Divorce and relationship difficulties in the Kingdom

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”  (Genesis 2:24). In His radically strict teaching on divorce,  Jesus quotes this verse from Genesis and then adds “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). Under the Old Covenant (Exodus 20:1-17), divorce had been permitted (Deuteronomy 24:1-4), Jesus is saying that was never God's intention. He goes on to say that it was allowed, because of the hardness of heart (19:8). Possible exceptions to this stricter rule include adultery, and the unbelieving spouse leaving the marriage (19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-16).

Hardness of heart is very much alive in the Church, where divorce and remarriage statistics closely match those of the world. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, but Jesus is calling believers to a higher standard, not just in marriage relationships, but in our relationships in general. I am firmly convinced that marriage is God's primary tool to make us more like Christ (Romans 8:28, 29), and this is true even for those of us (yes me) who have failed. But there are lessons to be learned from any relationship that is going, or has gone, wrong. They are crossroads on our journey. For Adam and Eve it was the blame game (Genesis 3:12, 13). There is however a better way (1 Corinthians 12:31ff).

One of the things we hear often, is that love had died. But for the believer who believes in resurrection, this need not be the end (see Philippians 3:10, 11 AMP). Peter Scazzero in his 'Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Course' says “We all face many “deaths” within our lives.  Our culture routinely interprets these losses and griefs as alien invasions and interruptions to our “normal” lives. The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal,  or will open us up to new possibilities and depths of transformation in Christ. Loss is a place where self-knowledge and powerful transformation can happen if we have the courage to participate fully in the process.”

There are many resources out there to help us when we encounter the crossroads of which I speak. Twelve-step-programs are useful, not just for addicts. The heart of the steps help us to deal with the inner life,  taking responsibility for our side of the street, dealing with bitterness and resentment,  forgiving and making amends. They work best when the higher power is Jesus (Google Celebrate Recovery). One of the strengths of these  programs is the fellowship with others on the same journey. No program is perfect and, as with all of these resources, what you get out of it is directly proportional to what you put into it.

This bring me to the marriage covenant (promises). If we are to take “for better or worse” seriously, we need to have a realistic assessment of our fallen nature. Jordon Peterson says that we need covenant because “You're trouble, and I'm trouble!”  If you don't know that before marriage you will find it out quickly afterwards, at least about your spouse! Someone I know told me “I didn't realize how selfish I was until I got married.” Coming out of denial here, is an essential part of taking care of “my side of the street.”  It is the exact opposite of the blame game (James 5:16).

Lord, there can be no resurrection life without the death of the self life (Romans 8:13). We need Your help Lord, thank You for Your blueprint for marriage (next day) in Jesus Name Amen