Truth (I): Never arriving vs. thinking we have arrived

I have often been asked as a mathematician who does research “Hasn’t it all been invented already? But as was predicted centuries ago, mathematics like any branch of knowledge, is expanding exponentially in these last days (Daniel 12:4). And speaking about  I want to look at two scriptures this morning that are best  understood together. The first speaks about those who are “always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:7). The second is “if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know” ( 1 Corinthians 8:2). There is much to say about truth, but for the Christian,  truth is the Word of God,  the Bible (John 17:17), and Jesus is Truth in the flesh (John 14:6). So the first of the two verses is talking about never coming to know Jesus, but also never coming to know Biblical truth. As I say there is much that can be said.

But what is this about arriving or never arriving at a knowledge of the truth? In one sense it is easy to explain. I mean we can have all kinds of intellectual knowledge but never have experiential relational knowledge of Jesus. But what about arriving or not arriving at Biblical truth? It is interesting to me to observe that in teaching comparative religion at the University, many seem to miss the central purpose of the Judaeo-Christian Scriptures which is to teach the gospel, the way to the salvation our souls (John 20:31; 1 Peter 1:9). And part of this, is that we are in intended to know that our election is sure (2 Peter 1:10; 1 John 5:13). If we do not arrive at a knowledge of the truth in these areas, we will not know, with our brother Jesus, that we are God’s beloved sons and daughters, we will likely operate out of an orphan spirit (Hebrews 2:11; Mark 1:11; 1 John 3:1; Romans 8:15), and we will not know our authority in Christ (see 10, 11 April, and 12 June posts).

Coming to the second scripture and the introduction to this post, while we do need to have arrived at the basics, we need to be aware as with the Corinthian reference, that we have not arrived period.  Paul tells us that “Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies” (verse 1). The picture I have of this,  is of being as proud as a peacock. He is talking about the need for humility. I myself no long feel the need to correct everyone on every issue. Also,  in traveling far and wide to see and experience what God is doing in the world,  I have often felt like a little boy on the seashore of the vast ocean of infinite knowledge. But again it’s not all about intellectual knowledge. We are intended to experience truth, and  it is clear to me that however much we learn in all the ways that we know (see 17 January post), there is always more!

Father, thank You for  the balance of the statements of faith of para church ministries such as Inter-Varsity and OMF.  Such statements are fashioned through the furnace in inter-denominational dialogue,  and  help us to understand what are the non-negotiable essentials that form the basis of the unity in diversity to which You call us. Give us wisdom and humility Lord, and let Your kingdom come on Earth in these areas in Jesus Name Amen

A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (IV) Denominationalism

A small group of us had lead a young couple to the Lord. Some time later they wandered into a certain church in the city,  where they were told to “come out from among them (namely us) and be separate" (2 Corinthians 6:17).  I only wish I had told them first to come out from that church and be separate from them! I am joking of course. The verse was being taken totally out of context which is about not being yoked together with unbelievers (verse 14). This of course speaks of not being in partnership, marriage etc. with unbelievers. It is not talking about separation of believers from believers. This church was operating out of a spirit of denominationalism.

By denominationalism, I am talking about the emphasizing of denominational differences to the point of being narrowly exclusive. The church in question knew nothing about us. They knew only that we were not part of their fellowship, and that apparently was enough. I need to quickely distinguish between denominationalism and simply belonging to a denomination. It's the attitude and the narrowness that's the problem. Actually you can belong to a non-denominational church and still be into denominationalism. In fact I attended such a church for a while  before I saw it. Some (not all) of the leadership condemned all denominations. They used “each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” …. (1 Corinthians 1:12), interpreting this to mean “thou shalt not take a name for your church or denomination.” But they totally missed the spirit of what Paul was saying.  He was speaking against the contentious use of  the taking of a name (verse 11). And in missing this, they were (at least some of them) becoming contentious in promoting  (and feeling self righteous about)  their “no-name” product (denomination).

Please note, that I am not saying that truth is not important. But I have the sense that the Lord is grieved when we over-emphasize denominational distinctives using them as a reason to "refrain from embracing." It's much wider than the church of course,   and is part of any “ism” (i.e absolutism, Marxism etc.).  One of the characteristics, is the pressure to conform. We see this  in  politics when you cannot even belong to the party if you don't adhere to certain dogmas of policy, and/or morality. Unfortunately we also see it in the church.  It stifles discussion,  facilitates an “us and them” mentality, and  confuses unity with uniformity.  It  disallows questions and discourages thinking (loving God with all our mind). In fact it leaves the sheep defenseless and open to being deceived “with persuasive words” (Colossians 2:4). I have witnessed  this over and over at the University where “arguments that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God” (2 Corinthians 10:5) are presented as truth by highly articulate and confident sounding professors.  But what is the alternative to camping around precise doctrinal positions? Well, while certainly not neglecting truth, we might want to camp around mothers and fathers in relationship, in Christ. More to come!

Father, nobody is saying that it's easy to hold walking in the truth, and walking in love in tension. You tell us as much as possible to live at peace with all. We are to contend for the faith, but not to do it in a contentious way (Jude 3; 1 Corinthians 1:11). We need Your help here Lord, and so I ask for it again this morning, in Jesus Name Amen

A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (III) Remarriage

In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 we read that under certain circumstances in marriages where one spouse it a believer, divorce and  remarriage are permitted.  Paul is careful to say first,  that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer, and that the children are holy. And so if the unbeliever is content to stay, there should be no divorce (verse 13). However, if the unbeliever wants to leave, the believer is “not bound” (verse 15). The reference is clearly about not being bound by the marriage covenant. Though disputed, it seems clear to me that what Paul is saying, is that if the unbeliever breaks the covenant by leaving, the covenant is broken, and the believing brother or sister is free to remarry. To me this passage demolishes many of the arguments of those who would take an overly strict interpretation of other passages in the Scripture on divorce.

It is interesting that the word translated here as “unbeliever,” is translated as “unfaithful” in Luke 12:46 and as “faithless” in Revelation 21:8. Clearly one who commits adultery is unfaithful and this too is an exception to “no divorce” (Matthew 19:9). But the point I am making is that Paul is showing that there is more to be said on the issue than in the Matthew reference and its parallels. I want to make two further points here. The first, is that the teachings in both  Corinthians and Matthew,  have to do with permission, it's about it being the lesser  of two evils. The permissions clearly circumvents God's best,  because “from the the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8).  These things also point to the fact that black and white thinking here is inappropriate.  Life is complicated because of free will, because it involves sin and its consequences, and because in some  circumstances there is no perfect solution.  You cannot unscramble eggs,  and because of these things, forgiveness and reconciliation which is always God’s best is not always possible. 

In particular, within the Matthew passage is the recognition that broken trust and the sense of betrayal can wounds so deeply,  that rebuilding these things is impossible. And so God in His mercy, permits divorce. I am quoting the so called exception clause in verse 9. Saying more about permission, we learn   that Moses gave permission for divorce, but only “because of the harness of your hearts” (verse 8). I want to make it clear that in speaking about hardness of heart, I am not wanting to include those who are simply unable to trust again when these things are broken by betrayal. To me this has more to do with woundedness than hardness of heart. The second point I want to make is though we as Christians are given a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), there is still much hardness of heart on the go within our lukewarm Western Christianity. And What I am asking us to consider, is if hardness of heart should be considered as unbelieving, faithless, or unfaithful, and therefor conclude that there are other circumstances in which a brother or sister is not bound. And if so,  should  decisions about such things be not left to  church leaders? 

Father, it seems to me far too often your people have seen these issues as back and white and accordingly have judged complex situations harshly. In such situations I have to wonder exactly who has a hard heart! Lord please give us wisdom and help us to hold truth, compassion and love in balance in Jesus Name Amen

A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (II) Separation

I regard the timing of a recently reconciled couple sitting in the fellowship last night for the first time,  as no coincidence. The passage that was on my heart is Paul’s instructions to the married “A wife is not to separate from her husband. But even if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11). What had happened to this couple, is that the wife and come to the end of her rope with her drug addict husband. And so with good reason she left him. This was the very thing her husband needed, it was his bottom, and he became willing and determined to change. In His sovereignty the Lord connecting him with Christians, and he got saved and gloriously delivered from his addiction. The wife subsequently also got saved. And there they were,  sitting happily in the fellowship holding hands, and beaming with the peace and joy of the Lord. Hallelujah!

I was talking yesterday about the sanctity of marriage, and how we give up far too easily. The point is, that separation should not be undertaken lightly. Nor should withdrawal and punishing silences be used to control, this is nothing but manipulation. But as I said above, in this case the wife and every reason to get out.  And there are certainly circumstances in which I would counsel one or the other of a married couple to pull back. And I think that this is what lies behind this statement from Ecclesiastes 3:5 telling us that there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.  I do not however, think that this should be undertaken without a lot of serious consideration, and godly counsel. But the Scripture, while upholding the sanctity of marriage, does indicate with these passages,  that there are circumstances in which it is likely unavoidable.

I  will want to deal with the situation where one is a believer and the other an unbeliever next day. But this morning I want to emphasize two things from this passage. Firstly then “let her remain unmarried or be reconciled,” and secondly a “husband is not to divorce his wife.” It seems to me, that the Lord is once more showing us that His primary desire is for reconciliation, and that His very best is that any period of separation would lead to the place where once again it is “a time to embrace.” At the risk of being overly repetitive, I want to say again that we give up far too easily. Having said that, there are many questions that this passage raises, but does not answer. What if the husband does divorce the wife, is she then free to remarry? And is this instruction intended to be obeyed for life, or is it better to burn than to eventually divorce and remarry (1 Corinthians 7:9)?

Father, it’s very easy, when we are not personally faced with the situation, to make pronouncements about what should or should not happen. In particular when we see things in terms of black-and-white, it is very easy to operate without compassion or love. I myself have been deeply hurt by the attitude of some! As always Lord on both sides of the equation, we need to be kind and compassionate one to another,  forgiving one another just as you gave us in Christ. So help us Lord,  and I will give you praise and honour and glory in Jesus Name Amen

A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (I) The sanctity of marriage

I am not among those who think it's never right for a couple to re-marry if one or both are divorced.  Forty or so years ago this position was strongly held in many churches. And unfortunately it often lead to divorced people being treated like second class citizens, essentially rejecting those already deeply wounded by rejection. Such behaviour is inconsistent with the gospel. I do think however, that we have gone too far the other way, and that we give up on marriage far too easily. This aught not to be, especially in the church. As I have said before, I believe marriage is one of God’s primary tools to chisel us into His image. And when we shortcut that process by divorce, leaving the often unacknowledged issues that prompted it undealt with, we carry those very same issues into the next relationship.

Children of divorce suffer every bit as much as the parents. Research has shown that the norm is life long trauma for adult children of emotional and actual divorce. This is one more example of the sins of the fathers being visited on the children (Exodus 20:5). In particular, divorce rates among children of divorce are higher than among the general population. And these rates have been accelerating since the introduction of “no fault” divorce. Statistics show divorce rates in the church are no different from those in the world. This also aught not to be. And part of this, is that the Church is not doing its job either in its teaching, or in its intended role as advocates and mediator between hurting couples in the Church.

Part of this, is that we have failed to understand the times and the seasons and accordingly, we do not know what to do (1 Chronicles 12:32). With respect to the subject at hand, marriage and the family have been under attack over at least the last fifty years. But when the enemy comes in like a flood the Lord raises a standard against him (Isaiah 59:19). And part of this is secular. I have been fascinated by the connections between Biblical principle and secular research. It’s not always correct, because some of the secular research is based on unBiblical presuppositions. It is my observation however, that when something works, it always has Biblical warrant. But the resources that make the most sense is the Christ based recovery principles in the various ministries God is raising up everywhere. And the church needs to wake up, and embrace this vital aspect of sanctification. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and set the prisoners free (Luke 4:18), and these are some of the tools He is providing so we can do our part. It can't just be the pastor who ministers, it takes a “village” to come along side the hurting, and we need the Lord to raise up mothers and fathers to do this.

Father, thank You for the many resources, tools and keys that You are raising up in this season, to enable individuals and communities to come back to the place where the world will be provoked by the quality of our marriages and fellowship. This morning's verse from Ecclesiastes 3:5 hints that it is not always possible to live at peace with each other (Romans 12:18). But since Your best is always for unity and reconciliation, separation needs to be a last resort. Bring us Father in gentleness, humility and mutual submission, to the foot of the cross, and there heal our divisions Lord, in Jesus Name Amen

No one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says “The old is better”

There is a recovery saying that we will not change until the pain of being stuck becomes greater than the fear of change. It is not an absolute truth, but many times it is true. In particular there is comfort in the familiarity of the old wine, of our hurst, habits and hangups. And there is always some positive pay off. For example if we are in the grip an addiction, and in denial of the damage it's doing, we can avoid dealing with life by escaping into our habit. And it's not just substance abuse. The wife of an alcoholic can gain kudos from her friends “You are amazing, I couldn’t do that!” In this way we don’t immediately desire the freedom we can gain by coming out of denial and dealing with the issues. Better the devil you know! And things may need to get very much worse, before we are willing to take the necessary action, and/or face our problems without medicating them. And it's actually good news that the problems feel worse in the morning. It can leads us into recovery., and in fact  He designed it that way. 

In recovery circles there is a lot of talk about reaching your bottom. This is the place where things get so bad, that we become willing, desperate enough, to try anything (we will not change until …). My first bottom was actually a series of ever deeper bottoms, as the rug was taken out from under my feet multiple times. It lead to my conversion. I was desperate enough to try God. He would never have held me had He not been real. But of course He is. But we don’t have to get desperate to enter into recovery. Some come to recovery circles because they want to help “those people,” only to discover as they embrace the teachings, that they are one of them! It seems to me that we all are, and that if we don’t know it, we are in denial. I had to come to a very different bottom before I could see that I am one of those people!

In the process of moving from the place where we don’t immediately desire the new, to the place where we do, is, well, it’s a process! And it will likely involve our being double minded for a while. I was! I remember wanting a certain addiction, but not wanting to want it. As I persisted it changed to not wanting it, but wanting to want its comfort! However let not a double minded man think he will receive anything from the Lord (James 1;6). The good news though, is that when we fully make up our minds  to give it everything we are and have (half measures profited us nothing), then the Lord works both in our desires changing them to desire the new, and in giving us the grace to do what without Him can seem impossible (Philippians 2:12,12).

Father, the first step in twelve-step programs is to come out of denial, and it seems to me that we are all in denial about something. I mean there is so much that needs to be dealt with even,  if we don't see it. At some level denial is a necessary defense mechanism. But Lord I am asking this morning that You open our eyes to see what You are in this moment waning to deal with, and then please change our desires and give us the grace to change in Jesus Name Amen

Fear not, for I am with you;

There are a number of recent posts that are coming together in my mind this morning. We have been talking about not knowing what we do not know, about the fact that everything hidden will be revealed, and about the way we operate with each other using guilt, shame and manipulation. And these, and in fact many other “games” that we play with each other, are there to prevent what is hidden coming to light. And whether you are the one seeking to keep things hidden, or are being called (for the sake of unity) to deal with the hidden things in close relationships, there is one thing that is likely to raise its ugly head, and that is fear. On the one hand, there is the fear of our shame being exposed (it any one ever found out …). On the other hand, there is fear of the very real possibility of retaliation if we try to deal with the issues. 


And in neither case is the fear without ground. When we have been judged, rejected and/or condemned by others (and at some level we all have all tasted this), then the memory of how painful it was, will likely feed the fear. On the other hand, we may already have experienced the negative consequences of trying to deal with these issues, or even with the fact that there are issues (what elephant?). When we do this we are often breaking unspoken, but nevertheless strongly held, rules that may have been in place for generations. And because of the hiddeness, we may also be confused as to why we are afraid. On the other hand we may know the consequences all too well, the anger, or the punishing silences, or the loss of what little relationship we do have. And this awareness also feeds the fear. But into this we read “Fear not, for I am with you” (Isaiah 41:10). In particular we do not need to fear, because He is with us in whatever we need to go through, or endure or do. And His perfect love and presence casts out all fear. He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

Isiah 41:10 continues with “Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” He is not promising that there will be no consequences. He is telling us that there is no need to be distressed about it, because when we chose to face the fear and do it, or face the fear by trusting in Him for the outcome, He will help us and strengthen us and give us the wherewithal to stand (1 Corinthians 10:13). On both sides of this equation the fear is basically fear of man. But “Why do you fear man that shall die” (Isaiah 51:12)? If we are going to fear, let us fear that we should miss out on allowing Him to use these things to bring us and our loved ones, into life in all its fulness (John 10:10b).




Father, we all need courage here, courage to hear the truth, and courage to speak the truth in love. And so Lord I am asking for myself and all reading this post, that You help us to put fear aside and to be strong and courageous. Teach us Lord to be kind and compassionate to each other forgiving one another in the midst of this iron sharpening iron process in Jesus Name Amen

Guilt trips, manipulation and control

The last two posts “We don’t know what we don’t know!” and “There is nothing hidden which will not be revealed,” leads to the question “How on earth are we to deal with these things?” There is no easy answer. We have likely been operating in our ways, for a very long time and, at least at some level, are likely not fully conscious of it. It’s like when we are good at doing something, we operate on autopilot as we sometimes do driving a car. I mean you automatically obey the lights, and, at least with me, there are times when I wonder “was the light green?” It was, it’s just that I have been doing this for so long, the neural pathways in the brain automatically take over. It’s like this in the way we operate in relationships. And a lot of it's not good!

I don’t suggest you do this, but one time I accused a woman of being manipulative. She got angry, and I don’t think she meant to let the cat out of the bag, but she told me “I won't allow that at home, and I won’t allow it with you.” Now not allowing things can be legitimate, we should not allow people to be disrespectful. In this instance, and you will have to trust me on this, manipulation was a habit with her, and it seems she got away with it at home by using her anger to disallow it. “It costs to challenge mum.” We need to be respectful and afford dignity in our dealing with others, and in that I was at fault. The interesting thing  about manipulation though, is that when somebody is habitually manipulative, they often accuse others of being manipulative when resisted. It's called projection.

So was this me when I accused this lady of manipulation? Good question. But let’s see how I might have handled it differently. I could have said “You know when you do, or say such and such, I feel manipulated.” ‘Well I am not manipulating you!’ “I didn’t say you were, I said I feel manipulated, so can we try and approach this in a different way. You clearly want something, and well perhaps we can negotiate it?” Or perhaps it’s a guilt trip “You know how lonely I am, and how much I appreciate spending time with you!” In the end it may be a reasonable request, but it also may be making unreasonable and unrealistic demands. Which is it? We should take it to the Lord of course, but one of the questions we can ask ourselves, is “Am I resenting this, have I gone the second mile, and am being asked to go the tenth?” People will always make demands on us, and we cannot please everybody. And what this may be revealing, is a need to learn about boundaries (when to say yes, and when to say no), and how to put them in practice. There are many helpful resources to help us with this.

Father, when we start to learn both what we do, what we have allowed and how we may even have trained others to deal with us in these way, it is very easy to get angry. And as one author put it, we might not be so nice to be around for a while. So please Lord give us grace, help us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as You forgave us (Ephesians 4:32) in Jesus Name Amen

There is nothing hidden which will not be revealed

The following is an observation by  author John Bradshaw “In a relationship when one is open, and the other covered, both parties finish up violating the other.” I came across this at a critical time in my journey, and it helped me to understand some things I really needed to understand in order to move forward. I knew well,  about violation from the point of view of one who is open. In particular, some of the things I had confessed to others (James 5:16), had come came back to me as judgement and condemnation. And yes I felt violated. What I didn't understand, was how it worked the other way. Suppose for example, that for whatever reason, you are covered in shame. You might tell yourself “If anyone ever found out, I would die.” And what happens then, is when someone comes to you in openness and vulnerability it feels to you almost as if as if they are exposing themselves in public. And, especially if they are close, you feel the shame you would feel were your secrets to be suddenly revealed without your permission. You would feel violated!

When Adam and Eve sinned they covered themselves with fig leaves and hid from the presence of the Lord (Genesis 3:7, 8). Slim hope they could hid from God! The fig leaves too were inadequate, but they desperately needed something to cover their guilt and shame. And when they clothed themselves with fig leaves, they were essentially trying to hide from each other, and from themselves. Last day we were talking about our attempt to hide from ourselves, suppressing the truth in unrighteousness. This morning’s verse from Mark 4:22 continues with “nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light. ” It is talking about the ultimate futility of trying to hid either from God or from each other. In particular, though we may be able to delay the revelation of our secrets, they will not be hidden forever!

On top of this, we have a saying in the Christ centred twelve-step recovery group “Celebrate Recovery” that is relevant here. It is “you are only as sick as your secrets!” It seems to be true, and in particular when we are covered, we are not free. Also,  even if we can by some means delay the exposure of our secrets, if we leave it until the last day, we will have no control over how they come out. In the here and now we do! In particular, we can move towards obeying the, by now familiar, command to “Confess you faults one to another, and pray for one another that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Note that we confess to God to be forgiven, but healing only comes as we   confess to each other.  We need to start by finding a safe place, and it can be a challenge. We may need to make it a subject of prayer asking Him to help us find such a place.

Father, this is kingdom work. In fact, one picture we have of the Kingdom is Adam and Eve in the garden before the fall. They were naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:25). This nakedness is not so much about no cloths, but rather about openness, vulnerably, love, respect, dignity and intimacy. And so Lord we pray this morning, kingdom of God come, will of God be done on earth in our relationships, as it is in heaven. And help us to have the courage to do our part, in Jesus Name Amen

We don’t know what we don’t know!

Have you ever wondered why people get angry when you tell them the truth,  even when it's spoken in love? Jesus told the disciples “I have many things to tell you, but you are not yet able to bear them” (John 16:12). The point is, that the truth is sometimes very hard to hear! Part of this, is that too often it's accompanied by condemnation. Of course when we are in Christ, the Lord will not condemn us (Romans 8:1), but that’s not the case with the world! And if we have not yet learned to care more about what the Lord thinks about us, than what the world thinks, that will likely be very painful. Also, if we don’t fully embrace that there is no condemnation in Christ, or if we don’t even know it, then like Adam and Eve we will ultimately hide. And part of what we hide, is the truth. And if we hide from the truth, it is not able to do its job, which is to set us free (John 8:31, 32).

The Scripture talks about how we suppress the truth in unrighteousness (Romans 1:18). When we do this, and I believe to some extent we all do it, we are in denial about truth. And when we are in denial, we don’t know what we don’t know! I suspect, that part of why we suppress truth, is that if we embrace it, it opens up a whole can of worms, and/or if we fully embrace it, then we are going to need to do something about it. Such thoughts can be overwhelming! I mean it's painful, and we probably have absolutely no idea how to fix what needs to be fixed! So we continue in our denial, not knowing what we don’t know. Into all of this, I thank God both for the gentle and persistent conviction of the Holy Spirit, for the the spiritual law that we reap what we sow, and for the Lord's discipline (John 16:8; Galatians 6:7; Hebrews 12:6).

Since God is a persistent teacher, He will teach us one way or the other. And if we are not willing to learn by the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit, we will eventually learn what the Lord wants us to learn either from the school of hard knocks (reaping what we sow), or from His discipline. It is interesting to me to note that the Scripture about the conviction of the Holy Spirit, is in the same context as not being able to bear what He needs to say.  We are told that if anyone is overtaken in a fault, you who are spiritual should restore such a one (Galatians 6:1). But I would far rather hear it from God, than from men. In particular, when we learn to walk by the Spirit, His conviction is a far gentler way to receive truth than from others, or discipline,  or the school of hard knocks. Conviction is very different from condemnation, in fact conviction is an invitation to draw closer to Him, and to enter into life in all its fullness (John 10:10b).

Father, I want to thank You this morning for Your promise, that if we continue in Your Word, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free. And so I ask Lord, that You will give us grace to receive the truth we need to hear, and the courage to speak truth in love when You prompt us to, in Jesus Name Amen

That they may be one as We are One (V) Unity not uniformity

Discord in music is defined to be lack of harmony between notes sounding together at the same time. Discord is jarring, and can evoke all kinds of negative emotion. Harmony, on the other hand,  is the combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes,  producing chords that are pleasing to the ear. In appropriate progression (i.e. symphony),  it can evoke all manner of positive emotions. I believe all this is a metaphor for relationships that please the Lord.  And just as a symphony cannot be produced and performed without skill and discipline, neither can lasting harmony in relationships be achieved or maintained without these things.

In our culture we hear over and over,  about these pesky irreconcilable differences that are said to be responsible for the break up of this,  or that marriage.  But you can’t have harmony without differences! And over and over I have seen in marriages,  in the world,  and in the church,  an  incredible pressure to conform.  As I said before too often it is "my way or the highway."  But even if we were to succeed in making others like us,  or making them do things our way,  all we would produce is a colourless one note samba.  Jesus prayer is “that they would be one as They are One (John 17:11) So how exactly are  They One? They are  Trinity, unity in diversity, not unity in uniformly, as in being all exactly the same. And within this for of oneness,   diversity is appreciated and  celebrated and, as we see by  Jesus’ prayer, promoted. Jesus prayer therefore intends that our onness be a deep, rich and harmonious symphony both in our attitudes and in the way we treat and deal with each other.

In an orchestra if the trumpet player insists on doing his own thing,  and the violinist hers, symphony will not be achieved. And the very first thing (but not the only thing) that needs to happen,  is that there needs to be submission to each other,  and to the conductor (Ephesians 5:21; James 4:7). This submission is not intended to be a mechanical soulless submission.  There are musicians who are technically perfect, but their music touches neither the emotions nor the spirit.  And there is a spirit about these things. What is needed in addition to the discipline, is that we value our differences, and  honour  and appreciate  one another,  preferring one another in love  (Romans 12:10). This is particulary important in a worship team, or it will be singing songs not worship! In fact in its essence it's all about loving God with all our heart mind soul and strength, and our neighbour as ourselves (Mark 12:31,31). In such an atmosphere all the fruit of the Spirit is produced, and of course against such there is no law (Galatians 5:22, 23). Such relationships bring honour and glory to the One who loved us and gave Himself for us. 

Lord Jesus, I want to thank You again this morning for Your incredible example of humility and self sacrifice. It sounds like bondage to the world, but in fact it is freedom. There was no-one freer than You, and You are the living embodiment of all that we are saying here today. But as always we need Your help, and so I come to You again this morning asking for me and for all those reading these things, that You help us do our part in being transformed from one degree of glory to another. And I pray these things in Your gloriously and lovely Name Amen

That they may be one as We are One (IV) Shalom

Shalom is a Hebrew word often translated peace.  This peace is much more than the absence of war, and/or of hostilities, though it includes that. It also includes the idea of completeness, health,  prosperity,   quiet, tranquility and contentment. It is also used as a greeting and thus a blessing. To wish you shalom is to wish you all of the above.  I was talking to a couple last night who have been married over seventy years. She is having trouble seeing and he hearing, and she jokingly said that together they make up a single person. It struck me that it is a parable of what the Lord prayed for when He prayed to that Father that we may be one (John 17:11).  I am talking about a unity where the differences complement each other, rather than allowing the differences to divide us.

I am sensing in this couple something close to, or at least moving towards shalom,  as they spend all day every day together,  and use their time with the Lord and  in prayer. I didn’t always sense this in their relationship, but then they were not always seeking to follow the Lord with all their heart, mind soul and strength.   I have the sense in relationships with each other, and with God, we are either moving forward towards shalom, or we are moving back.  Well I suppose we can be stuck at various stages, stuck on a kind of  plateau where we will eventually move one way or the other.  But it is clear from Jesus’ prayer which way He wants us to move. And as I said the other day, it takes two to decide to move forward together.  I do have to say though, that while in any relationship difficulty both sides will inevitable have faults, just one can sabotage moving forward.

Having said this, I don’t believe we move forward without a radical obedience, without a radical determination by the Spirit to put to death the deeds and the desires of the flesh (Romans 8:13; Galatians 5:24).  We  cannot do this without His help, but we do need to cooperate, co-partnering with Him in allowing  Him to use our difficulties to mold us into His image  in the iron sharpening iron process (Proverbs27:17).   And it seems to me and essential part of this is to make  it a priority to spend time in His Word and in His presence, and to do this, whenever possible and when appropriate,  together.  When we do,   we will  be transformed from one degree of shalom glory to another as we behold His face as in a mirror (2 Corinthians 3:3-8). It is a principle of the Word of God!

Lord Jesus,  please show us how, and give us Grace,  to let this mind be in us that was in You,  who did not think it robbery to be equal with God but  You humbled Yourself to become obedient even to the point of death on a  cross. Part of this is Lord,  is   with Your help, to put aside selfish ambition and conceit,  and to humble ourselves,   putting others first and viewing  and treating them as more important than ourselves. When we do this Lord You will in due time exalt us as the Father exalted You (Philippians 2: 1 Peter 5:6).  Help us Lord for we are weak, but in You we are strong and we do so want to bring Honour and Glory to Your Holy and Precious Name Amen

That they may be one as We are One (III) negotiation

 I rent rooms to students,  many of whom are international.  And over and over,  I find them wanting to barter (negotiate)  with me over what any Canadian would know is a fixed price.   I explain that  our culture is not a bartering culture, and that if were, I would not be starting with my bottom line.  I often go on to say that I think it is a pity we are not a negotiating culture, and the reason I say this is twofold. Firstly when we negotiate in good faith it helps build relationships, and secondly our no-negotiating culture has spilled over outside of financial considerations,  and far too often we operate out if a “my way, or the highway” mentality.   It seems to me that we learned this from our culture,  and is in fact part of what  is  "visited on us  from  the fathers" (see Exodus 20:5  and earlier posts).

There are, of course,  a few exceptions in our non-negotiating culture, as when you are buying a house, or at a garage sale.  But even there, the bartering is superficial.  I mean if you negotiate too hard they are likely to walk away.  In other cultures, the negotiating can go on for days. While we were in Uganda on one of my sabbaticals,  I came across a Swahili proverb which roughly translated says “The secret of peace in marriage is negotiation.”  And partially through this, I came to believe that premarital counseling needs to include teaching each other  how to negotiate fairly.  Actually whether we admit it or not, we do negotiate, but more often than not, it is unfair  rigid and toxic, using such things as manipulation,  control, anger,   domination,  punishing silences and the like.  

It is not just in marriage of course, but in any significant relationship. It seems to me that we should negotiate with our children as they pass from the dependent stage into adulthood. And  one of the  things we might do, is to link freedom and privilege (getting the car for example)  with responsibility.  This can of course start  early. More generally  I am convinced  in marriage and elsewhere,  that when we learn to negotiate with love, openness,  honesty and respect, it will  build understanding and strengthens relationships.  Coming back to the children, from what I can see from my travels, the so called “generation gap” is cultural. And I strongly suspect the generation gap in the West is related to our “take it or leave it” way of operating that is visited on us.

Father, I see it everywhere, in the home, in the church and elsewhere, that we are more into control than we are into negotiation. And I suspect that if we are aware at all of this, it is only vaguely  and below the surface.  So open our eyes Lord, and teach us  to negotiate in love, faith, honesty openness,  flexibility and  with Grace.  We need Your help Lord You are the best teacher in the universe.  And so we come to You this morning Lord for that help.  And I pray again Lord search my heart and show me what I need to know, to go forward in Jesus Name Amen

That they may be one as We are One (II) Going the second mile

The phrase in the last part of the title,  comes from the sermon on the mouth in Matthew 5:41 “And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.” What lies behind this  is the Roman soldier’s practice and right,   to commandeer civilians to carry their equipment for a mile. It was  fiercely resented by the Jews. I see this as a practical way to practice “as much as possible live at peace with all” (Romans 12:18).  When taken literally, going the second mile  would likely have aroused the curiosity of the soldier. “Why are you doing this, you only needed to go one mile?” 'Well it is something Jesus commanded us to do, and I am a Christian …” In other words, it opened the possibility of a conversation about the gospel, and possible reconciliation of the soldier both with the Christian and with the Lord.

Of course we are not under Rome, so we don’t need to do this right? But to reject what Jesus is saying in this way,  is to take the letter of what He is saying but not the spirit.  The command is essentially to go above and beyond what is required.   And  if we are to apply this to the above command in Romans 12:18, then, for example,  we may need to apologize for our part in what went wrong,  even if the other person is not willing to take responsibility for their part.  At our place of employment, we absolutely need to do all that is required, but more, we need to do it to the best of our ability, and when appropriate do even what is not expected (see Ephesians 6:5-8).

I qualified the last statement with “with when appropriate,” because it is more than possible to make a co-dependent interpretation of the sermon on the mount. In particular we should go the second mile, but perhaps not the third.  I am talking here about boundary issues. When we are people pleasers, or operate out of “peace at any price,” frame of mind, we may in fact be teaching others to feel,  and act entitled.  That is they may act and feel as if the World owes them something, and  not be willing to work on their issues.  There were those like this in Thessalonica who were not even willing to work period.   And Paul told the Thessalonians “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). In other words sometimes we need to limit going beyond the call of duty,  because it takes away responsibility from the other person, and to do this  to his or her harm. We also may need to limit this for our sanity and peace of mind!

Father, thank You again for the wisdom and  balance of Your Word.  We]e are people of extremes Lord. On the on  hand  we can use what I just said as an excuse not to go the second mile, and on the other hand we can go too far, burn out and/or fail to help the other person to take responsibility for their lives. Thank You for Your invitation to ask You for wisdom when we need it Lord (James 1:5), and I ask You again this morning Father, to search my heart and know my thoughts, and lead me in Your wisdom and Your ways (Psalm 139:23) in Jesus Name Amen

That they may be one as We are One (I) Jesus’ prayer

A major part of what Jesus accomplished on the cross, is that He made made it possible not only for the World to be reconciled to Himself, but also for you and I to be reconciled to each other. In fact He links our forgiveness and reconciliation with Him,   to forgiveness and reconciliation with each other. That is we are to be “kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).   We are told that the Father’s primary purpose in sending Christ is that “in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him” (Ephesians 1:9, 10). And in case anyone is left in doubt,   Jesus prays in His High Priestly prayer that “they may be one as We are One” (John 17:11). As with the Ephesians reference, the prayer is aimed primarily at those who have believed in Him (verses 9, 20).

And part of what was opened up and made possible was that through Christ’s work on the cross, is that   He could, at the same time, be both righteous (just) and merciful.   So possible, but not automatic, as some like to think,   but possible (in fact certain) “to those who have faith in Him (Romans 3:26; 5:1).   So similarly then   Christ made it   possible for us to be reconciled to each other, but also similarly neither is it   automatic. And what is commanded is “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with everyone” (Romans 12:18). Two things here, the implication in the phrase “if possible,” indicates that it might not be possible. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, meaning I can be determined to live at peace with you, but you can choose not to be at peace with me. So secondly then as much as depends on me. 

Before I came to faith in Christ, I used to say that the World was divided in two, those who loved me, and those who hated me. No doubt the way I was,   there were valid reasons to hate. I was a selfish son of gun (still not completely cured). But I didn’t care, because there were enough who loved me,   it didn’t seem to matter. When I became a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) I received a new heart (Jeremiah 31:33),   and it suddenly mattered very much (in fact too much - more later). And there were times when I felt I needed to intervene in certain situations to prevent injustice. In doing so I made enemies. But I was praising the Lord this morning for   His promise that “When a man’s ways please the Lord He makes even his enemies to be a peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7). There were a couple of times when it took years and years. But against all odds, He did it because He is   faithful.

Father, I want to thank You this morning that when we surrender and cooperate with You, all heaven comes on side to accomplish Your purposes. Lord I am still waiting for some of the reconciliations You have promised, but I want to thank You for the   above first fruits of this promise You reminded me of this morning. First fruits are a promise of   more to come. So Lord please continue Your work in me as with,   Your   help,   I seek to do mine   as   I continue to wait on You. In Jesus Name Amen

Do not rely on your own understanding

This quote comes from the following combined translation of Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, do not rely on your own understanding;  In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths and make them smooth and straight.”  These verses cut at the very heart of, and challenge,  our radical Western notion of independence, at the idea of the “self made man.” Such independence is thought to be the highest form of maturity.  And anything other than this, is thought to be weakness. But who is stronger, one who can voluntarily  surrender some of his independence,  or someone who cannot? 

Have you ever come to the place where you realize that the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know?  I have often returned from conferences,  both secular and spiritual,  feeling like a little boy sitting on the seashore of the vast and infinite sea of knowledge.  And have you ever found yourself thinking,  and feeling strongly, that you knew the best and the right thing to do in this, or that situation, only to discover it turned out badly?  Of course  that is not always the way to judge if it was the right thing to do or not. For example sometimes people may not want to hear what they need to hear, and may react badly even when what is spoken is spoken in love.  But "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6).  On the other hand how many times have I thought I knew the best thing to do, and even felt strongly that it was, only to find that when I let it sit  overnight, I didn’t feel the same way the following morning.  

What I am saying, is that I have learned (and some of it from the school of hard knocks) how limited is my own understanding. And I have learned it is wise to follow the principle/promise of these verses. And part of  acknowledging Him in all my ways,  it getting my will into neutral. It likely involves choosing to be willing to do this or that, or not to do it. I also need to be willing to wait. And this is  especially the case when strong emotions are involved. If I want Him to direct my steps, and to smooth the way,  I also need to let it sit until I have His peace.   Then  even if it does not work out the way I hoped it might, I don’t need to beat myself up about it, or second guess myself that it was the right thing to do.

Father, I thank You that Your ways are best. Thank You Lord that You give us the freedom to learn  the hard way when we need to. And I did! Thank You Lord that You have made Your wisdom and guidance so freely available.  But in order to tap into it we need to live a life of ongoing trust and reliance on You and to do it day by day. When we don’t do this,  only coming to You when we are in trouble, You will of course still help us, but it can take a long time to get out of the mess we have created by doing it “my way.”  But thank You Lord that You help us even to get through that. In Jesus Name Amen

Restoring hearts: Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (XI)

This morning we are connecting our theme (generational sins) with Malachi 4:6 (NAS). We read that the Lord will send Elijah before the great and terrible day of the Lord, and that he  “will restore the hearts of the fathers to children, and the hearts of the children to fathers, lest I come and smite the land with a curse.” To my mind it is no coincidence that this is placed as the very last verse of the Old Testament. What I am saying is that it transitions  Elijah's Old Testament ministry of judgement, to his New Testament ministry of reconciliation. The Hebrew word translated  here as "restore," is translated “turn” in many Bibles.  But according to the Hebrew lexicon, the word means  return, turn back, or restore. It particular, it is talking about what  the relationships once were. I mean picture the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship of a father and son, the time when the son still confuses his father with the true and living God.

I say the true and living God, because the disillusion that inevitably comes when the son realizes the father is not perfect, is often transferred, in the mind of the  adult son, to the the face of God. It is a lie of course, but it accounts for the fact that so many find it difficult to relate to God as Father. I remember one man saying it took him forty years to wipe the face of his father off the face of God! But the last part of this morning’s verse (lest I curse the earth) speaks to me of how strongly God feels about restoration of parent child relationships (yes the mothers too!). I love the balance of Scripture here, fathers are commanded to nurture, and  not provoke their children, and (adult) children commanded to honour father and mother (Ephesians 6:2-4; Exodus 20:12). There is no bias here!

With respect to the "great and terrible day of the Lord." We are in the last days, not the last day (Hebrews 1:2; John 6:44). And Elijah is sent "before" the latter day. And there is a real sense, if we can receive it, that the spirit of Elijah has already come (Matthew 11:14). We can cooperate with this spirit, or not! Peter talks about our ability to hasten the day of the Lord which, for the Christian is something to look forward to (2 Peter 3:12; 2 Timothy 4:8). In context Peter asks “what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness” (verse 11). In other words by our conduct and attitudes we can either accelerate or hinder the restoration of these relationships with “the fathers.” At the very, very least, (adult) children should honour, and parents should when allowed to, to nurture, but certainly not provoke.

Father, while it is You who send Elijah to do these things, we always have a part to play. Your Word tells us that “as much as is within you,  live at peace with all" (Romans 12:18). It is not always possible of course, and we need wisdom and council as to the when,  the how, and even the if,  but also what to do when the loved on has passed on. Also we may not be healed up enough to deal with rejection when we seek to make amends. Thank You Lord for twelve step programs that help very much with these things. Thank Your for the council of the saints, of Your Word and of Your Holy Spirit in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (X) Destiny

Last day’s devotional concluded with “Know for certain that everything that happens is within God's perfect plan.”  I have observed that there are basically two responses to suffering. It either makes you bitter or it makes you better. And in the end we choose. Paul, whose suffering in my view, was far from light, could nevertheless say “For our light affliction ... is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:17). The assumption behind this though, is that we stop fighting the people and circumstances  God allows or sends into our lives. These are the very things that bring us over and over, to the crossroads of the ongoing choice to be better or bitter.

In the story we were looking at last day, Joseph’s circumstance were the direct results of both the deliberate intended evil of his brothers (Genesis 37:27, 28), and the likely unintended generational dysfunction of his parents (giving the coat of many colours that provoked jealousy Genesis 37:3,4). In all of this God was using it for character polishing, to make him more like Jesus, and to make him fruitful (Romans 8:28,29; Genesis 41:52; 50:20). Joseph’s destiny was, among other things, to rule over his family (Genesis 37:5-9). But like all  destinies, he was not going to get there without a fight. The point is that fulfilling our destiny is not automatic. And part of my destiny and yours, is to be more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). And we will not be more that conquerors if we have nothing we need to conquer. And may times this is ourself!

Part of what needs to happen in this regard, is that we need to humble ourselves under the might hand of God. When we do this, He will exalt us in due season (1 Peter 5:6). Joseph could have blamed everyone but himself, nursed the injustice,  dragged his feet as a servant in Potiphar’s palace.  He could have given in to Potiphar’s seduction, he could have sulked in jail and waited impatiently during the more than two full years of imprisonment (Genesis 39:4, 7, 21; 41:1). Had he done this, he would not have obtained  favour (verses 4, 21). What I am saying is that  in order to move into our destiny we may have to humble ourselves, and not only stop fighting the people and circumstances He allows, but rather to determine not to be bitter, to learn to count it all joy  (James 1:2), and so to cooperate with God in His work to make us better. It works like this “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble” (1 Peter 5:5). When we do our part, God will do His. Though we may leave Him, He will never leave us, and He will give us the favour we need and bring us into our destiny (Genesis 39:2, 4, 21).

Father, it seems to me that this is a lesson we need to learn over and over. You want us to wait patiently on You Lord (Psalm 40:1), and I have not always done this well. Thank You for Your Grace and Mercy, and for the promise that You who began a good work in me will keep right on working in this way (Philippians 1:6). And I pray for myself and all those reading this blog that You will give us ongoing grace to humble ourselves, so that You can bring us into our individual destiny in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (IX) Perfect for you

The lives of the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and their descendants make good case studies for  sins being visited on the children (Genesis chapters 12 to 50). The rivalry and fighting between siblings due to favouritism is a case in point. Continuing the family pattern, Jacob openly favours Joseph by giving him a coat of many colours. Joseph makes things worse by unwisely sharing dreams in which he is seen to rule over his brothers and his parents. When Jacob sends Joseph to his brothers tending sheep at some distance from home, the brothers take the opportunity to sell Joseph into slavery in  Egypt. Joseph finishes up in Potiphar's palace where his character earns him promotion to chief servant. Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph accusing him of rape when he flees. Joseph is thrown into Jail where he gains favour of the jailer.

In the end he is released because he interprets the dreams of the baker and cup bearer, both of whom had incurred the wrath of Pharaoh (the king). Joseph correctly discerns  the cup bearer being restored, and the baker beheaded. Later when Pharaoh has dreams, the cup bearer tells Pharaoh of Joseph’s skills. Joseph is brought into the palace, correctly interprets Pharaoh's dreams as predicting seven years of plenty, followed by seven years of famine. He is then promoted to second only to Pharaoh, and long story short, rescues (and in effect rules over) his whole family, who would otherwise have starved. When Jacob eventually dies, the brothers are terrified Joseph will now (with their father no longer there to protect them) take his revenge. Joseph however speaks the immortal words “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20?).

God had a plan, a destiny for Joseph's life, and everything that happened, the good the bad and the ugly, was all part of God's perfect plan to bring Joseph into the palace. Now Joseph had a choice on the journey. In stead of accepting with serenity the things he could not change, he could have fought every step of the way. It would, I believe, have taken a lot longer that way. Could he have fooled up God's plan?  Well yes and no! God could have accomplished His Sovereign purposes to deliver Israel  another way possibly using somebody else. He would then have forged a different destiny for Joseph (Jeremiah 18:4). In the same way,   God has a destiny for you and me (Jeremiah 29:11), and that plan is perfect for you and me to bring us into our individual destinies. Can we fool it up? Certainly, but  we need to choose to cooperate with Him and stop fighting the  people and circumstances he either allows or sends (depending on how you think about it). We did not have the wrong parents or siblings, the wrong job, the wrong this or the wrong that. Others may indeed intend this or that for evil, but you can be sure that God intends it for good (Romans 8:28). We can fight or we can cooperate. But know for certain that everything that happens is all part of God's perfect plan for us.

Father I want to thank You this morning, that You are the God of second, third and fourth chances. Thank You Lord that indeed You are working all things for God as I choose to love and cooperate with You. Bring us Lord deeper into Your embrace and enable us to respond to live the way You want us to in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (VIII) Inadequate nurture

I cannot leave this series of posts without saying something about the role of nurture in these things. I mentioned last day about lack of encouragement,  today it's about lack of nurture. There is spiritual song by Alberto and Kimberly Rivera  entitled “Royalty.” In it the little girl speaks “Mummy,  daddy look at me, look at the beautiful princess that I am.” It continues  with the Lord saying “I remember the day you stopped believing you were a princess,  and my heart broke.…” It goes on to tell how He wants to restore the broken heart (Luke 4:18).  The song touches me, because while we do not want to countenance overindulgence, in order to have a healthy self image we do need to know that God sees us as  princes and princesses.   Again we do not want to be spoiled brats, but God does want us to know that we are special,  that we are  specially loved, significant and made worthy in Christ.  Some of our hymnology does not promote that (such a worm as I)!

I am not saying I did this especially well,  but I am aware that as fathers we are intended to love our daughters into life, and equip our sons to do the same with their future  wives.  It took me a long time to realize that lack of nurture is actually quite devastating.  It is different from abuse, at least  in that it’s easier to see that that is wrong, but when something is missing,  well we  likely don’t know what we are missing until we receive it.  But it seems that when nurture it is missing,  we consciously or subconsciously seek it, and more often than not,  seek it in all the wrong places. For example, it is not logical or reasonable to expect our spouse to provide for us what was missing in childhood, or to make up for any abuse we suffered.

Now Romans 8:28 is true (God works all things together for good for those who love Him).  And one of the ways He does this,  is that when we have suffered enough trying to find love and nurture in all the wrong places,  eventually come into our right mind and determine to return to the Father (Luke 15:13, 17), then we find that He is ready,  willing and able to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory (Philippians 4:19).  Like the son in this story, we will likely have to come to the end of ourselves,  even to a point of desperation,   before we come to Him. We do not know that God is all we  need,  until God is all we have (Luke 15:20-24)!

Father, I want to thank You again this morning that You knew what it would take before I was willing to come to You. I had tried it my way  both before and after salvation.  These ways  seemed right, but in fact ended in destruction  (Proverbs 14:12). But like the father in the story, You were waiting for me to come into my right mind,  and when I did and fully returned to You,   I did indeed find in You all  that I needed. And I want to praise and thank You,  again  like the father in the story,  You  lavished Your love upon me. Father I pray this morning for those reading this who are not quite there yet,  that  they will know that this is for them too,  and that it will encourage them to press in,  in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (VII) Making things worse

When we have received  negative words,  actions and attitudes from “the Fathers,” those in whom we are in significant relationship, we can  make things worse by cursing ourselves in at least two ways.  Firstly, by embracing the lies, spoken or unspoken that surround these things. Secondly by making inner vows that set negative consequence in motion.  We touched on the need to deal with negative self talk in several posts in “The war on negativity” (July). This morning we are taking this further and saying that actually,  when we embrace the lies,  speak negatively about ourselves and make dishonouring vows,  we are  actually  cursing ourselves.

If we have never had encouragement from our caregivers,  or worse,  been told that we will never be any good, it is all too  easy to embrace the spoken or unspoken lie.  And it is a lie, I mean “God don’t make no junk.” You are awesome,  and you need to believe it because “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).  It can be subtle forms in terms of lack of confidence,  as we tell ourselves “I could never do that.” It is a curse however, because  it becomes self fulfilling prophecy. I mean  if we believe it, we  either won’t even try, or if we do, do so in a half hearted manner, or we won’t try again when we fail (and mistakes and  failure are  all  part of the learning process)!  And in order to succeed we do need to give it all we have,  and to not give up when we fail, but to try, try, tray again. And we need to banish fear of failure!  The truth is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).   Much worse,  is when we embrace the lie along the lines that we are are a looser, telling ourselves  when we have blown it “You are such an idiot.”

The second way we curse ourselves can at first seem positive. We might vow,  for example “I’ll never be like my dad.”  But  how many people have made such inner vows only to find years later,  that  they are exactly like him in the area they so despise.  There are two thing going on here. First of all this inevitably involves judgement,  and we cannot judge a parent without dishonouring them.  And when we do this,  it will not go well with us (Ephesians 6:2, 3).  We do not need to honour negative behaviour or attitudes, but we do need to honour them as our parents (see 7 August post).  The second thing is that it seems to be a law that we take on the characteristics of anything on which we focus. This is why idolatry is bad. So if I focus on not being like dad, I am focusing on dad,  and  I will inevitably become like  him.  We need to repent and renounce these self curses. Here is a sample prayer to do that.

Father, I forgive myself for believing the negative words spoken over me, and for making inner vows I may not even remember.  I repent for giving them  place in my life. I ask You to forgive me Lord, and I receive Your forgiveness. I renounce and break the legal rights/power of these curses in my life,  based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ,  and His finished work on the Cross. I appropriate the power of the Cross to cancel all judgements and to stop all demonic influence associated with these curses, in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers ….. (VI) Word curses from “the Fathers”

Sticks and stones may break my bones…..! But it's not true that words can never hurt me.  Bones of course, can heal, but  negative words (curses) from "the Fathers” can wound us for a lifetime. We need to understand “the Fathers” as much more than dad (we wouldn’t want to leave the ladies out :) ). In fact “the fathers” include not only our ancestors,  but people who have,  or had,  influence in our lives (i.e. the boss etc.). It also includes the influence of the culture in which we are immersed. But in any case, what I need to say, is that  negative words spoken from those with whom we are in significant relationship, tend to wound far more deeply than words from strangers. so in particular mum and dad.  Now since we are not under the Law  (Romans 6:14), we don’t follow the command to stone those who curse mother or father (Exodus 20:17). Nevertheless, this verse  shows how strongly God feels about how we speak to our parents.

More generally,  “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21), and so particularly for for those of us who follows Christ, our words need to speak life not death, encouragement not putdowns, honour not dishonour. And this can be difficult, because many of us have received many curses (negative,  discouraging words).  Some of it can be seemingly mild. “You got 98% on your test? What happened to the other two marks?” But behind this, even when presented as jest, can lie a perfectionist attitude,  and  can cause us to be driven for the rest of our lives. It is a curse. More obvious curses include a mother saying  “You are just like your father, he was no good and neither are you!” We talked earlier about making war on the negative, and what I want to say here, is that if these things are not to have life long influence,  then we need to deal with them Biblically,  not just suppress them and try to forget. We do of course,  need to forgive and to honour in spite of what was “visited” on us (Exodus 20:5, 6,12). 

In Leviticus 26:40, 42 we read “But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers… then I will remember My covenant.” Some have called this identification repentance, because when we do this, we identify with our ancestors and repent on their behalf, as well as on our own. This important principle is taught in a recovery ministry “Restoring the foundations ministry” (RTF).  As in all prayer and repentance,  it is important to be specific. This morning the closing prayer will mimic what I was taught in RTF, using the example above,  of someone being told they would never be any good by their mother.  So here is a sample repentance prayer:-

Father, I forgive my mother for cursing me with the spoken words that I will never be any good. I repent for receiving this curse, and giving it place in my life. I ask You to forgive me Lord, and I receive Your forgiveness. I renounce and break the legal rights/power of this curse in my life,  based on the shed blood of Jesus Christ,  and His finished work on the Cross. I appropriate the power of the Cross to cancel all judgements and to stop all demonic influence associated with this curse, in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (V) Curses, Old and New covenant

The question of whether God allows, or at times actually sends,  disasters is clear under the Old Covenant.  For example He withholds the rain  (Amos 4:7), and He sends Cyrus  calling him His servant to conquer, and take Israel into captivity (Isaiah 44:28).  On the other hand,  in the New Covenant, “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19).  And “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). But while Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, the earth remains cursed,  awaiting the redemption of the sons of God (Romans 8:20,21).  And  a big part of what remains, is  the law of sowing and reaping, a law that  was set into the nature of reality at the time of the  fall.



Under the Law (the 10 commandments etc.) there were blessing for obedience,  and curses for disobedience (Deuteronomy 11:26-28). The curses were punishment for disobedience  (Leviticus 28:18).  Isaiah could declare that Israel had received double for all her sins (Isaiah 40:2).  The law (lower case l) of sowing and reaping is more of  a mechanical thing, a spiritual law of cause and effect,  a new reality, initiated at the fall. Another way to describe this, is to say  that bad choices have bad fruit, good choices good fruit. Indeed, as mentioned above,  this curse remains.  And it is left in place “for our sake” (Genesis 3:17 NKJV see January 25 post).  In other words the law of sowing and reaping is not  about punishment, but rather  it is the school of hard knocks designed to teach us to learn to live in  truth and  reality.   



The law of sowing and reaping is not like the law of gravity, in that with the law of gravity  the effects are immediate. as when we step off the roof for example.  The law of sowing and reaping not so much. I mean it takes time for a fruit tree to produce fruit. So too in both positive and negative ways, the “fruit” of our choices  is not usually immediate, but rather it is only seen  over time.   But there is another aspect of the analogy, and it is if you plant one potato for example,  you don't just get one potato back, you get a crop. Similarly the consequences of our “small sins” will eventually come back thirtyfold, sixtyfold etc.  If we sow to the wind, we will eventually reap the whirlwind.  It may take time for us to come to the end of ourselves! The recovery saying comes to mind “We will not change until the pain of being stuck exceeds the pain and fear of change.”



Father, as I think about these things I am more and more realizing that You cursed the earth because You love us, and You knew that if there was no bad fruit to our bad choices, we would likely ride off into the sunset.  If we had no nerves and touched the hot stove, we likely would not remove our hand fast enough. C.S.  Lewis once said that You whisper to us in our pleasure, but shout to us in our pain.  I don’t pretend to understand it all Lord, but I choose to trust You, and I know that on that Day I will say “You have done all things well,” in Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (IV) Our responsibility

One of the things I feel it is important to acknowledge right from the start, is that most parents did and do the best they could, with what they were handed down from their ancestors. There is a poem by the secular author Philip Larkin that I want to quote with some of his language softened. “They mess you up your mom and dad, they may not mean to,  but they do.  They load you down with all their sins,  and add some others just for you.” He goes on to say that they in turn were messed up by their parents. And this in fact  illustrates again for us these verses the from Exodus 20:5,6.  And the main point I want to make  this morning,  is that we are not responsible for their sins. It is before their own master  that they stand or fall (Romans 14:4). We are however responsible for our response to the way that their sins and mistakes affected us. 

It’s hard to honour your parents when you are angry with them. But to come back to the commandment with promise (Exodus 20:12),  if we want it to go well with us,  and our days to be long, then we need to find a way to do it.  Perhaps you don’t feel they are worthy of honour. But are you and I worthy of salvation and the dignity and respect that God  affords us? We honour them because they are our parents, not for what they do, have done or  have not done. We choose to honour them because He tells us to. We do it for Him.  The seriousness  with which God regards this can, to some extent, be measured by the severity of the prescribed punishment under Old Testament Law. So listen to this “Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death” (Leviticus 20:9).

If this should seem harsh, and you feel like judging God, remember that God’s rules are there for out provision and protection. And consider too that He might just want to get your attention. The Exodus  passage tells us that if these things are not dealt with, they  will go down to the third and fourth generation (verse 5). In particular,  in line with “we reap what we sow” (Galatians 6:7), if you curse your father or mother, your children,  grandchildren and great grandchildren are likely to curse you too. Furthermore, as I have already indicated,  you are also likely to take this unresolved conflict into your marriage. Does all this seem difficult? Well it is, and it is one of the reasons why I keep pointing to the help that Christ centred twelve-step-programs  afford and which are useful for much more than addictions. It starts with admitting we need help!

Father, Paul could say  “When I am weak then I am strong” (1 Corinthians 12:10),  because when he came to the end of Himself and cast himself on You, then he received You Grace,  and Your strength in him became perfect in his weakness (verse 9).  Lord,  we can either become bitter and defile ourselves and those we love, or with Your help, we can receive Your grace to help in our need (Hebrews 12:15;4:6). And yes Lord we even need help to receive Your grace. My responsibility is to fully surrender,  and come to You for this and everything else. Truly Lord without You we can do nothing (John 15:5).  In Jesus Name Amen

Sins of the Fathers and resulting curses (III) Reality and honour

If coming to terms with the mistakes we have made is difficult it is often even more so for the children.  I meet a lot of people, especially in prison,  who are very angry with their parents, most especially the Dad! But the Bible tells us that life will not go well for us if we do not honour our parents. In Exodus 20:6 we read “You shall honour your father and mother."   It’s called the first commandment with promise,  and goes on to say “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth” (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:3). In particular they say that six months after you get married your relationship  to your spouse is very likely to mirror the relationship you have with the parent with whom you most have trouble.  And if you don’t deal with the issues with your ancestors (not just your parents), not only is it likely to sabotage your marriage, you will likely leave the legacy of more of the same, to your children.

As a father and a son,  I have become increasingly aware of the baggage that was passed down to me, and the baggage that  I in turn,  passed down to my children (see Exodus 20:5,6).  I didn’t want to pass it on, I didn’t mean to, but it happened! I didn’t even know I had it!  Coming to terms with the reality that we receive negative stuff, and that we pass on negative stuff is difficult. It’s part of coming out of denial, but it is also part of what motivates me to bring everything I am and have to the Lord to be forgiven, cleansed,  and redeemed.  And this morning I want to emphasize  our need to come to terms with the reality of what we have received,  of what we therefore are likely to pass on, or have already passed on, and what the Lord wants us to do about it.

The Scriptures tell us that in many thing we all fail, but many times, for a whole host of reasons we don’t see it. Again, it’s called denial. But the fact of the matter is, that  if we want to have life in all it’s fullness (John 10:10b), then we need to enter  heart healing and freedom gaining sanctification (see the posts on sanctification from May). In the end you are the only one you can change. If you are  not dealing with your issues,  and in particular if you are not working towards honouring your parents, then it will not go well with you or your children unto four generations (Exodus 20:5 again). To say it again,  we are the only ones we can change!

Father, most of us have not been quick to honour our parents, and we turn now in repentance and receive your forgiveness. We  talk about tiptoeing round the elephant in the room, meaning a problem or difficult situation that, for whatever reason we don’t deal with. We may not recognize it, we may have tried to deal with it, but were punished and blamed for trying, and for violating the family rules  “don’t think, don’t feel, don’t rock the boat.” Yet You call us to walk in reality and truth,   and at the same time call on us to honour our parents. It is the only way to heart healing and freedom, and we need Your help Lord, we need Your grace, and we need Your mercy, and I am asking for it again this morning Lord in Jesus Name Amen