I want to do what I want to do, but not the consequences please!

“Dear Lord please change reality so that the things that I want to do, do not have the consequences they do. Please take away my pain without my having to deal with my issues, please let me be able to get drunk without doing anything too foolish, and without a hangover. Please let me be mean to others and they loving to me. Please change the school of hard knocks to the school of soft strokes. Amen.

P.S. On second thoughts Lord, perhaps you should leave things as they are - not sure I would have learned anything!”

It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees

This reaction of the Psalmist, to see the good in his suffering, was not my immediate reaction to the pain of my messed up life. Like most people I cried out “Why me,” and looked for someone else to blame. The ones closest at hand, not being perfect, supplied sufficient ammunition for me to easily rationalize my own innocence.

But when we cry out “Why me,” we are likely crying out to God, same as when, in the rude awakenings of life, the words “Oh my God” escape from our lips. In lesser times it is likely swearing, but not in the really hard times. At least it was this way for me. When the pain got deep enough and lasted long enough, I came to the place I was desperate enough to cry out “God if you are there please help me!” When we really mean it, He shows Himself. He did for me, and He promises to do that for anyone who will search for Him with all of their heart. Note the searching is to be with all of the heart, not with all of the the mind. When we do this we find Him, not because we we are clever, in fact our cleverness coupled with our pride can be a real hinderance. No we find Him when we search with all of our hearts, because He, in His Mercy, shows Himself.

This is the testimony of how I found Him. But really He was searching for me. He used the pain of my own and other's choices to bring me to the place where I was willing to change whatever I needed to change in order to find peace, hope and joy. In doing this I found Him, the source of all these things. I am not talking about finding religion, I am not talking about a set of lifeless and unmotivated rules imposed from above, I am talking about finding a loving relationship with the creator that only He could make possible. A relationship between a prideful, selfish, self centred individual such as me, with a Holy righteous and loving God. It was of course the cross that made the reconciliation possible.

Now many years later in the quiet time I spend with Him every day, I came across the title of this post in the Psalms. It stood out to me, because it now makes perfect sense. I am of course sorry for all the hurt I caused others with my stubborn selfishness. Nevertheless I am now grateful for the affliction that came upon me as consequences of my own and others choices. I am grateful, because it lead me to start to know (I have not yet arrived) the safety and the wisdom of His Decrees, and the peace and joy of fellowship with Him, whom to know is the essence of life itself.

Quiet desperation and unwilling/unable to change

There is a recovery saying that goes like this “We will not change until the pain of being stuck becomes greater than the pain and fear of change.” The saying came up at a recent Celebrate Recovery meeting (a Biblical 12 step program – I joined recently). We were discovering how very much alike we all are, even though we may struggle with different things. In particular we discovered how resistant to change we all are!

Some see Psychology and faith as incompatible, but my observations is that where Psychology works, it either reflects or illuminates Biblical principles. In this particular case, it illustrates/illuminates the principle that we reap what we sow (there are consequences and/or benefits to what we do). Of course on the negative side, we are affected by the bad things others do to us, but we are also messed up by the things we do, and even by the wrong responses to the wrong done.

A lot of us are in denial -about this, and the first of the 12 steps is to come out of denial. Interesting teaching here in the acrostic D-E-N-A-I-L. Firstly denial Disables our feelings since it also involves suppressing our emotions. Then is saps our Energy, it Negates our growth, it Isolates us from God, it Alienates us from our significant relationships, and finally it Lengthens the pain.

Certainly, coming out of denial and dealing with the issues is also painful, but in my experience the short term pain leads to long term gain. And the advantage of the Biblical approach, is that it points you to the true source of power plus the desire to do what needs to be done. In particular, when we fully cooperate with God – He actively works to change wrong desires and to give us the wherewithal to do what needs to be done, or to stop doing what is destructive (this is Philippians 2:12,13). It starts with trusting the One who is utterly trustworthy, then continuing in His Word. Then we will be progressively both willing and able to come into the true freedom He provides. He did this, and is doing it for me (not arrived yet though, so please be patient with me!).

Does God grade on the curve?

I heard the siren and pulled over. - “You were speeding sir”. - 'Yes'. - “What?” - 'Yes I was speeding'. - “Go on, get out of here”. Apparently the officer was not used to people owning up! When I got back in the car, I told my buddy “That is what I want when I die”. 'What?' he asked. “Mercy, not justice!”

Many people say that they expect God to weigh their good deeds with the bad, that is to grade on the curve. Quite apart form the fact that God probably expects a good deal more than this, it doesn't really make any sense. Suppose I had tried to argue with the officer – but officer there have been hundreds of days that I was not speeding, and I help little old ladies across the road whenever I see them (even if they don't need my help :) ). Do you think it would work? Seriously now? So why do we expect this to work with God?

One of the problems I find in my own life is that I do not even live up to my own expectations, and surely to know to do good and not to do it is also wrong. Jesus tells that when we see the hungry (on TV or not) and do not feed them, He deals with this the same as us seeing Him hungry and not feeding Him. The Scripture tells us that in many things we all fail. The closer I get to God the more I am aware of this. But though I am not complete, I am accepted, and it's all by His Grace and Mercy. Grace is not getting what you deserve (especially for the bad). And it was made possible by the substitutionary death of Christ on the cross. Justice, in the other hand is about getting what we do deserve (for both the good and bad!). What do you want when you die Mercy and Grace, or Justice. Mercy and Grace are a gift, but we do need to receive them.