The poison of guilt, shame and resentment

I shared a poster on facebook recently that said “Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head.” I can relate to that, because there was a time when my undealt with anger resulted in resentful thoughts going round, and round, and round in my head. It's poison, and the ones it poisons most is firstly myself, and then those I love.

But it is not just bitterness and resentment that is poison. All of them are. It is helpful to distinguish between guilt and shame. Guilt says “I have done something wrong,” shame says “There is something wrong with me.” We can suppress and/or deny our guilt, but it eats away at us anyway. If it's not affecting us, why do we get angry when someone takes a stand against the sort of thing we have done, undermining our rationalization? Shame, when we embrace it undermines us, it keeps us hidden in relationships, often even with ourselves, certainly from others. It sabotages intimacy and friendship which too often become superficial. Then we wonder why we are lonely.

The cure for resentment and bitterness is to forgive. There is a lot to forgive, but it helps me to know that there are many things that others need to forgive me for. The cure for guilt is to be forgiven, and there is only One whose forgiveness really matters, the One who paid the price for all our wrong doing. The cure for shame, is to know that I am loved, that I am significant that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You may not feel that way about me, but that no longer matters, because the One who forgave me thinks I am the bees knees, and I am learning to rest in that. It's the only way to fly!