It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees

This reaction of the Psalmist, to see the good in his suffering, was not my immediate reaction to the pain of my messed up life. Like most people I cried out “Why me,” and looked for someone else to blame. The ones closest at hand, not being perfect, supplied sufficient ammunition for me to easily rationalize my own innocence.

But when we cry out “Why me,” we are likely crying out to God, same as when, in the rude awakenings of life, the words “Oh my God” escape from our lips. In lesser times it is likely swearing, but not in the really hard times. At least it was this way for me. When the pain got deep enough and lasted long enough, I came to the place I was desperate enough to cry out “God if you are there please help me!” When we really mean it, He shows Himself. He did for me, and He promises to do that for anyone who will search for Him with all of their heart. Note the searching is to be with all of the heart, not with all of the the mind. When we do this we find Him, not because we we are clever, in fact our cleverness coupled with our pride can be a real hinderance. No we find Him when we search with all of our hearts, because He, in His Mercy, shows Himself.

This is the testimony of how I found Him. But really He was searching for me. He used the pain of my own and other's choices to bring me to the place where I was willing to change whatever I needed to change in order to find peace, hope and joy. In doing this I found Him, the source of all these things. I am not talking about finding religion, I am not talking about a set of lifeless and unmotivated rules imposed from above, I am talking about finding a loving relationship with the creator that only He could make possible. A relationship between a prideful, selfish, self centred individual such as me, with a Holy righteous and loving God. It was of course the cross that made the reconciliation possible.

Now many years later in the quiet time I spend with Him every day, I came across the title of this post in the Psalms. It stood out to me, because it now makes perfect sense. I am of course sorry for all the hurt I caused others with my stubborn selfishness. Nevertheless I am now grateful for the affliction that came upon me as consequences of my own and others choices. I am grateful, because it lead me to start to know (I have not yet arrived) the safety and the wisdom of His Decrees, and the peace and joy of fellowship with Him, whom to know is the essence of life itself.