Conflict avoidance robs us of win - win solutions

In my first marriage I fought too much, in my second too little. Don’t get me wrong, when I imply that we need to fight, I mean that we need to fight fair, no insults, no blame, no dragging up the past. We need to attack the issues, not the person! And we have to learn to do this! Our first fights will likely include all of the above and more. And we likely will need help! Perhaps the main job of marriage counselors is to get us past attacking each other, and to start to actually with the issues, such as unreasonable expectations, ignorance etc., etc.

It’s much easier to fight fair, if you are mature, gentle, humble, have learned to listen, are willing to admit it when you are wrong, have learned to give a sincere apology and become willing to make amends where appropriate. I have found it to be easy to be humble with those who are humble, but those who are not? Well that’s another story!

But actually, the above mentioned qualities are the very qualities that will be formed in us if we engage in the process the right way. In fact, the process will also show us how very deficient we are in these qualities. So the process it is important, because without this insight, the verse “he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins” (1 Peter 1:9) is truly applicable to us!

Father, my problem during the long period of my conflict avoidance, was that I was still licking the wounds I received from engaging in conflict in the wrong way. I had not yet experienced the substantial healing of the extravagant unconditional love of your embrace. And I had to learn the hard way, that pushing problems under the rug does not work, but rather leads to lose - lose explosive scenarios. But I also understand that if we learn to engage with each other in the “iron sharpening iron” way you prescribe (Proverbs 27:17), then the win - win scenario of developing love, intimacy and mutual respect is bound to follow. We need your help Lord, I do! Thank You Lord that it is so readily available when we ask. And I give You thanks and praise for this and many other things this morning in Jesus Name Amen