Guilt, shame, acceptance, journey

Words are so inadequate. The problem is that many times, there is no universal agreement on what a particular word means. Guilt and shame are two such confusing words and they are loaded. I want (perhaps a little over simplistically) to say that we feel guilt when we have done something wrong. When we feel shame we are somehow believing that we are fatally flawed.  So when somebody says “You aught to be ashamed of yourself”, it is a guilt trip, in the normal use of the phrase, but  perhaps we should call it a “shame trip”.

Jesus speaking of Holy Spirit said that “When He comes, He will convict the world of sin  of righteousness and of judgement”.   In my journey to becoming a Christian I came to the place where I felt that conviction, and felt it deeply. It wasn't Christians laying guilt trips on me, it came directly from the Lord. In the end it was a gift.  Oh I knew before that, that I was not perfect (not by a long shot), but this was different. I was in crisis (see "You will search ...") ,  and part of what I felt was a godly sorrow for my sin. I suddenly understood how deeply my poor choices, and my selfishness had impacted others.  I desperately (at least for a while) wanted to change, and I needed release from condemnation. 

There is a Vineyard song that says well what happened next. “I long for freedom to live in the truth, I long to be more like you. But every time I try to bring about change I only touch the visible me”.  They tell me its a bit like giving up smoking, you don't realize just how hard it is, until you try it.  Well actually I can say its easy, because I never smoked. But when I tried to change my life for the better, I fell flat on my face (or perhaps it was some other part of my anatomy). Well I was going to change the World!  Talk about egg on my face.

So this important step on my journey,  was the realization that I could not change me the way I wanted and needed to change. It is like trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. I needed outside help!  Self help yes, but Bible help and God's help too (echos of my book!). 

So what has this got to do with guilt and shame? I felt both. I felt shame, I felt fatally flawed. I did not realize until much later, how dependent I was on what other people thought of me, and how that influenced me (both good and bad, with bad the default). I had an orphaned spirit.  You see the cure for guilt is to be forgiven not denial,  as most of the World deals with it. The cure for shame is to know that you are loved and valued by Almighty God. Now if you know (and can at times feel) that are loved by Him, if you know that you are a precious, precious son or daughter, then it does not matter what others might think about you. I am a child of the living God, accepted by Him and secure in Jesus Christ.  That acceptance is known and felt in relationship to which He invites all who will come (John 1:12).