A thousand reasons to do it, a thousand reasons not to

There is a saying, that if a man wants to do something (clearly the ladies are excluded :) ), he will find a thousand reasons to do it. If on the other hand,  he does not want to do something, he will find a thousand reasons not to do it.  I have seen it over and over. Actually what I have seen is that if a man really wants to do something though there be a thousand reasons not to do it, if he finds even one reason to ignore the thousand, he is off to the races.  He will then look for nine hundred ninety nine reasons to justify his actions, and he will find them (even if he has to tell himself a bunch of lies),  and he will surround himself with those who (for whatever reason) agree with him.   It is everywhere.  It is in me,  and it is in you,  if only potentially.

Psychology explains all this in terms of denial and rationalization. Thousands of years earlier the Bible gave greater insight when it explained that the heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). 
I have come to the place where I am fully convinced that each and every one of us, given the right (or perhaps the wrong) circumstances,  is capable of the most heinous of sins/crimes.  There was a time when I had murder in my heart, justifiable murder (at least in the perspective of the time).  I didn't follow through though (just in case you were wondering). But why? Perhaps it was simply that I was not convinced that I would get away with it.   Who knows accurately his or her own motives?

Woody Allen, in an explanation of his affair with Mia Farrow's adopted daughter is reported to have said  "The heart wants what the heart wants".  The point of the quote though is that it reflects very much the philosophy of out culture.  Allan's explanation seems to imply that we are at the mercy of what the heart wants. But what if the heart wants incest, or rape? The heart may want what it wants, but should the heart always have what it wants? 

A friend of mine once told me that he felt a marriage would be successful only if the parties were lucky enough not to meet someone they liked better outside of the marriage. But as the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  Whatever happened to faithfulness, to integrity?  Whatever happened to commitment?  

Our choices have consequences. In the break up of a marriage, for example,  the children suffer deeply. Research is just beginning to show that the break up of a marriage scars the children for life. Try googling “Life long trauma of adult children of divorce”.  There is growing evidence that this trauma is only slightly lessened (if at all) when the divorce takes place after the children are grown. One person described the effect of divorce on the children as tearing the children in two.  You see no matter how careful we try to be,  our self justification puts pressure on the children to take sides. I mean if your mum and dad are fighting, who do you want to win?

Certainly divorce has a profound effect on the sense of stability and security of the children.  It has to do with seeing what was thought to be permanent, sound secure and unmovable,  collapse. It sets a powerful negative example of how to deal with problems,  of how even relationships  are to be evaluated by usefulness in this throw away, and increasingly sick society in which we live. In any case statistics show that children of divorce are far more likely to divorce than those whose parents work through their difficulties.  It is even worse when the parents are Christian, since the children are likely to say “even God could not help mum and dad”. No wonder God hates divorce. 

But the divorce rates are just one symptom of how sick our society has become. It is not just the environment that is showing signs of the abuse that is heaped upon it.  Consider for example, our increasing self-centeredness, our propensity to take rather than give, to hate rather than love,  to demand rather than negotiate,  to tear down rather than encourage, to blame rather than own up, to build walls rather than bridges, to avenge rather than forgive, to see our side, but not the other person's.   These things and more, are pushing us more and more into self absorption, isolation, loneliness and pain.  Part of the solution, is to “take fearless inventory”  of where we are “at” (step 4 of 12 step programs), to admit our side in all (and more) of what is written above, to turn from it and to return to the guardian and overseer of our souls.  When we do this He will abundantly pardon, and when we start to follow Him in radical (and costly) obedience, we will discover He is the Comforter and the Healer, the lover and restorer of our souls,  and the fountain of love and joy and peace.  It is His promise.