Search me, O God, and know my heart;

....    Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23, 24). In verse 1 we read “You have searched me, O Lord,  and known me.” Thus this  Psalm concludes with David asking God to do what He had already been doing for some time.  And if you or I find the the thought of God searching our hearts scary, I dare say we don't yet know God as David did! In verse 5 he says “You have hedged me in from behind and in front, and laid Your hand upon me.” It calls to mind the incident where God sent Nathan to exposed David's heart to himself over his adultery with Bathsheba,  and the subsequent murder of her husband in an attempt to cover it up (2 Samuel 11, 12). Remarkably then in verse 6 he declares “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” And in this morning's verses he is saying “Keep doing it Lord!”

In the midst of his repentance, David writes “Let me know joy and gladness; let the bones that You have broken rejoice” (Psalm 51:8). The phrase “the bones You have broken” speaks of crushing guilt and shame, and fear of just punishment. But the pain that comes at the exposure of our sin,  is a crossroads.  Paul  writes “godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation without regret; but the sorrow of the world produces death (2 Corinthians 7:10). The Corinthians had responded as David did,  and Paul goes on to say “See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done” (verse 11).  In other words they were now on fire for God!

“Without regret” is an interesting phrase! Paul, I believe, is speaking from experience. His pre-conversion self (Saul) had been “ breathing out threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord” (Acts 9:1). And He too had had a dramatic encounter with the Lord that had lead to repentance (verses 4-6).  In many ways, it's my own story too. I have often said things like “If I knew then, what I know now ....”  You can probably fill in your own story here! So yes I would do things differently! But I also know myself well enough to know that, at least in the past, I had to learn things the hard way, from the school of hard knocks. And this being the case,  I can look back and say “God knew I had to go through that, and do what I did, in order for me to come to the end of myself. And it was only at that point that my stubborn and rebellious heart was willing to surrender.” So no, I don't have regrets, because those were the very things that brought me to Him, and likely the only things that would have!

Father, when we respond the right way in repentance, what Your searching our hearts, and trying our anxious thought is doing, is heart surgery. It exposes the roots of our anxieties, and cuts away at anything that prevents us from receiving Your extravagant healing love.  So search me O Lord and try my heart, and lead me more and more  into fullness of life and deeper intimacy with You.  Let the bones that You broke continue to rejoice in Jesus Name Amen