We are not what happened to us

I was reminded of this saying when visiting a dear friend recently. He was not part of the conversation, but the illustration of this principle in one who lived this out to the full (Nelsen Mandela) did not escape me. His life illustrates so clearly that we do not need to be for ever trapped and continually wounded by the bad things that have happened to us in the past. To come out of his three decades of unjust imprisonment, and show the kind of grace he did to those who so unjustly treated him, reminds me so much of the one to whom I owe my allegiance, Jesus of Nazareth, whose birth we will shortly celebrate (at least I will).

Most of us bear the scars of difficult happenstances, of bad things others have done to us, and of the consequences of our own poor choices. Anger, bitterness and self pity so often trap us in the past, and rob us of any kind of wholesome future. I don't know about you, but I want more than a life of quiet desperation. But is it hard sometimes to forgive, hard to put obsessive thoughts behind us, difficult to get past the pain of betrayals real and imagined, too easy to place blame and absolve ourselves of any wrong, to nurse the injustices and plot to get even. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt!

It does not help when others tell us “get over it.” They have not walked in our moccasins! Nevertheless getting over it is what needs to happen. What helped me to get over my own daemons was the discovery that I could have an ongoing relationship with the source of all love and peace and joy and hope. In finding intimacy with Him, I found healing and the wherewithal to continue, as I gave all my pain and anger and bitterness to the One who endured so much more than I ever will. In relationship with Him, I found release from the past, and so very much more. I even got to like myself. That was a big plus (when I stopped beating myself up!).

I am not saying I have arrived, I have not. I still struggle at times with all sorts of things, including my own selfishness. In fact in getting close to Him, I see that more and more clearly. But I would not have survived without Him. Some would call this a crutch, but to me it is more like a brand new pair of legs, and if we are honest, most of us are (or were) limping! Some of us are what happened to us, but we do not need to be!