A helper comparable to him III: The dance of intimacy

“Now the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him” (Genesis 2:18 AMP).

The 'men are from Mars and women from Venus' paradigm emphasizes the differences between men and women. Differences are often described as “irreconcilable,” and are used as a reason (or excuse),  for marriage breakups.  There are three words that come to mind from this morning's verse,  they are comparable, compatible and complement. Complementary relationships are the idea of completing one another.  Where one is weak, for example, the other is strong and vice versa.  But how come differences are so often a cause of separation?

Concerning similarities, a line from a Bob Dylan song, comes to mind “It ain't no use a-talking to me. It's just the same as a-talking to you!” What's the point? Well if we were completely  compatible at every point,  life would be pretty boring! On the other hand, if we have no compatibility at all,  we would likely not even connect. Again what's the point?  Well the point is that comparable in paradise consisted of both compatibility and complementarity, and that similarities and differences are an essential part of a healthy relationship.   

One of the things that needs to happen then, is that we get rid of the mindset that considers that successful relationships are all about  compatibility. On the other hand there's an aspect of compatibility without which things can become very difficult. I'm thinking of the admonition that believers should not marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If, for whatever reason this comes too late, the next best option is for the believer to stay,  and win the unbeliever to Christ (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). Coming back to our differences,  there is an interesting book entitled “Argument free marriage.” The authors suggest we should work towards it being two people against a problem, rather than two people against each other.  The difficulty of course,  is that it is in close relationships that our faults become obvious to the other. Someone I know told me that she did not realize how selfish she was until she got married (this to me is evidence of good communication).  But if we are going to move towards paradise, our selfishness need to die (Romans 8:13).

Differences when handled in a Kingdom way, produce harmony, if they are not handled this way, they produce discord. As mentioned before,  confessing our faults to one another is our part in brining the Kingdom to earth in relationships.  It likely starts with our sharpening each other as iron sharpens iron, but when, with His help,  we persists, He does His part in bringing healing  (James 5:16; Proverbs 27:17).  It's still not likely to progress in a straight line in ever increasing intimacy, it's more like a dance.

Father, Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing (Ecclesiastes 3:5). I see this as the dance.  Learning to speak the truth in love with each other,  giving  each other space,  and learning to forgive and to make up,  are all part of the  dance (Ephesians 4:15, 32).  No one is saying it's easy Lord,  and we need Your grace, Your help. We also need a lot of wisdom and humility, and I am asking for it this morning for me Lord,  in Jesus Name Amen