As iron sharpens iron,

so a friend sharpens the countenance friend (Proverbs 27:17).  The idea of it being iron sharpening iron rather than the whetstone, has to do with it being one to another. The countenance of course is about  the expression of the face,  in this case as expressed friend to friend. The assumption here, is that friends do not mask their true feelings,  as when a person says one thing but means another. We can of course,  lie with our facial expressions. We do than many times when asked how we are doing. And we answer “fine,” even when we're dying inside. Well,  it might not be safe! The assumption is that friends are safe,  and don't need to do that! It may not be true,  but then the other person might not be a true friend. Another proverb suggests  “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).  Sometimes the truth hurts!

The idea of the proverb is that sharpening is a good thing.  A sharp axe is better than a dull one. Obviously some sort of friction is involved in the process, and the proverb is saying it's a good thing too.  In many Christian circles conflict avoidance is rampant. Of course conflict can be bad, but conflict avoidance between friends sabotages the friendship. Sometimes it is necessary in tough love to speak to a friend something that they will need time to process, as when setting healthy boundaries. Paul and Barnabas had a strong disagreement over whether to invite Mark on a missionary journey. Mark had failed Paul earlier, and the “contention became so sharp that they parted from one another” (Acts 15:37, 39). Paul and Mark later reconciled (2 Timothy 4:11). Solomon speaks of there being a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing (Ecclesiastes 3:5). But God's heart is always for eventual reconciliation. 

 

The Lord
intends those seemingly pesky “irreconcilable differences” to produce harmony through the iron sharpening iron process. Harmony is a pleasing arrangement of differences,  as with a chord in music being pleasant to the ear.  Covenant and commitment are important here. Jordon Peterson speaks of the necessity of covenant in marriage. He tells “You're trouble and so am I.”  Absent abuse,  we need to commit to not leaving, for this will bring us our of conflict avoidance and into the iron sharpening iron process. It's on my heart to say here that God has a purpose in forbidding sex before marriage, since sex (eros or erotic love) before commitment inevitably stunts the (philoe) friendship  love. Then when the passions fade though conflict or conflict avoidance,  there is no friendship love to fall back on.  Resolution of our differences into harmony does not need to be contentious.  It needs to be two people against a problem, rather thank two people against each other. We may need help! In this regard the church has largely abdicated its role as peace makers!

Father, I confess that I at times,  and Your church at most times,  have largely abdicated our God given role as peacemakers.  For me part of the problem is that when I have tried this,  I have been sat on by both sides. The mediator's role is not aways a happy one.  We ask  for courage Lord and  wisdom to know what and when and how. Thank You for the guidance in Your Word,  and for Your willingness to answer prayers like this. We give Your praise and glory in Jesus Name Amen.