praise in Jesus Name Amen