The context of the Psalm we are looking at (142), is of David fleeing from King Saul who was seeking his life. David is alone and hiding in a cave. Perhaps it was dark, dank and dreary, no place you would choose to be. In verse 4 David speaks of being alone and isolated “I have no refuge, no one cares for my soul.” But between verses 4 and 5 something has happened, for in verse 5 he tells the Lord “You are my refuge, You are my portion”. Things change when we come to the Lord in our desperation, giving it all to Him and waiting on Him. It did for David, and it can for us too.
Some are reluctant to bring strong feelings to the Lord, but He can handle our anger and frustration. He is not surprised by our out of control emotions. He would that we came to Him angry even with Him, rather than stay away. And we all get angry with God at times, even if is makes no sense. Many who deny that God exists are simply angry with Him (it's just a variation of the silent treatment!). One friend refuses to admit he is angry with God because “its not logical”! We need to be honest with God, and we need to be honest with ourselves. These things are at the heart of any functional relationship. David knew that God requires “truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6).
There are times when the Psalmist is brutally honest, and this gives us permission to be honest too. In the Psalms, we see real responses to real injustices, and to the trials, temptations and difficulties of life. There are times when the Psalmist feels abandoned by God, but still he comes to Him. In Psalm 13 for example David cries out “How long, Oh Lord? will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” We can paraphrase this is "God you don't love me and you don't care". Its not true of course, but that it what it felt like! Some of the Psalms express thoughts and desires that are clearly inappropriate, as they come from an honest but bitter heart. In Psalm 137:9 we read “Happy and blessed shall he be who takes and dashes your little ones against the rock!” Of course this is not something to copy for “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:9 -see also Hebrews 12:15). The point I am making though is that we can be real with God. We know that bitterness is poison (Hebrews 12:15), but many times the pain and the injustices are so great that we need His help to get out from under it. We get that help as we come to Him, not by staying away. If we let Him, he will bring us back to the way we should go.
So then we can come to God sad, mad or bad. He is big enough to handle it. And when we come to Him, we come to one who is bigger and wiser and more powerful that we are. He has the answer we need (not necessarily the answer we want, but certainly the one we need!). He also has the ability to give us the wherewithal to do what needs to be done. When we come to God seeking His input and stay there wrestling things though with Him, then we will receive from Him what we need to get unstuck. There are two things here, we need to come, and we need to stay until faith returns and we are changed. The Psalms are a wonderful vehicle to help us in this regard.
In terms of simply coming, it is wise to stop before we even start, and ask Him both to help us and to meet us in our reading. Too often I just start reading, and I can do this without even acknowledging that He is there. It is relationship He is after and it is in intimate relationship that we will be healed.
In terms of not hurrying, like the rest of Scripture, the Palms should be thought of as concentrated Truth that needs to be “unzipped”. We should not expect to be able to speed read the Scriptures. It is far too easy to miss what is happening “between the lines”. Many of the Psalms are written as poetry, and need to be understood that way. In particular, as discussed above, the changes that took place between verses 4 and 5 (and 7) of Psalm 142 likely took some time. Neither God nor the Scriptures promise instant solutions or immediate relief. In fact it is His plan to use the trials of life to strengthen us, and put steel and integrity into our character. Peter puts it this way “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you” (1 Peter 4:12). He also tells us that “the God of all grace...., after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10 NIV).
When we “dwell in the secret place of the Most High” (Psalm 91:1) a transformation begins to take place. For one thing, we see things differently, and we receive His comfort, strength and love, and He speaks His truth into our hearts. David did not record exactly what happened in his interaction with God, or how or what He spoke to him. But we do have his response. Over and over in the beginning of this or that Psalm he comes in desperate, but he exits declaring for example “The righteous shall surround me (no longer alone and isolated), For You shall deal bountifully with me.” (Psalm 142:7 NKJV– words in brackets mine). David is expressing his faith and assurance that God will do as He has always done, and David is resting in His goodness (verse 7 NIV).
God loves us to take a hold of Him in prayer. The Scriptures show us over and over how the saints of old did this. The words of Jacob in his hour of need come to mind as in fear for his life and for those he loves, he wrestles with the Lord. He tells Him “I will not let you go until you bless me” (Genesis 32:26). This is the very opposite of the instant solutions our society has come to expect/demand. Jacob was wresting the whole night. Indeed David tells us that it is in meditating on His Word “day and night” that we become like a tree planted by the waters (Psalm 1). Jesus tells us something very similar when He says that if we continue in His Word, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31 ff).
Note that the emphasis is on “staying” as we read words like dwell, abide and continue. His benefits are not for those who are not willing to do anything other than rush in and out of His presence. He is after relationship, we should be too, because it is in His presence, in intimacy with Him, in the secret place, where we find grace and peace and strength. In fact this is where we find that He is everything that we need. And we are changed. As I have said before, we even get to like ourselves. It starts with me pouring out my complaint, but it ends with life and health and peace even before the circumstances change.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
I pour out my complaint to the Lord
In this Psalm from which the title of the post comes (Psalm 142), David talks about being alone with nowhere to go (no refuge). He feels like nobody cares for Him (verse 4). He is persecuted and brought very low by those who are stronger than he (verse 6). He has been ensnared (verse 3) and he feels like he is in prison (verse 7). He is feeling completely overwhelmed (verse 3). Can anybody relate?
One of the things we humans seem to be very good at is getting stuck, at least it is if you are anything like me. There have been times in my life when “stuck” is an understatement, as when the bottom has fallen out of my world. Before I became a Christian my response was to be sad, mad and bad. The first thing to change when I became a Christian was that I was less bad (certainly not perfect). At lest I like to think that there was less taking out my anger and frustration on others. What took a lot longer to change was the obsessive thought patterns (sad and mad). Thoughts about injustices done, feelings of betrayal and the desire to “give them a piece of my mind” would go round and round and round with seemingly no relief. “Overwhelmed” fits the bill for sure, as do the phrases 'unable to function normally' and 'stuck in the treadmill of my thoughts'. The need to get such thoughts out is paramount, but we need to do this carefully if it is not to be destructive.
The notion of catharsis (from the Greek 'cleansing') has been adopted by modern psychotherapy to “describe the act of expressing, or more accurately, experiencing the deep emotions”. The primary thought is about anger, and the patient is told let it all out. There is a certainly a time and a place for doing this, but while “'Blowing off steam' may reduce physiological stress in the short term, but this reduction may act as a reward mechanism, reinforcing the behaviour and promoting future outbursts” (phrases in quotations from Wikipedia). In a relationship where both sides are angry, it can lead to saying and doing things that end up severing of the relationship. I am not one who advocates “no fighting” in a relationship. Conflict avoidance has its own dangers as suppressing disagreement over and over is just as likely to lead to the end of a relationship as is out of control anger. When you push things under the rug, and push things under the rug, you end up with a monster there! No, if a relationship is to be anything more than superficial, we will need to fight, but we need to learn to fight fair, and we need to know when to break off and when to resume. But going to each other when we are overwhelmed or stewing might not be the best idea. As we were saying last day there are times when we may need “time out” from our relationships. But what do we do with the stuff that goes round and round and round in our hearts and minds.
The scriptures tells us that if our brother sins against us, we need to go to him (Matthew 18:15 ff). The intent is bring reconciliation, but there are times when we are just too angry, or that for whatever reason that avenue is blocked. The tendency then (or even before) is to go to some other brother and “let it all out”. There are two potential problems here. The first is that it immediately involves others in our differences. And this can make reconciliation more difficult because your friend or relative may be offended at the person you are mad with. He or she may hold a grudge long after you have forgiven. The second (and related point) is that we will likely not choose someone who is objective, – we will likely want someone to agree with us. But a true friend will speak the truth (in love) even if we do not want to hear it. There is no better friend than the Lord.
David poured out his complaint to the Lord. It was poured out, it was not a trickle. For me there have been times when my complaint was against the Lord Himself. “How could You let such and such a thing happen?” The Lord is big enough to absorb our complaints and anger. He would rather we came to Him pouring it all out, rather than stay away mad at Him. When we come, when as in David's case it was the bad done to him by others, we find comfort and strength and peace and hope and love.
These things work best when we already have an intimate relationship with the Lord. But they can also be the very means of coming into (or deepening) relationship with Him. He has promised that when we turn to Him, He will work even through the evil for our good. Note carefully this is not in spite of the evil, He is clever enough and powerful enough to use the evil itself for our good (Romans 8:28). And part of this is our drawing closer to Him in whose presence there is life (real life). Another part is our growth as we learn to stop fighting the people and circumstances that He has allowed to come into our lives to refine us. We need to trust Him even in these things. We do need to surrender. He has promised that if we trust Him with all of our hears, acknowledging how limited is our own understanding, then He will direct and guide us and in His time straighten out the crooked paths (Proverbs 3:5,6 – various versions).
One of the things we humans seem to be very good at is getting stuck, at least it is if you are anything like me. There have been times in my life when “stuck” is an understatement, as when the bottom has fallen out of my world. Before I became a Christian my response was to be sad, mad and bad. The first thing to change when I became a Christian was that I was less bad (certainly not perfect). At lest I like to think that there was less taking out my anger and frustration on others. What took a lot longer to change was the obsessive thought patterns (sad and mad). Thoughts about injustices done, feelings of betrayal and the desire to “give them a piece of my mind” would go round and round and round with seemingly no relief. “Overwhelmed” fits the bill for sure, as do the phrases 'unable to function normally' and 'stuck in the treadmill of my thoughts'. The need to get such thoughts out is paramount, but we need to do this carefully if it is not to be destructive.
The notion of catharsis (from the Greek 'cleansing') has been adopted by modern psychotherapy to “describe the act of expressing, or more accurately, experiencing the deep emotions”. The primary thought is about anger, and the patient is told let it all out. There is a certainly a time and a place for doing this, but while “'Blowing off steam' may reduce physiological stress in the short term, but this reduction may act as a reward mechanism, reinforcing the behaviour and promoting future outbursts” (phrases in quotations from Wikipedia). In a relationship where both sides are angry, it can lead to saying and doing things that end up severing of the relationship. I am not one who advocates “no fighting” in a relationship. Conflict avoidance has its own dangers as suppressing disagreement over and over is just as likely to lead to the end of a relationship as is out of control anger. When you push things under the rug, and push things under the rug, you end up with a monster there! No, if a relationship is to be anything more than superficial, we will need to fight, but we need to learn to fight fair, and we need to know when to break off and when to resume. But going to each other when we are overwhelmed or stewing might not be the best idea. As we were saying last day there are times when we may need “time out” from our relationships. But what do we do with the stuff that goes round and round and round in our hearts and minds.
The scriptures tells us that if our brother sins against us, we need to go to him (Matthew 18:15 ff). The intent is bring reconciliation, but there are times when we are just too angry, or that for whatever reason that avenue is blocked. The tendency then (or even before) is to go to some other brother and “let it all out”. There are two potential problems here. The first is that it immediately involves others in our differences. And this can make reconciliation more difficult because your friend or relative may be offended at the person you are mad with. He or she may hold a grudge long after you have forgiven. The second (and related point) is that we will likely not choose someone who is objective, – we will likely want someone to agree with us. But a true friend will speak the truth (in love) even if we do not want to hear it. There is no better friend than the Lord.
David poured out his complaint to the Lord. It was poured out, it was not a trickle. For me there have been times when my complaint was against the Lord Himself. “How could You let such and such a thing happen?” The Lord is big enough to absorb our complaints and anger. He would rather we came to Him pouring it all out, rather than stay away mad at Him. When we come, when as in David's case it was the bad done to him by others, we find comfort and strength and peace and hope and love.
These things work best when we already have an intimate relationship with the Lord. But they can also be the very means of coming into (or deepening) relationship with Him. He has promised that when we turn to Him, He will work even through the evil for our good. Note carefully this is not in spite of the evil, He is clever enough and powerful enough to use the evil itself for our good (Romans 8:28). And part of this is our drawing closer to Him in whose presence there is life (real life). Another part is our growth as we learn to stop fighting the people and circumstances that He has allowed to come into our lives to refine us. We need to trust Him even in these things. We do need to surrender. He has promised that if we trust Him with all of our hears, acknowledging how limited is our own understanding, then He will direct and guide us and in His time straighten out the crooked paths (Proverbs 3:5,6 – various versions).
Thursday, August 4, 2011
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing
There are times in life when we need to take time out. The context of the quote of the title of this post from Ecclesiastes 3:5, is that there is a time for all things. In the midst of the battles of life, we too easily finish up reacting to reacting to reacting, and when we do this escalation is the norm. Having a time out can be what councilors call an intervention. It needs to be handled carefully and Biblically.
As we will see below, part of what this means is that it is not intended to be unilateral. Unilateral withdrawals can be nothing less than a continuation of the war. We can use silences to punish, and when we do it consistently it is a form of abuse. I remember one occasion inadvertently getting in on a conversation I had no desire to be a part of. We were looking our the window at this lady's husband pottering in the garden. “He is angry with me today”, she told me, “But tomorrow he will come crawling”. It was not clear to me who had started the silences, but it was clear that this lady knew that all she had to do was to wait, and he would cave – absolute surrender. I could be wrong, but she said it a way that it felt like revenge. As I have said elsewhere, the one who loves the least, has the most power! What I am saying, is that silence can be a weapon, and this can be so hurtful to the one being punished that it can be the thing that provoked the anger in the first place.
There is a teaching of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:5, that is relevant here. Paul is talking about the marriage relationship. He says “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer...” If ever there was a need for prayer, it is when we are at on going loggerheads with each other. Of course the need to devote ourselves to prayer can come when we are walking in harmony too, but this teaching is applicable to both circumstances. There are three important instructions here, that need to be followed. The first is that it needs to be by mutual consent. We need to agree together. Either party can take the initiative of course. If you know yourself well enough to know that if time out is not taken, then you will likely say something that you will later regret, then perhaps you need to take the initiative. The second thing to note is that is it “for a time”. I cannot stress this enough, you need to agree on a length of time. This should not be vague. You can of course agree to extend it (again for a mutually agreed time). If you are following the teaching (if you are fasting) it will not be for too long. So how long do you want to fast? Well how desperate is your situation? Thirdly the verse is telling us what we need to do in our time out. This is just as important as the other two points, it is for prayer and fasting, and I will say more below. This is not the time to launch into a long teaching about fasting, but I do need to say something.
One online dictionary defines fasting as “voluntarily not eating food for varying lengths of time. Fasting is used as a medical therapy for many conditions. It is also a spiritual practice.” Listen to this “Fasting can be used for nearly every chronic condition, including allergies, anxiety ..., depression .... heart disease ....., mental illness...... It is frequently prescribed as a detoxification treatment ......”
I have said elsewhere that the Lord designed the physical to be parables of the spiritual. So does the phrase “chronic condition” apply to your relationship? If it does there is going to be a need for spiritual detoxification, and the vehicle the Lord is offering is a mixture of the physical (fasting) and the spiritual (prayer).
Most people can fast for forty days without food and without danger (Luke 4:2 – remember Luke was a Physician), but this length of time should probably not be for those who are fasting for the first time. Remember it has to be by mutual agreement. How much time out do you both think you need? Will you need to do this a number of times? There is likely no quick fix for your problem! So that is the fasting part. What about prayer? We need to think of prayer in this context as much more than a grocery list of things we want to happen. In particular to prayer Biblically is to connect with God in intimacy and to allow Him into our lives and into our problems. He is the solution to every need, and He will solve our problems as we surrender to Him and His ways.
This series of posts is all about coming to the foot of the cross and staying there. In the light of this what are we talking about when we use the phrase “spiritual detoxification”? Well it is certainly going to include things like dealing with and getting rid of anger and revenge and forgiveness, self righteousness and pride and stubbornness and blame and hardness of heart. But we also need to “eat healthy”, so it also involves putting on “tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful” (Colossians 3:12-15). Remember, in many things we all fail (James 3:2). But at the foot of the cross there is “Mercy and Grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). And here we see that “there is not difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The cross is a great leveller, and as we allow Him to fill us full of Himself (and the things mentioned above) there is healing and the desire to be reconciled. The point is as we realize how we fail Him over and over, and as we see His ongoing mercy extended to us, we want to extent that same mercy to others.
One last word for today. When we are at loggerheads with each other, we are likely to have out of control emotions. There is a Biblical way to deal with them, and this will form the content of next day's post. The gist of is however is that with David, we need to “Pour out our complaint to the Lord” (Psalm 142:2). More to come.
As we will see below, part of what this means is that it is not intended to be unilateral. Unilateral withdrawals can be nothing less than a continuation of the war. We can use silences to punish, and when we do it consistently it is a form of abuse. I remember one occasion inadvertently getting in on a conversation I had no desire to be a part of. We were looking our the window at this lady's husband pottering in the garden. “He is angry with me today”, she told me, “But tomorrow he will come crawling”. It was not clear to me who had started the silences, but it was clear that this lady knew that all she had to do was to wait, and he would cave – absolute surrender. I could be wrong, but she said it a way that it felt like revenge. As I have said elsewhere, the one who loves the least, has the most power! What I am saying, is that silence can be a weapon, and this can be so hurtful to the one being punished that it can be the thing that provoked the anger in the first place.
There is a teaching of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:5, that is relevant here. Paul is talking about the marriage relationship. He says “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer...” If ever there was a need for prayer, it is when we are at on going loggerheads with each other. Of course the need to devote ourselves to prayer can come when we are walking in harmony too, but this teaching is applicable to both circumstances. There are three important instructions here, that need to be followed. The first is that it needs to be by mutual consent. We need to agree together. Either party can take the initiative of course. If you know yourself well enough to know that if time out is not taken, then you will likely say something that you will later regret, then perhaps you need to take the initiative. The second thing to note is that is it “for a time”. I cannot stress this enough, you need to agree on a length of time. This should not be vague. You can of course agree to extend it (again for a mutually agreed time). If you are following the teaching (if you are fasting) it will not be for too long. So how long do you want to fast? Well how desperate is your situation? Thirdly the verse is telling us what we need to do in our time out. This is just as important as the other two points, it is for prayer and fasting, and I will say more below. This is not the time to launch into a long teaching about fasting, but I do need to say something.
One online dictionary defines fasting as “voluntarily not eating food for varying lengths of time. Fasting is used as a medical therapy for many conditions. It is also a spiritual practice.” Listen to this “Fasting can be used for nearly every chronic condition, including allergies, anxiety ..., depression .... heart disease ....., mental illness...... It is frequently prescribed as a detoxification treatment ......”
I have said elsewhere that the Lord designed the physical to be parables of the spiritual. So does the phrase “chronic condition” apply to your relationship? If it does there is going to be a need for spiritual detoxification, and the vehicle the Lord is offering is a mixture of the physical (fasting) and the spiritual (prayer).
Most people can fast for forty days without food and without danger (Luke 4:2 – remember Luke was a Physician), but this length of time should probably not be for those who are fasting for the first time. Remember it has to be by mutual agreement. How much time out do you both think you need? Will you need to do this a number of times? There is likely no quick fix for your problem! So that is the fasting part. What about prayer? We need to think of prayer in this context as much more than a grocery list of things we want to happen. In particular to prayer Biblically is to connect with God in intimacy and to allow Him into our lives and into our problems. He is the solution to every need, and He will solve our problems as we surrender to Him and His ways.
This series of posts is all about coming to the foot of the cross and staying there. In the light of this what are we talking about when we use the phrase “spiritual detoxification”? Well it is certainly going to include things like dealing with and getting rid of anger and revenge and forgiveness, self righteousness and pride and stubbornness and blame and hardness of heart. But we also need to “eat healthy”, so it also involves putting on “tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful” (Colossians 3:12-15). Remember, in many things we all fail (James 3:2). But at the foot of the cross there is “Mercy and Grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). And here we see that “there is not difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The cross is a great leveller, and as we allow Him to fill us full of Himself (and the things mentioned above) there is healing and the desire to be reconciled. The point is as we realize how we fail Him over and over, and as we see His ongoing mercy extended to us, we want to extent that same mercy to others.
One last word for today. When we are at loggerheads with each other, we are likely to have out of control emotions. There is a Biblical way to deal with them, and this will form the content of next day's post. The gist of is however is that with David, we need to “Pour out our complaint to the Lord” (Psalm 142:2). More to come.
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