If your brother sins against you.... Restoring Desolations IV

Speaking the truth in love is not, as I said above, recovery 101. But it is indispensable if we are going to grow. The importance of these things is underlined for me, in the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17. Jesus commands us to seek peace with our brother, and gives us a process to follow if we cannot settle things between the two of us. Whether we like it or not, or whether we acknowledge it or not, when things that need to be dealt with are not dealt with, they affect the whole of the fellowship.

Perhaps the level of importance of this teaching is seen in the fact that it is the second of just two passages in the gospels, where the word “church” is found on the lips of Jesus. Of course the church was not even in existence at the time. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that it if Jesus gave explicit instructions (while He still could) about how disputes are to be settled in the Church, then these teaching must be important. In fact both teachings are closely tied into His primary purpose in coming (Ephesians 1:9,10). The first occurrence of this word is to be found in Matthew 16:18, where He tells us about the foundation on which He will build His Church. It is the foundation of faith in Jesus Christ himself as the chief cornerstone (see also Ephesians 2:20). The teaching that faith in Christ is foundational has, of course, been widely embraced by the Church. On the other hand this second important teaching, that pertains to maintaining unity, and to the health of the body, has been largely ignored. We should pause to wonder why this should be so!

My own conclusion, is that it is simply too hard. It is in fact even harder than speaking the truth in love (see last day's post). This is because it essentially starts with the speaking the truth in love, but does not end with it. That is it too hard is of course an excuse, not a reason. We need to look at the text.

Matthew 18:15ff “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

I am fond of pointing out that many times there are two different ways to get a Scriptural teaching wrong. Many times there are just two equal and opposite errors, I call them ditches alongside the highway of holiness. But with this foundational teaching, there are a multitude of ways to get it wrong. How can we fail Him? Let me count the ways!

The first is this: 'If your brother sins against you, treat him like a tax collector'. To do this, of course, is to completely short circuit the process. Matthew had been a tax collector himself, and he would know well just what that felt like to be a tax collector in ancient Israel. It would have been even worse than being a tax collector or even a preacher today! In our goal oriented society we cut quickly to the bottom line. But God is far more interested in the process. The process here will reveal the heart, and the heart of the matter is the heart (Proverbs 4:23). The second way to get it wrong is this: 'If your brother sins against you, tell it to the Church'. Its called gossip! Incidentally, one of the ways I can know if I need to go to my brother, is if I am feeling compelled to “tell it to the church”, that is if I need to tell others! When things are not dealt with, they tend to fester, and when they do, they will spill over into the church. There is a spirit behind these things, and it is not the Spirit of Christ! A third way to get it wrong is if the offended one is soon “touchy” and tends to make mountains out of molehills. What is interesting here, is that if this is my weakness, if I am constantly being picky, going to my brother over every little thing, then if in the end I am not willing to be shown my fault, then the process will likely end up with me being the one treated like a tax collector. What I am saying is that the process itself has checks and balances built into it!

A fourth way I can get it wrong, is for me to go to my brother with the wrong attitude, for example if I go with the attitude that “I need to get this brother kicked out of the church”. The primary purpose here is to “win your brother (sister)” (verse 15b). Here again the process will reveal this, and attitudes of judgementalism and unlove will, if dealt with Biblically, will be dealt with as the process unfolds. In our teaching on this passage, we need to point out that getting “one or two others” who I know will take my side, is contrary to intent of the passage, and this too can (and should when necessary) backfire on the one bringing the complaint.

Another way to get this wrong (I have lost count), is to fail to even start, or to start, but not follow through, in the process because in our mind, the offense is not serious enough to kick someone out of the church. There are two problems with this, the first is that it misunderstands the passage as saying it is the offense that is the grounds for treating the person “like a tax collector”. The passage however teaches that the reason for moving through each step of the process is the same for each step. It is not about the severity of the offense, but it is rather "if he will not hear". It is about about the refusal to be reconciled, the refusal to deal with what needs to be dealt with. Unity, and the quality of the fellowship is what is at stake here. The second problem is that it is wrong to prejudge the case before all the facts are in. The offended party may not even be able to fully articulate what is at the heart of the problem. There are many things that are hidden, and only the process can unearth the truth. This is the meaning of the phrase that 'every word may be established.’ One counsellor put it this way “In a dispute we each know about 10% of the truth". The process is intended to carefully “establish every word.” Not everything is as it might at first appear.

A big part of what the witnesses need to do, is to help the warring parties to hear each other. To do this properly requires a lot of skill. They should first and foremost seek to remain neutral until all the facts are known. Both sides need to be heard. It is only when we extend dignity to each other by listening, and by speaking the truth in love, that we will start to see things as they really are. Both sides need to be kept accountable to this principle. We are much more likely to show control in the presence of those who can gently point out the need to do this. We also need to be aware that it is common for the one being accused to use the "best defense is attack" approach. Passive aggressive types can do this with a soft voice, adding insult to injury. The witness should be well aware of these possibilities, and nip them quickly in the bud should they appear. There are many things Satan would like to use to derail the process. We must be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

So then there are a multitude of reasons we give as to why the process of Matthew 18 should not be followed. Another is that well there are just too many complaints to be dealt with, or because “there is no possibility of reconciliation”. All of these reasons are excuses. We are called to be obedient, not to decide to obey or not to depending on our assessment of the success or not, of the outcome.

In our teaching on this passage that is so very very relevant to the spiritual health of our communities, we should, I believe, teach that it is likely that there are faults on both sides. The Scripture tell us "The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbour comes and examines him" (Proverbs 18:17). We need to warn the one bringing the complaint, that the process is likely to reveal faults on both sides, and that it can back fire on him. In this way we will not trivialize the process, or use it as a means to get our own way. Our communities are not without those who are contentious. On the other hand, from my observation far too many churches have the unwritten but strongly enforced rules “don't think, don't speak, don't feel, don't act, don't rock the boat”. Too many of our “Christian” fellowships have the tendency to push problems under the rug, giving the impression of unity, but creating long term problems (see last day's post). These things do not make for genuine Christian community, they weaken it, making our fellowship superficial. The World will never see that “We are Christians by our love”, when we cover up differences as though they do not exist.

This last point is, in my observation, a big problem. The default is to become communities of conflict avoiders, denying even that there is anything to deal with. We live in a culture that is at least verbally hostile to the Christian faith, and we have become silent in the face of the tyranny of political correctness. Our defensiveness too easily spills over to the way we deal with each other. It takes courage to speak the truth both inside and outside the church. So we stick to what is safe, to what does not rock the boat, and our fellowships have the appearance, but not the reality of true Christian unity.

I find that those of us who name the name of Christ admit easily that we are sinners, but not that we sin, at least in specific ways. We do not hold each other accountable. It is so much easier to just 'let her slide by' – But our fellowships are impoverished because of it. When we are willing to settle for peace at any cost, we end up regarding those who would speak the truth as trouble makers. When this happens we loose the edge we are intended to have. When we will not even deal with the conflict within, we cease to be the salt and the light we are intended to be. When we will neither speak the truth in love, nor deal with what needs to be dealt with, we short cut the very process He provided for growth (Proverbs 27:17).

There are probably many other blocks, excuses and the like that we use to avoid putting this difficult teaching into practice. But we need to remember that Jesus condemned the Pharisees because with their human wisdom, they rendered the clear commandment of God null and void and of no effect (Mark 7:11-13 AMP). The question we need to ask ourselves is if, when we ignore, excuse or otherwise rationalize away this clear teaching of the Word of God, are not doing the very same thing with our oh so finite human wisdom?