Last day we were talking about the pressures that generational sins play in our lives. The “sins of the fathers”, while it certainly includes our immediate ancestors, can be (correctly) understood more widely in a tribal way, or as from within our culture (see 2 Peter 3:4). To put this another way we can apply the lessons the Lord is trying to teach us here, to our dealings with all of the people and things that affect, and have affected us from the outside, with the things done to us, with the “hand” life has dealt us. The default mode is to yield to these pressures, to follow the same bad examples, to do the very same things done to us, to get mad, to seek revenge, to obsess, to judge and condemn those who have hurt us, or failed to provide for us. The default is to blame our current emotional state on things that have come from the outside. We tell ourselves “I am the victim here”. We become bitter, and in doing so become stuck and remain stuck, in our pain. It sucks, it really sucks!
The Biblical way to get free of all of this is radical. But we will not become whole by doing the same things we have always done. Some make it seem too easy “Just get over it”, but that is to trivialize the pain. Some make it too hard, and at least for me, outside of Christ it would have be impossible. Without His help it is difficult indeed. Without Christ some seem to manage to change their behaviour, but don't seem to receive healing. This is even true of some Christians, who do not seem to have learnt to rest in Him.
No one is saying it is easy. One preacher put it this way “people don't change when they see the light, they change when they feel the heat”. Certainly it helps to understand, but understanding is not enough (see “Psychology without faith is lame”, August, 2010). The same preacher also said “People change when they are hurt enough have to, learn enough want to, and receive enough to be able to”. The last part of this is what I was talking about in the first corner stone of recovery (the healing that comes in the process of connecting with God).
Dealing with what life hands us is a crossroads, with the default mode being to yield to the pressures of the “sins or the fathers”, that are being “visited upon us”. We do have choices, as adults we are not helpless victims (but see 1 Corinthians 13:11). The choice to ignore (or remain ignorant of) the way out that God has provided, is still a choice. There is no fence here, there is no middle ground. We either substantially yield to the pressures from the hand we have been dealt, or with His help, with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us (if you have surrendered to Christ), we learn to overcome, and in the process receive His healing.
The immediate context of the “sins of the father's” passage (Exodus 20:5B), is the commandment not to bow down or to worship idols (Exodus 20:5A). Worship of dumb idols was a major problem in Ancient Israel. However, we need to understand idolatry in a broader sense as applying to just physical idols, and include anything that takes the place of God in our lives. Thus the pursuit of stuff can be an idol, to the workaholic his job is the idol, to the one who is bitter, getting even is his “god”. Whatever dominates our time and energy and focus is our idol. Life lived to the full only happens to the extent that God is our focus. I love more if God, is my focus, I have more compassion when I am close to God than if I am preoccupied with something else. We are not talking about religion here, following a set of rules, seeking to establish our own righteousness. In fact religion itself can be an idol. When we allow anything other than God to become our focus, it becomes and idol. When, for example we make inner vows such as “I will never be like my dad, never” (July 8, 2010), our focus it taken off God, and put on “not dad”. When we focus on a negative, it does not produce a positive! In fact the vow becomes a curse, not a blessing, and we remain stuck!
The broader context of the crossroads we are talking about (the curse of the default, or the blessing of obedience) is the 10 commandments themselves, and in particular the commandment that we honour our father and mother (Exodus 20:12). The New testament expands this to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). It is worth noting that Jesus teaches this in the context of 'switching Fathers' (“that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” - verse 45). I said it was radical did I not?
So how do we do this, how do we honour those who have abused us (for example)? What does it even mean in this context? I said earlier, that it does not honour our parents to pretend that they were perfect when they are not. It is easy to honour those who have honoured you, but to honour those who have not, here is where the rubber meets the road. Here is where I need help (His help). How about you?
It is here where strangely, those who have been hurt the most, have an advantage (if they/you are willing to embrace it). Let me repeat what was said above “People change when they are hurt enough have to, learn enough want to, and receive enough to be able to”. The point is, that the more hurt you are, the more stuck you will likely be, and the more desperate you are likely to be, to get past it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life this hurt? Are you desperate enough to be willing to forgive? Willing mind you, I am not of those who will tell you “Just do it”.
Forgiving those who have hurt you, and honouring those who have dishonoured you, are likely equally difficult. They are of course related. We need to make a distinction between forgiving, and saying that what the person did was not wrong, or that it does not matter. If it was not wrong, or if it did not matter, there would be nothing to forgive. In fact we only really need to forgive when some real wrong has been done. The greater the offense the more meaningful is the forgiveness. Similarly when we have been dishonoured the more meaningful it is to honour the one who dishonoured us. We need to do this for our own sakes, and for the sakes of those we influence (our children to the third and fourth generation). And we need to start by being willing. Sometimes our prayer needs to be “Lord help me to be willing”, or even “Help me to be willing to be willing”.
It helps me to understand that our caregivers likely did their best with what they had. Consider the established fact that almost all abusers were themselves abused. Even the worst offenders are not likely to want to have hurt their children. But is it hard to change. Paul put it this way “The good things I want to do, I don't do them. The bad things I don't want to do, these things I do” (Romans 7 - see January 2011). On top of this, my parents generation (yours too?) had none of the type of teaching that is available today. I said at the beginning of this series of posts that this type of teaching has been hidden from the Church for a long time. Of course it has also been hidden from the World. But just as the desperate needs of our increasingly sick society have motivated Psychological research, so has our Heavenly Father been revealing these Biblical teachings to those who will listen.
So begins the process of “learning enough to want to”. Choosing to become whole is in many ways a difficult choice, but for those of us who are parents, this “visitation of the sins of the fathers” can powerfully motivate us to change. When we see our children sick, most of us would gladly take their place if we could (we too do the best with what we have). So then when we start to understand the long term effects that our faults, foibles, short comings and iniquities have upon our children, and our children's children, this can help us to come to terms with it all so that we leave a positive legacy to “a thousand [generations]” as we seek to love Him and obey His commandments”.
Finally to say something about when we “receive enough to be able to”. I ask this question often “Do you want to be made whole?” (see July 2010). Within the trinity of Bible help, self help and God's help, part of my part is to ask for His help. James tells us “we do not have, because we do not ask” (James 4:2B). So let's ask. Here is a prayer to pray. “Father in Heaven, please forgive me for the many times I shut You out. You know the many things that have hurt me, but You know what suffering is all about, and You understand (Hebrews 4:15). Help me to receive all that You make available to those who seek to walk in Your ways. Give me what I need in order that my sufferings will draw me into Your healing embrace. Show me clearly what I need to surrender to You, for Your Word tells me that when I surrender it all to You, then You are at work in my willingness, in my desires to do the good, and You are at Work in the wherewithal to do it (Philippians 2:12,13). Help me to do my part (John 8:31) so that I can claim Your promise that You will start (continue) the process of healing my broken heart. In Jesus name. Amen”.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Rebuilding … the desolations of many generations (corner stone II of recovery).
If you were born in a time or a place where hygiene was not well understood, you would likely not be as healthy as you are (no matter what your current state of health). You may not even have survived. Bugs that are invisible (to the naked eye) will do their thing, whether you can see them or not, and whether you believe in them or not. It is interesting to note that many of the Old Testament ceremonial laws advocated things which would protect those who obeyed them from such things. I am thinking about such things as the washing of hands, about regulations concerning touching the dead and of the disposal of human waste. These things sound very modern in terms of hygiene. In fact God promised Israel that if they followed these regulations, they would have “none of the diseases” of the surrounding cultures (Exodus 15:26). Israel did not understand of course, but if they obeyed they were provided for and protected.
I said last day “As in the physical, so it is in the spiritual”. A major principle of application of the Bible is that the physical truths in the Old Testament are intended to teach us spiritual truths in the New (Romans 15:4). As a particular example of this, when we trust the Lord and obey His commandments, even when we don't understand why, we are protected and provided for in spirit and soul and body and mind (see also 26th and 29th of November 2010).
In Isaiah 61:4 from the primary reference for this series of posts passage (see April 8th), the “dessolations of many generations” was a reference mainly to the physical. Commentators agree that Jerusalem and the temple lay in ruins at the time this passage was written. Protection of villages towns and cities in Old Testament times relied on the walls and gates that surrounded them. If these structures were broken down there was no defense, and the enemy would rush in, with devastating results. Appropriate structures gave protection and provided security. Today the spiritual structures of our society have either crumbled or are crumbling – we have cast off restraint, we dismiss Biblical principles and Biblical morality and integrity also with devastating results on our mental emotional spiritual and yes even spilling over to our physical well being. The decline has been taking place over time, and the “dessolations” we are experiencing (especially in the West) have deep spiritual causes, and have been “many generations” in the making. The enemy of our souls is having his way, which is to kill and to steal and to destroy (John 10:10a).
There are two interrelated points I want to start to draw our attention to today. Both find their Scriptural warrant within the context of the 10 Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17). The first point relates to the “sins of the father's”, and second to the commandment to “honour your father and mother”. It is no coincidence either that these two things occur together, nor that there are promises attached to each part.
The “sins of the father's” part comes in verses 5, and 6, “.. you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” Some translations put “punish the children for” rather than “visit the iniquities on the children”. My Hebrew lexicon tells me that the Hebrew word translated 'visit” above, means “to attend to, to visit, to muster, to appoint”. These verses are difficult to understand at the best of times (well it seems so unfair), but “punish” seems to me to be a wrong translation. It seems better to understand that the faults and the deficiencies (- iniquities which can be thought of as absence of moral or spiritual values, as well as an unjust act) have profound influence on the children, and the children's children. These things form a kind of pressure to conform to the values and actions of those who came before us. It is well known for example, that children of alcoholics are far more likely to be alcoholics than those in the general population.
The quotation the “sins of the Fathers are visited on the children” seems to be well known even outside of Christian circles. What is not so well known is the verse that follows (verse 6 quoted above). It starts with a “But”, "but steadfast love and mercy to thousands of generations of those who love me, and obey my commandments" (Exodus 20:6). This is the promise of this first part that I was talking about above. I thank God for the “buts” of the Bible. A “but” changes everything. For example “I had the winning ticket in the lottery, but I lost it”! The 'but' in our passage changes a curse into a blessing! There are however, two conditions that need to be fulfilled, in order to claim God's favour, and His hand in the reversal of our family dysfunctions and difficulties. They are first of all to love God (verse 6 - “those who love me”) and second of all to obey Him (“those who … obey my commandments”).
This is where things can get difficult, especially when we have felt deeply hurt or even betrayed by our parents. I say this because in the very same context we are told to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). The promise of a long life is expanded to include “that it may go well with you and your children after you” in a parallel promise in Deuteronomy 4:40. In particular we cannot expect it to go well with us, if we are not willing to honour our father and mother, no matter how hard this may seem.
I have said earlier that when God gives a commandment, He does so for our provision and protection (see more on these thoughts in last November's posts). We may not understand well why this is the case, but then as I implied above in the physical, bugs will do their thing whether we understand the mechanism or not, and Israel escaped the diseases if they obeyed.
Actually modern research into the brain has uncovered some very interesting things. In particular that both positive and negative thoughts impact the brain in a profound way, and the impact correlates well with the nature of the thoughts. Thus negative thoughts impact the brain negatively, and positive thoughts impact the brain positively. There is an interesting book I can recommend that explains much of this in layman's terms (and I am certainly a layman in this field). It is “The Brain That Changes Itself” by Norman Doidge. This book in fact gives scientific evidence for what I said in my post “Don't get mad, get even and poison yourself and those you love” (January 2011). It is of course also confirmed by the admonition to think on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable" (Philippians 4:9). We can do this. We need His help of course, but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (see March posts!).
To say what I have said over and over and to say it again “His commandments are not only good and right and proper, they are smart”. I said more about generational sins in my post of 15th of August, 2010, and we will continue next day.
I said last day “As in the physical, so it is in the spiritual”. A major principle of application of the Bible is that the physical truths in the Old Testament are intended to teach us spiritual truths in the New (Romans 15:4). As a particular example of this, when we trust the Lord and obey His commandments, even when we don't understand why, we are protected and provided for in spirit and soul and body and mind (see also 26th and 29th of November 2010).
In Isaiah 61:4 from the primary reference for this series of posts passage (see April 8th), the “dessolations of many generations” was a reference mainly to the physical. Commentators agree that Jerusalem and the temple lay in ruins at the time this passage was written. Protection of villages towns and cities in Old Testament times relied on the walls and gates that surrounded them. If these structures were broken down there was no defense, and the enemy would rush in, with devastating results. Appropriate structures gave protection and provided security. Today the spiritual structures of our society have either crumbled or are crumbling – we have cast off restraint, we dismiss Biblical principles and Biblical morality and integrity also with devastating results on our mental emotional spiritual and yes even spilling over to our physical well being. The decline has been taking place over time, and the “dessolations” we are experiencing (especially in the West) have deep spiritual causes, and have been “many generations” in the making. The enemy of our souls is having his way, which is to kill and to steal and to destroy (John 10:10a).
There are two interrelated points I want to start to draw our attention to today. Both find their Scriptural warrant within the context of the 10 Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17). The first point relates to the “sins of the father's”, and second to the commandment to “honour your father and mother”. It is no coincidence either that these two things occur together, nor that there are promises attached to each part.
The “sins of the father's” part comes in verses 5, and 6, “.. you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” Some translations put “punish the children for” rather than “visit the iniquities on the children”. My Hebrew lexicon tells me that the Hebrew word translated 'visit” above, means “to attend to, to visit, to muster, to appoint”. These verses are difficult to understand at the best of times (well it seems so unfair), but “punish” seems to me to be a wrong translation. It seems better to understand that the faults and the deficiencies (- iniquities which can be thought of as absence of moral or spiritual values, as well as an unjust act) have profound influence on the children, and the children's children. These things form a kind of pressure to conform to the values and actions of those who came before us. It is well known for example, that children of alcoholics are far more likely to be alcoholics than those in the general population.
The quotation the “sins of the Fathers are visited on the children” seems to be well known even outside of Christian circles. What is not so well known is the verse that follows (verse 6 quoted above). It starts with a “But”, "but steadfast love and mercy to thousands of generations of those who love me, and obey my commandments" (Exodus 20:6). This is the promise of this first part that I was talking about above. I thank God for the “buts” of the Bible. A “but” changes everything. For example “I had the winning ticket in the lottery, but I lost it”! The 'but' in our passage changes a curse into a blessing! There are however, two conditions that need to be fulfilled, in order to claim God's favour, and His hand in the reversal of our family dysfunctions and difficulties. They are first of all to love God (verse 6 - “those who love me”) and second of all to obey Him (“those who … obey my commandments”).
This is where things can get difficult, especially when we have felt deeply hurt or even betrayed by our parents. I say this because in the very same context we are told to “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). The promise of a long life is expanded to include “that it may go well with you and your children after you” in a parallel promise in Deuteronomy 4:40. In particular we cannot expect it to go well with us, if we are not willing to honour our father and mother, no matter how hard this may seem.
I have said earlier that when God gives a commandment, He does so for our provision and protection (see more on these thoughts in last November's posts). We may not understand well why this is the case, but then as I implied above in the physical, bugs will do their thing whether we understand the mechanism or not, and Israel escaped the diseases if they obeyed.
Actually modern research into the brain has uncovered some very interesting things. In particular that both positive and negative thoughts impact the brain in a profound way, and the impact correlates well with the nature of the thoughts. Thus negative thoughts impact the brain negatively, and positive thoughts impact the brain positively. There is an interesting book I can recommend that explains much of this in layman's terms (and I am certainly a layman in this field). It is “The Brain That Changes Itself” by Norman Doidge. This book in fact gives scientific evidence for what I said in my post “Don't get mad, get even and poison yourself and those you love” (January 2011). It is of course also confirmed by the admonition to think on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable" (Philippians 4:9). We can do this. We need His help of course, but "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (see March posts!).
To say what I have said over and over and to say it again “His commandments are not only good and right and proper, they are smart”. I said more about generational sins in my post of 15th of August, 2010, and we will continue next day.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Healing soul/spirit hurts V. Going deeper
There is so much more to be said about this important subject of healing of soul/spirit hurts. In particular about how the trinity of helps (Bible help, self help and God's help) plays out in this so so important part of our recovery. We need to continue in His Word to learn the truth (John 8:31), we need to do our part, and trust God that He is at work behind it all to help us “to will and to do His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). I started this series of posts by talking about the intensive care stage of recovery, and in many ways I have, in these last few posts, dealt with little more than this stage. It is an important stage, falling in love with Him and allowing Him to love us, learning to find rest and our security and our affirmation in His love, having our primary needs met in Him (Philippians 4:19). Getting there is a process, and even then it is not the end of the journey. In fact the extent to which we enter into all of this, is directly proportional to the way we pursue the things I will be discussing in the coming posts.
In an earlier post entitled “Do you want to be made whole?” (July 2010), I suggested that in the end many answer “no” to this question. Oh we, do want to be whole, but we may not want to pay the price. Many want a quick fix, and give up when things don't immediately fall into place (Mark 4:17). In other cases we just want to get rid of the pain, but we cannot get rid of the pain without dealing with the stuff that needs to be dealt with, the “garbage” that is attached to our lives. Dealing with that garbage inevitably spills over into our relationships, and they may even get worse for a while, some may even end! We may not be willing to push on through when the difficulties come. Becoming whole has a lot to do with establishing wise boundaries in our relationships (knowing when and how to say no without guilt, and knowing when to say yes – establishing personal space). We need to learn to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), but no matter how loving or how gentle we are, others may not want (or be ready) to hear. This is where is it so important to be able to rest in the love and the acceptance that He brings. His Love can bring the security we need to be able to stand firm when we need to. His Word and wise council can show us where to be firm and where to be flexible. Many times we need help. We need His help for sure and we may need the help of a councilor or the healing house ministries that are available in the body of Christ. It is not weakness to know our limitations. It takes courage to admit that we are stuck and need help!
I told at the beginning of this series of posts, of the accident I had with the washing machine. It was really sore for a long time, and for a while I just needed to nurse my shoulder and protect it from the “assaults” of those who wanted to vigorously shake my hand or give me those bone crushing sideways hugs. One of the problems of getting old, is that it is far too easy in situations like this, for the joints to stiffen up, and to loose substantial motion of the said joint. Lifting my arm above my head was painful, but knew that if I was going to get better, I needed to go to the Physio-Terrorist :-). You know “Does this hurt? Does that hurt? I felt like socking him on the jaw and asking him if that hurt him. You will be pleased to know that I restrained myself.
Since it was taking so long for my arm to heal, my Physio-Terrorist suggested that I have an MRI to determine if there was a tear in my rotator cuff. It turned out that “there is a significant tear” in it, and I was strongly advised that I needed surgery. I am not one who easily rejects the Doctors advice. However, I believe that in all these things it is the Lord who should have the last word, and I never felt that this advice was right. So I sought healing through prayer and exercise. What the exercise entailed was finding the right balance between pushing the envelope of pain, but not pushing it too far. If I pushed it too far, I would regress to an earlier stage and it would take too long to get back to the place I had been before pushed too hard. So I had to learn how much pain to endure before I stopped pushing the envelope. I started lifting weights with the first round being a can of beans (14 oz red Kidney beans, mm - beans), went on to three then to 5 lb dumbbells, and finally graduated with 10 lb dumbbells. I find that if I don't exercise regularly with this, I cannot do what needs to be done. I can if I am careful now, shovel snow (not too much - I do it in stages - but so far so good). I was told this and other things would not be possible, but I suspect that most give up far too easily!
As with the physical so with the spiritual. In particular “no pain, no gain” seems to be the operative phrase. Nobody is saying it is easy or without pain. Sometimes in the process of our healing the Lord needs to open up a wound we have been favouring, protecting from further pain by hiding or pretending that it does not hurt, or that we are nor really affected by it. We need to learn to take our troubles to the Lord, to cast all our cares upon Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). We need to learn to “pour out our complaint” into His ear (Psalm 142:2), to let it all out, but not to get stuck there. We need to learn to discern the lies that we have believed about God about ourselves and about others. It is the truth that sets us free, and it is in continuing in His Word, in loving relationship with Him and with others in the body of Christ, that we learn the truths that we need in order to continue the process of becoming free (John 8:31ff).
We will often need help, the help of a pastor or a councilor. In the post mentioned above (Do you want to be made whole) I list a number of different ministries that I know of and trust, who can help us. When we get stuck (and we all get stuck at times) we may need to avail ourselves of such ministries in order to get unstuck.
To say it again, I am not saying any of this is easy, but what I am sure of, is that by following these Biblical principles, and staying in close relationship with Him and our fellow travelers, we will in the final analysis, be able to say that it is worth it all. Let me ask again the implied question “Do you want to be made whole, and are you willing to count and to pay the cost" (Luke 14:28ff)? May the Lord bless you, and give you the courage to change those things you can change, the serenity to accept those things you cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference (serenity prayer - see 17th March 2011). We will be talking about some of these difficult things in the coming posts.
In an earlier post entitled “Do you want to be made whole?” (July 2010), I suggested that in the end many answer “no” to this question. Oh we, do want to be whole, but we may not want to pay the price. Many want a quick fix, and give up when things don't immediately fall into place (Mark 4:17). In other cases we just want to get rid of the pain, but we cannot get rid of the pain without dealing with the stuff that needs to be dealt with, the “garbage” that is attached to our lives. Dealing with that garbage inevitably spills over into our relationships, and they may even get worse for a while, some may even end! We may not be willing to push on through when the difficulties come. Becoming whole has a lot to do with establishing wise boundaries in our relationships (knowing when and how to say no without guilt, and knowing when to say yes – establishing personal space). We need to learn to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), but no matter how loving or how gentle we are, others may not want (or be ready) to hear. This is where is it so important to be able to rest in the love and the acceptance that He brings. His Love can bring the security we need to be able to stand firm when we need to. His Word and wise council can show us where to be firm and where to be flexible. Many times we need help. We need His help for sure and we may need the help of a councilor or the healing house ministries that are available in the body of Christ. It is not weakness to know our limitations. It takes courage to admit that we are stuck and need help!
I told at the beginning of this series of posts, of the accident I had with the washing machine. It was really sore for a long time, and for a while I just needed to nurse my shoulder and protect it from the “assaults” of those who wanted to vigorously shake my hand or give me those bone crushing sideways hugs. One of the problems of getting old, is that it is far too easy in situations like this, for the joints to stiffen up, and to loose substantial motion of the said joint. Lifting my arm above my head was painful, but knew that if I was going to get better, I needed to go to the Physio-Terrorist :-). You know “Does this hurt? Does that hurt? I felt like socking him on the jaw and asking him if that hurt him. You will be pleased to know that I restrained myself.
Since it was taking so long for my arm to heal, my Physio-Terrorist suggested that I have an MRI to determine if there was a tear in my rotator cuff. It turned out that “there is a significant tear” in it, and I was strongly advised that I needed surgery. I am not one who easily rejects the Doctors advice. However, I believe that in all these things it is the Lord who should have the last word, and I never felt that this advice was right. So I sought healing through prayer and exercise. What the exercise entailed was finding the right balance between pushing the envelope of pain, but not pushing it too far. If I pushed it too far, I would regress to an earlier stage and it would take too long to get back to the place I had been before pushed too hard. So I had to learn how much pain to endure before I stopped pushing the envelope. I started lifting weights with the first round being a can of beans (14 oz red Kidney beans, mm - beans), went on to three then to 5 lb dumbbells, and finally graduated with 10 lb dumbbells. I find that if I don't exercise regularly with this, I cannot do what needs to be done. I can if I am careful now, shovel snow (not too much - I do it in stages - but so far so good). I was told this and other things would not be possible, but I suspect that most give up far too easily!
As with the physical so with the spiritual. In particular “no pain, no gain” seems to be the operative phrase. Nobody is saying it is easy or without pain. Sometimes in the process of our healing the Lord needs to open up a wound we have been favouring, protecting from further pain by hiding or pretending that it does not hurt, or that we are nor really affected by it. We need to learn to take our troubles to the Lord, to cast all our cares upon Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). We need to learn to “pour out our complaint” into His ear (Psalm 142:2), to let it all out, but not to get stuck there. We need to learn to discern the lies that we have believed about God about ourselves and about others. It is the truth that sets us free, and it is in continuing in His Word, in loving relationship with Him and with others in the body of Christ, that we learn the truths that we need in order to continue the process of becoming free (John 8:31ff).
We will often need help, the help of a pastor or a councilor. In the post mentioned above (Do you want to be made whole) I list a number of different ministries that I know of and trust, who can help us. When we get stuck (and we all get stuck at times) we may need to avail ourselves of such ministries in order to get unstuck.
To say it again, I am not saying any of this is easy, but what I am sure of, is that by following these Biblical principles, and staying in close relationship with Him and our fellow travelers, we will in the final analysis, be able to say that it is worth it all. Let me ask again the implied question “Do you want to be made whole, and are you willing to count and to pay the cost" (Luke 14:28ff)? May the Lord bless you, and give you the courage to change those things you can change, the serenity to accept those things you cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference (serenity prayer - see 17th March 2011). We will be talking about some of these difficult things in the coming posts.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Healing soul/spirit hurts IV. Switching Fathers, becoming a son and a daughter of God.
We will come back to the following point when we talk about “repairing ... the devastations of many generations” (Isaiah 61:4), but it is easy to dishonour our parents (see Exodus 20:12) when thinking or talking about their deficiencies (or worse). It is far too easy to get stuck in blaming them (or others) for everything that has gone wrong in our lives. On the other hand, it does not honour them to pretend that they were perfect when they were not. No one is perfect (well Jesus was, but He was the only one). When we think on these things it is good to remember that we are not perfect either.
I have a friend who is adopted, and who went through a very difficult stage where he found it very hard to get over the fact that his birth mother was not there for him. It left him with deep feelings of abandonment, rejection and all this seriously affected his self worth. I know of others who are stuck in still trying to please a parent who is unable to show appreciation. Such parents were likely never shown appreciation themselves. If you are relying on things like this to change before you can become whole, you could well have to wait until after you die. In other words its not going to work. I heard one counselor put it this way “You cannot expect the truck that ran you over, to come back and fix you”. In particular, if we are depending on others changing in order to get our needs met, we are not likely to get healed.
When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden (Genesis 3) they hid from God. When the Lord called them to account “Where are you Adam?” Adam answered “I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” This simple phrase contains many of our ailments. We are afraid of rejection, we suffer from shame and we hide, thus finding ourselves in isolation. Jesus came to reverse these things, and to bringing us back to the Father (John 14:6). I hinted earlier that our parents give us our first glimpse of God. But it too easily becomes idolatry. We may even reject God because we subconsciously identify Him with our earthly parents ('if God is like my dad - I don't want any part of Him'). However no matter how good (or bad) our parent were, they are not God, and if we are to become fully whole, we must begin the process of coming out of idolatry. That is we need to start the process of “changing Fathers”. Our Heavenly Father is the only true and faithful guardian of our souls (1 Peter 2:25).
And He has taken the initiative, and continues to take the initiative. So often the trials, difficulties, temptations, rejections, hurts and wounds we receive from simply living life, leave us with an aching orphaned spirit. Even the secular aids to recovery have recognized this orphaned spirit. This can be seen from the proliferation of books, articles and research concerning the “inner child”. Secular Psychology can do much to identify and help us understand what are the problems, but far too often leaves us there with the understanding, but with the inability to do anything about it (see “Psychology without faith is lame”). On the other hand “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (see last months posts). Concerning the debilitating fear of rejection, the Scripture tells us that “Perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18), and the only perfect love is the Love of God. In fact all our ailments find resolution in the intimacy of His embrace. He heals the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1).
Scripture tells us clearly of this initiative of which I speak. “He chose us in him before the creation of the world.... in love... to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ”. In this quotation from Ephesians 1:4,5 there are two verbs we need to take note of. First if you belong to Him (and you can be if you receive His salvation), He wants you to know that you are chosen. He pursued and wooed you to Himself. I remember my own moment of surrender. “I cannot fight you anymore” I told Him. “I am not fighting you Phil” He told me. It was because of, and for love that He pursued me and it is the same reason He pursued or pursues you. What I needed to surrender was my own foolish pride and self sufficiency. In the end my self sufficiency was anything but. Why is it that so often we need to come to the end of ourselves before we will stop hiding from and resisting His love?
The second verb is “adopted”. So He chose, and He adopted you and me (if and when we surrendered our lives to Him). Most of us suffer from some form of rejection, but in the passage quoted above, Paul tells us that God never rejects us. In fact He was thinking about us from the foundation of the World (verse 4 above). Since it was at that time that He chose us we were never rejected by Him. We are in fact “accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6). We are intended to enter into this in our experience of Him. I remember well the testimony of a young woman whose parents had wanted a boy and got her instead. In her encounter with the Father she was given this picture of God rejoicing at her birth, with the Lord himself holding her up wrapped in a pink blanket, to show her off to the angels. Note the colour of the blanket! This experience of the Father's love changed her.
The Father loves you, He really does. He is crazy about you, yes little old you! I don't know why we have such trouble believing this, though I do have some clues. Even when we get it into our heads, it seems to take forever for it to penetrate into our hearts, for us to feel loved. The fact of the matter is, that He has indeed taken the initiative (John 3:16), but we do need to respond. We need to read about it (in His Word) and to believe it. We need to meditate on it, and we need to ask the Father to show us anything in our lives that hinders the closeness of His presence. He has told us that when we seek Him with all of our hearts, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). We do need to respond to Him, even if we do not initially feel anything. He who seeks finds, to him who knocks it will be opened unto him (Matthew 7:8). The feelings will come if we persist. He has promised.
I have a friend who is adopted, and who went through a very difficult stage where he found it very hard to get over the fact that his birth mother was not there for him. It left him with deep feelings of abandonment, rejection and all this seriously affected his self worth. I know of others who are stuck in still trying to please a parent who is unable to show appreciation. Such parents were likely never shown appreciation themselves. If you are relying on things like this to change before you can become whole, you could well have to wait until after you die. In other words its not going to work. I heard one counselor put it this way “You cannot expect the truck that ran you over, to come back and fix you”. In particular, if we are depending on others changing in order to get our needs met, we are not likely to get healed.
When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden (Genesis 3) they hid from God. When the Lord called them to account “Where are you Adam?” Adam answered “I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” This simple phrase contains many of our ailments. We are afraid of rejection, we suffer from shame and we hide, thus finding ourselves in isolation. Jesus came to reverse these things, and to bringing us back to the Father (John 14:6). I hinted earlier that our parents give us our first glimpse of God. But it too easily becomes idolatry. We may even reject God because we subconsciously identify Him with our earthly parents ('if God is like my dad - I don't want any part of Him'). However no matter how good (or bad) our parent were, they are not God, and if we are to become fully whole, we must begin the process of coming out of idolatry. That is we need to start the process of “changing Fathers”. Our Heavenly Father is the only true and faithful guardian of our souls (1 Peter 2:25).
And He has taken the initiative, and continues to take the initiative. So often the trials, difficulties, temptations, rejections, hurts and wounds we receive from simply living life, leave us with an aching orphaned spirit. Even the secular aids to recovery have recognized this orphaned spirit. This can be seen from the proliferation of books, articles and research concerning the “inner child”. Secular Psychology can do much to identify and help us understand what are the problems, but far too often leaves us there with the understanding, but with the inability to do anything about it (see “Psychology without faith is lame”). On the other hand “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (see last months posts). Concerning the debilitating fear of rejection, the Scripture tells us that “Perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18), and the only perfect love is the Love of God. In fact all our ailments find resolution in the intimacy of His embrace. He heals the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1).
Scripture tells us clearly of this initiative of which I speak. “He chose us in him before the creation of the world.... in love... to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ”. In this quotation from Ephesians 1:4,5 there are two verbs we need to take note of. First if you belong to Him (and you can be if you receive His salvation), He wants you to know that you are chosen. He pursued and wooed you to Himself. I remember my own moment of surrender. “I cannot fight you anymore” I told Him. “I am not fighting you Phil” He told me. It was because of, and for love that He pursued me and it is the same reason He pursued or pursues you. What I needed to surrender was my own foolish pride and self sufficiency. In the end my self sufficiency was anything but. Why is it that so often we need to come to the end of ourselves before we will stop hiding from and resisting His love?
The second verb is “adopted”. So He chose, and He adopted you and me (if and when we surrendered our lives to Him). Most of us suffer from some form of rejection, but in the passage quoted above, Paul tells us that God never rejects us. In fact He was thinking about us from the foundation of the World (verse 4 above). Since it was at that time that He chose us we were never rejected by Him. We are in fact “accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6). We are intended to enter into this in our experience of Him. I remember well the testimony of a young woman whose parents had wanted a boy and got her instead. In her encounter with the Father she was given this picture of God rejoicing at her birth, with the Lord himself holding her up wrapped in a pink blanket, to show her off to the angels. Note the colour of the blanket! This experience of the Father's love changed her.
The Father loves you, He really does. He is crazy about you, yes little old you! I don't know why we have such trouble believing this, though I do have some clues. Even when we get it into our heads, it seems to take forever for it to penetrate into our hearts, for us to feel loved. The fact of the matter is, that He has indeed taken the initiative (John 3:16), but we do need to respond. We need to read about it (in His Word) and to believe it. We need to meditate on it, and we need to ask the Father to show us anything in our lives that hinders the closeness of His presence. He has told us that when we seek Him with all of our hearts, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). We do need to respond to Him, even if we do not initially feel anything. He who seeks finds, to him who knocks it will be opened unto him (Matthew 7:8). The feelings will come if we persist. He has promised.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Healing soul/spirit hurts III. Adoption. A different kind of Father.
If you had a father who not only loved you, but valued you enough to nurture and spend time and energy with you, you are lucky indeed. It is a really solid start to life. But no earthly father is perfect. I certainly am not (just ask my children). And this is a problem, since we seem to project onto our heavenly Father, the characteristics of our earthly fathers. I knew that my father loved me, but he did not have time for me. So my view of God was that yes He is loving, but He is also distant. I just confessed to Him (as I write) that I seem at some level, to still be believing this lie. I will come back to this later.
If your experience of your earthly father or mother is negative, you will likely have a lot more to overcome in order for you to allow Father God to come close. Forgiving your earthly father is likely to be difficult, but essential (see "Don't get mad …"). We are also likely to have set up vows that need to be forsaken such as “I will never be like my dad” or “I don't need him”. But our heavenly Father is a different kind of Father, He is the perfect Father.
Just before His crucifixion one of the disciples Philip, asked Jesus to show him the Father. Jesus' reply was “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). So we see the incredible love and compassion and mercy and forgiveness of the Father because we see them in Jesus. Perhaps one the best pictures of the Fatherhood of God is to be found in the parable Jesus told of the prodigal's father. This father after his son had blown his inheritance on prostitutes and the like, ran to him when he saw his son coming home in repentance. And he honours him by giving him the best robe, putting a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet, and throwing a lavish party for him (Luke 15:11ff). We were born for love, born to be the object of Father God's extravagant healing love. But far too often we allow the brokenness of our earthly parents to form a barrier against Him, and we allow the lies of the father of lies to poison us against the one who loved us so much, He sent His one and only Son to die in order that we might be reconciled to Him.
In Romans 5, Paul comments that it is rare for someone to die for a good man, but that Father God “demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. Just think of the incredible value He puts on you responding to Him. He gave what was most precious to Himself, His only Son. They say that market value determines worth. Look at what you are worth to Him. Please do not pass lightly over this. Jesus suffered incredibly and died the most painful of deaths for you and for me. We are meant to respond to this, it is meant to break our hearts. Part of this response is that you and I need to start the process of basing our self worth more on what God thinks of us, than on what others think of us, be it our parents or friends or our culture.
This last thing is important in our healing. More than likely up to this point, you will have allowed the “tapes”, the ongoing thoughts you have about yourself, to have been shaped by the outside. The process of healing involves and includes choosing which thoughts to allow, which thoughts to change and which to throw out. In Bill Johnson's words “I cannot afford to have a thought in my head about me that is not in His”. The reason is that His thoughts about me are positive and empowering, but many of the thoughts we allow are of the very opposite genre.
The communion service, or the Lord's supper as some call it (i.e. Matthew 26:26ff), plays an interesting role here. The feasts of Israel were intended to put His people in remembrance in all that God has done. The communion service is intended to do the same thing, to remind us of the extravagant love that God lavished upon us in His rescue mission. We need to be reminded over and over that God loved you and me so much, that He gave everything for us. We need to meditate upon this love, we need to sing about this love and we need to bask in it. It has the power to change our lives for the good. As one Bible teacher put it, “We need to learn to live loved”.
When we were children we lived from the outside in. We understood who we were by the way the world treated us. We were not equipped to respond any other way. Many times this left us wounded. Now we are adults, we have a choice, we can continue to live from the outside in, continuing to respond to the hurts we have sustained in life, or we can start the process of living from the inside out (Psalm 1:1,2), from the ongoing (John 8:31) affirmation of the Spirit of God who dwells inside of us, the Spirit of Jesus and of the Father whose very essence is love and mercy and truth and joy and peace.
If your experience of your earthly father or mother is negative, you will likely have a lot more to overcome in order for you to allow Father God to come close. Forgiving your earthly father is likely to be difficult, but essential (see "Don't get mad …"). We are also likely to have set up vows that need to be forsaken such as “I will never be like my dad” or “I don't need him”. But our heavenly Father is a different kind of Father, He is the perfect Father.
Just before His crucifixion one of the disciples Philip, asked Jesus to show him the Father. Jesus' reply was “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). So we see the incredible love and compassion and mercy and forgiveness of the Father because we see them in Jesus. Perhaps one the best pictures of the Fatherhood of God is to be found in the parable Jesus told of the prodigal's father. This father after his son had blown his inheritance on prostitutes and the like, ran to him when he saw his son coming home in repentance. And he honours him by giving him the best robe, putting a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet, and throwing a lavish party for him (Luke 15:11ff). We were born for love, born to be the object of Father God's extravagant healing love. But far too often we allow the brokenness of our earthly parents to form a barrier against Him, and we allow the lies of the father of lies to poison us against the one who loved us so much, He sent His one and only Son to die in order that we might be reconciled to Him.
In Romans 5, Paul comments that it is rare for someone to die for a good man, but that Father God “demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. Just think of the incredible value He puts on you responding to Him. He gave what was most precious to Himself, His only Son. They say that market value determines worth. Look at what you are worth to Him. Please do not pass lightly over this. Jesus suffered incredibly and died the most painful of deaths for you and for me. We are meant to respond to this, it is meant to break our hearts. Part of this response is that you and I need to start the process of basing our self worth more on what God thinks of us, than on what others think of us, be it our parents or friends or our culture.
This last thing is important in our healing. More than likely up to this point, you will have allowed the “tapes”, the ongoing thoughts you have about yourself, to have been shaped by the outside. The process of healing involves and includes choosing which thoughts to allow, which thoughts to change and which to throw out. In Bill Johnson's words “I cannot afford to have a thought in my head about me that is not in His”. The reason is that His thoughts about me are positive and empowering, but many of the thoughts we allow are of the very opposite genre.
The communion service, or the Lord's supper as some call it (i.e. Matthew 26:26ff), plays an interesting role here. The feasts of Israel were intended to put His people in remembrance in all that God has done. The communion service is intended to do the same thing, to remind us of the extravagant love that God lavished upon us in His rescue mission. We need to be reminded over and over that God loved you and me so much, that He gave everything for us. We need to meditate upon this love, we need to sing about this love and we need to bask in it. It has the power to change our lives for the good. As one Bible teacher put it, “We need to learn to live loved”.
When we were children we lived from the outside in. We understood who we were by the way the world treated us. We were not equipped to respond any other way. Many times this left us wounded. Now we are adults, we have a choice, we can continue to live from the outside in, continuing to respond to the hurts we have sustained in life, or we can start the process of living from the inside out (Psalm 1:1,2), from the ongoing (John 8:31) affirmation of the Spirit of God who dwells inside of us, the Spirit of Jesus and of the Father whose very essence is love and mercy and truth and joy and peace.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Healing soul/spirit hurts II. Intimacy with God.
Christianity is not first and foremost a bunch or rules, faith is not simply believing a set of statements about God and His nature. No, Christianity is in its essence, a love affair, a great romance with our passionate, loving God. Christianity is the story of Jesus leaving the comfort and perfection of heaven for our sakes, coming down into our mess, affecting a rescue and restoration operation and then taking us for His bride. It is the truth behind the Cinderella story that makes is so appealing. It is a story of spiritual rags to spiritual riches. It is all about Him and what He has done, and our response to it all.
Its a little weird that we men are also His bride, but it is of course a picture of the tenderness of His love rather than a literal reality. The point is that authentic Christianity is all about a love relationship with the God who became one of us in order we might make for Himself a people of His own. Jesus puts it this way “this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). The essence of “life in all its fullness” (John 10:10) is to be in ongoing loving relationship with the God who saves.
One of the most telling New Testament pictures of this relationship we can have with God, is that of marriage. Paul instructs husbands in Ephesians 5:25 to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Then in verse 32 he says that this is a great mystery, but that he speaks concerning Christ and the church. So then faithful intimate marriage is intended to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Since this is the case, we can learn something about what God intends in our relationship with Him from a functional marriage. First and foremost this involves communication. Perhaps one of the best description of prayer is that it is conversation with God. In a functional relationship the couple will talk to each other, and in particular about the important things the things that matter to each other. It is a two way conversation, they will both speak and they both will listen, and this listening will not just be hearing words. A friend of mine described his marriage as “soul touch”. It was his picture of the love, trust and intimacy and reality in their relationship.
For some reason this idea of God communicating with us, is foreign to some. But it is very Biblical. In a September post “You hear from God? And fairies too right?” I explore this, where Jesus talks about His sheep (those who belong to Him) hearing His voice. But there are also many other places where not just speaking, but a deep intimacy are indicated. In the 23rd Psalm we read “You make me lie down in green pastures, you restore my soul" and "Your rod and staff they comfort me”. Peter tells us to cast all our care on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). In the Isaiah passage that heads up this series of posts we read about God's comfort and consolation, and how He will even bring joy out of ashes. Ashes of course speak of something completely destroyed, but everything is fixable in God. I told earlier in a January post (Don't get mad, get even and poison yourself and those you love) of Corrie Ten-Boon and her family interred in a German death camp during the second world war. She writes “There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still”.
In fact is it the difficult times that God uses most to draw us close to Himself. Paul knew of this when he wrote Romans 8:28 “ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”. He spoke from experience. King David would write “When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me” (Psalm 27:10). Such things do not happen without tangible tender love and care. Isaiah paints the picture of Him carrying us as young in his bosom (Isaiah 40:11).
We will need to say more about the part we play in allowing Him to draw us close to Himself in our sufferings. In the meantime, my prayer for you is that you may in all your troubles, experience the both the comfort of God who is the source of God of all comfort, and the presence of God whose very essence is love. He is calling you and I to come close (Matthew 11:28,29).
Its a little weird that we men are also His bride, but it is of course a picture of the tenderness of His love rather than a literal reality. The point is that authentic Christianity is all about a love relationship with the God who became one of us in order we might make for Himself a people of His own. Jesus puts it this way “this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). The essence of “life in all its fullness” (John 10:10) is to be in ongoing loving relationship with the God who saves.
One of the most telling New Testament pictures of this relationship we can have with God, is that of marriage. Paul instructs husbands in Ephesians 5:25 to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Then in verse 32 he says that this is a great mystery, but that he speaks concerning Christ and the church. So then faithful intimate marriage is intended to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Since this is the case, we can learn something about what God intends in our relationship with Him from a functional marriage. First and foremost this involves communication. Perhaps one of the best description of prayer is that it is conversation with God. In a functional relationship the couple will talk to each other, and in particular about the important things the things that matter to each other. It is a two way conversation, they will both speak and they both will listen, and this listening will not just be hearing words. A friend of mine described his marriage as “soul touch”. It was his picture of the love, trust and intimacy and reality in their relationship.
For some reason this idea of God communicating with us, is foreign to some. But it is very Biblical. In a September post “You hear from God? And fairies too right?” I explore this, where Jesus talks about His sheep (those who belong to Him) hearing His voice. But there are also many other places where not just speaking, but a deep intimacy are indicated. In the 23rd Psalm we read “You make me lie down in green pastures, you restore my soul" and "Your rod and staff they comfort me”. Peter tells us to cast all our care on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). In the Isaiah passage that heads up this series of posts we read about God's comfort and consolation, and how He will even bring joy out of ashes. Ashes of course speak of something completely destroyed, but everything is fixable in God. I told earlier in a January post (Don't get mad, get even and poison yourself and those you love) of Corrie Ten-Boon and her family interred in a German death camp during the second world war. She writes “There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still”.
In fact is it the difficult times that God uses most to draw us close to Himself. Paul knew of this when he wrote Romans 8:28 “ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose”. He spoke from experience. King David would write “When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me” (Psalm 27:10). Such things do not happen without tangible tender love and care. Isaiah paints the picture of Him carrying us as young in his bosom (Isaiah 40:11).
We will need to say more about the part we play in allowing Him to draw us close to Himself in our sufferings. In the meantime, my prayer for you is that you may in all your troubles, experience the both the comfort of God who is the source of God of all comfort, and the presence of God whose very essence is love. He is calling you and I to come close (Matthew 11:28,29).
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Corner stone I. Healing soul/spirit hurts
For those of us who have been deeply wounded, there seem to be (at least) two distinct phases to our Christian walk. There are probably more, but I want to talk about two. The first, the one I will be dealing with in today's post, is what I call the intensive care stage. The second one (later posts) is what I call the physiotherapy stage.
In the very early stages of writing my book, I had this accident. Foolishly trying to rescue this runaway washing machine descending concrete steps, I held on, and was flipped right over the top to land on my right shoulder. It is a wonder I am still alive but the Lord had mercy upon me. As we would eventually confirm (by MRI), in addition to sever bruising I sustained a torn rotator cuff. The story of my healing is a story in itself, but what I want to say here, is that for some considerable time, my right arm was neigh on useless. I just needed some TLC - tender love and care, and rest. I could not play my guitar, I could not write properly. I could not write on the board at all. I tried writing on overheads, but it was difficult for my students. There were periods when I needed to keep my arm in a sling. I could not lift my grandchildren. Others had to do things for me, I could not shovel the snow, and I felt not just a little useless.
These wounds of course were physical and, possibly because people could understand this kind of pain, they were at least at some level, sympathetic and willing to make allowances for me. Now physical wounds are not the only wounds that can debilitate us, leaving us functioning way below our natural abilities. Emotional wounds that come from abuse or neglect especially in childhood, can affect us for life if not dealt with.
And we are all wounded at some level, often even more deeply that we even know ourselves. We are also often only dimly aware just how much these wounds affect the way live our lives. It never ceased to amaze me, at the time of my injury, how many vigorous handshakes and bone crushing sideways hugs I received, causing me not inconsiderable pain. I tried to be gracious at such times, for it was clear that no hurt was intended, but I am sure it affected my ability to be my usual cheerful self. If you have a sore thumb and someone brushes up against it, your response is more than likely to be much stronger than if your thumb is not sore. Likewise when we are “sore” emotionally, we are likely to react differently that if we had not been injured. I know one couple for whom sarcasm is the unforgivable sin, and they react strongly in condemnation if it slips out in their presence. I suspect that they were both deeply stung by it in childhood.
If you are lucky enough to have survived this far without some deep sense of loss or betrayal, without anger at how you have been dealt with, if you have received no gross unfairness, nor ever felt deeply misunderstood, if you have received no undeserved punishment, have always received the recognition due to you, have never suffered any form of abuse or neglect, then you will likely have no idea what I am talking about. On the other hand, just perhaps you can relate.
But what do we do with all our hurt? Well these things are crossroads. On the one hand, we can become bitter, and/or withdraw from life, or on the other hand we can allow these things to bring us to the Lord. He wants to use these things to draw us to Himself. In Matthew 11:28,29 He invites “Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. In John 14:27 He promises a peace that the world cannot know. As we read last days post, Jesus by quoting from Isaiah 61, tells us that He came to heal the broken hearted. He came to set us free from prisons of bitterness and the like, He came to comfort us in our mourning, to replace the ashes of our broken lives with the oil of His joy.
We are talking here about the tangible love of God, and about a love that heals. We are talking here about His presence in our lives, we are talking about intimacy with God. We are talking about His total total acceptance of ourselves made possible by “the blood of His cross” (Colossians 1:20). It is meant to heal us and to bring us into community with Him and each other. So we need to find and give this love and acceptance to each other in the community of the rescued, in the fellowship of the delivered. In particular, we need to be patient with each other, especially in the early stages of our emotional healing. We also need to be patient with ourselves! He is committed to our wholeness, but it will not happen over night. His intention is that the process will be the very thing that cements our relationship with Him and each other. This is His desire, this is His passion and His purpose in coming and dying four our sins and our weaknesses.
This then is the "intensive care" stage. He wants to take us deeper and further for sure, but we need time to convalesce, we need to learn to rest in His love. In this process of healing, we may need to be in emotional slings for a while, but we will never outgrow the need for His love and acceptance and comfort and grace and peace. You may have noticed that life is not without its ongoing battles! The good news though, is that He came that we might have life in all its fullness. He wants us to be overcomers, and to walk in victory. He sent the Holy Spirit to comfort and strengthen us. His plan is that in cooperation with Him, we rebuild our broken lives into something beautiful (Isaiah 61:3A), and to leave a legacy to those who come behind, to “repair the desolations of many generations” (Isaiah 61:4).
In the very early stages of writing my book, I had this accident. Foolishly trying to rescue this runaway washing machine descending concrete steps, I held on, and was flipped right over the top to land on my right shoulder. It is a wonder I am still alive but the Lord had mercy upon me. As we would eventually confirm (by MRI), in addition to sever bruising I sustained a torn rotator cuff. The story of my healing is a story in itself, but what I want to say here, is that for some considerable time, my right arm was neigh on useless. I just needed some TLC - tender love and care, and rest. I could not play my guitar, I could not write properly. I could not write on the board at all. I tried writing on overheads, but it was difficult for my students. There were periods when I needed to keep my arm in a sling. I could not lift my grandchildren. Others had to do things for me, I could not shovel the snow, and I felt not just a little useless.
These wounds of course were physical and, possibly because people could understand this kind of pain, they were at least at some level, sympathetic and willing to make allowances for me. Now physical wounds are not the only wounds that can debilitate us, leaving us functioning way below our natural abilities. Emotional wounds that come from abuse or neglect especially in childhood, can affect us for life if not dealt with.
And we are all wounded at some level, often even more deeply that we even know ourselves. We are also often only dimly aware just how much these wounds affect the way live our lives. It never ceased to amaze me, at the time of my injury, how many vigorous handshakes and bone crushing sideways hugs I received, causing me not inconsiderable pain. I tried to be gracious at such times, for it was clear that no hurt was intended, but I am sure it affected my ability to be my usual cheerful self. If you have a sore thumb and someone brushes up against it, your response is more than likely to be much stronger than if your thumb is not sore. Likewise when we are “sore” emotionally, we are likely to react differently that if we had not been injured. I know one couple for whom sarcasm is the unforgivable sin, and they react strongly in condemnation if it slips out in their presence. I suspect that they were both deeply stung by it in childhood.
If you are lucky enough to have survived this far without some deep sense of loss or betrayal, without anger at how you have been dealt with, if you have received no gross unfairness, nor ever felt deeply misunderstood, if you have received no undeserved punishment, have always received the recognition due to you, have never suffered any form of abuse or neglect, then you will likely have no idea what I am talking about. On the other hand, just perhaps you can relate.
But what do we do with all our hurt? Well these things are crossroads. On the one hand, we can become bitter, and/or withdraw from life, or on the other hand we can allow these things to bring us to the Lord. He wants to use these things to draw us to Himself. In Matthew 11:28,29 He invites “Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”. In John 14:27 He promises a peace that the world cannot know. As we read last days post, Jesus by quoting from Isaiah 61, tells us that He came to heal the broken hearted. He came to set us free from prisons of bitterness and the like, He came to comfort us in our mourning, to replace the ashes of our broken lives with the oil of His joy.
We are talking here about the tangible love of God, and about a love that heals. We are talking here about His presence in our lives, we are talking about intimacy with God. We are talking about His total total acceptance of ourselves made possible by “the blood of His cross” (Colossians 1:20). It is meant to heal us and to bring us into community with Him and each other. So we need to find and give this love and acceptance to each other in the community of the rescued, in the fellowship of the delivered. In particular, we need to be patient with each other, especially in the early stages of our emotional healing. We also need to be patient with ourselves! He is committed to our wholeness, but it will not happen over night. His intention is that the process will be the very thing that cements our relationship with Him and each other. This is His desire, this is His passion and His purpose in coming and dying four our sins and our weaknesses.
This then is the "intensive care" stage. He wants to take us deeper and further for sure, but we need time to convalesce, we need to learn to rest in His love. In this process of healing, we may need to be in emotional slings for a while, but we will never outgrow the need for His love and acceptance and comfort and grace and peace. You may have noticed that life is not without its ongoing battles! The good news though, is that He came that we might have life in all its fullness. He wants us to be overcomers, and to walk in victory. He sent the Holy Spirit to comfort and strengthen us. His plan is that in cooperation with Him, we rebuild our broken lives into something beautiful (Isaiah 61:3A), and to leave a legacy to those who come behind, to “repair the desolations of many generations” (Isaiah 61:4).
Friday, April 8, 2011
The corner stones of recovery/becoming whole/sanctification. Isaiah 61:1-4
In this and the coming posts, we will be looking at a Biblical teaching that in many ways has been hidden from the Church for a long time. Over the years God has been restoring much that has been lost. The thief has robbed us of many things, but God is persistent in the restoration business, and He seems to take special delight in revealing things especially at times of great need. As our society become sicker and sicker it becomes more and more important to enter into the restoration, the inner healing that He provides in and through His wider body, His Word and His Spirit. This restoration of lives is a big part of the Gospel. He came to redeem and restore ruined lives. I believe that this is what was intended all along by what theologians call Sanctification, but we failed to fully understand it. It does have to do with the journey to becoming righteous, but it also has to do with entering into the truth that sets us free (truth in the inward parts), with receiving the healing of our broken and fractured hearts, dealing with the influences and habits we have been handed down from our culture and environments and families, and it is being delivered from the oppression (and/or possession) by the devil and his minions.
A key passage in connection with what I want to say is found in Isaiah 61:1-4. We will be coming back to this again and again over the coming days.
1 “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations
Jesus read from this passage (verses 1- 2a) at the very beginning of His ministry, and in effect declares its content as His primary purpose in coming (Luke 4:18-21). He came to heal my broken heart and yours. He came to comfort and bring back the joy that has withered away. He came to restore and renew and rebuild the structures that keep us trapped generation after generation. In the making of disciples (learners), He commits this to us to teach others, to teach others to enter into the anointing (verse 1) and to bring these tools and these principles to the World (Matthew 28:18-20).
To counter the negatives in this desperate hour of our need, God has been revealing principles for our healing, restoration and for advancement of the Kingdom. These can be described in terms of five interrelated foundation stones. All five are contained in various ways in our passage above from Isaiah, and these posts will seek to unpack some the amazing truths of these verses and companion passages. The first corner stone brings hope for the healing of soul/spirit hurts. This involves hearing the good news, healing our broken hearts, bringing comfort, and having our pain replaced by joy. The second corner stone involves uncovering, dismantling and turning from the negative influences in our individual worlds, things inherited, things handed down or that have otherwise impacted us from the outside and rebuilding our lives on the Word of God (repairing ... the devastations of many generations). Of course we inherit good things too, but it can be difficult to see them when you are in deep pain!
The next two foundation stones centre around our bondage. We are all at various levels in prison, many times of our own making. In order to be free from these prisons, we need Him to teach us what King David called “truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6 NKJV). This is what brings true freedom. Jesus told us that as we continue in His Word we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31f). The point is that we are not really free, and that we do not (fully) know the truth. The tenses in Jesus words are progressive. There are, in fact many kinds of prison in which we find ourselves. There are the prisons of our addictions. These more often than not, flow out of our woundedness as our attempts to dull our pain. However with time, these addictions can take on a life of their own. I want to relate this to His intention that we become “Oaks of righteousness” (NIV). The other prison that I want to mention is one the Kelstra's (rtfi.org/) associate with what they call our ungodly beliefs (UGB's), the lies we have (unknowingly) believed, and the part they play in keeping us trapped. Nobody has all the truth, and nobody really understands (Romans 3:11). So then we are all a mixture of truth and error. Many times lies get attached to our woundedness, often at the very time of wounding. It is typical for a victim of abuse to believe that somehow or other it is all their fault. Both the abuse and the lies then lead us into prisons of shame. So cornerstones three and four have to do with dealing with slavery of sin (John 8:34), and dealing with our UGB's.
The final cornerstone we will discuss in these posts is the influence of the daemonic in our lives and our need to be delivered from oppression or worse. Jesus was not ashamed to talk about the daemonic, and we ignore it at our peril (see “You believe in the Devil - give me a break” November 2010).
In restoring these foundational stones to His Church, God has raised up ministries to help us. In closing today's post I want to point to just some of the ministries that tackle parts or all of these foundational truths: rtfi.org/, restoringyourlife.org/, www.elijahhouse.org/, www.leannepayne.org, www.livingwaterscanada.org/. There are many others.
A key passage in connection with what I want to say is found in Isaiah 61:1-4. We will be coming back to this again and again over the coming days.
1 “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations
Jesus read from this passage (verses 1- 2a) at the very beginning of His ministry, and in effect declares its content as His primary purpose in coming (Luke 4:18-21). He came to heal my broken heart and yours. He came to comfort and bring back the joy that has withered away. He came to restore and renew and rebuild the structures that keep us trapped generation after generation. In the making of disciples (learners), He commits this to us to teach others, to teach others to enter into the anointing (verse 1) and to bring these tools and these principles to the World (Matthew 28:18-20).
To counter the negatives in this desperate hour of our need, God has been revealing principles for our healing, restoration and for advancement of the Kingdom. These can be described in terms of five interrelated foundation stones. All five are contained in various ways in our passage above from Isaiah, and these posts will seek to unpack some the amazing truths of these verses and companion passages. The first corner stone brings hope for the healing of soul/spirit hurts. This involves hearing the good news, healing our broken hearts, bringing comfort, and having our pain replaced by joy. The second corner stone involves uncovering, dismantling and turning from the negative influences in our individual worlds, things inherited, things handed down or that have otherwise impacted us from the outside and rebuilding our lives on the Word of God (repairing ... the devastations of many generations). Of course we inherit good things too, but it can be difficult to see them when you are in deep pain!
The next two foundation stones centre around our bondage. We are all at various levels in prison, many times of our own making. In order to be free from these prisons, we need Him to teach us what King David called “truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6 NKJV). This is what brings true freedom. Jesus told us that as we continue in His Word we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31f). The point is that we are not really free, and that we do not (fully) know the truth. The tenses in Jesus words are progressive. There are, in fact many kinds of prison in which we find ourselves. There are the prisons of our addictions. These more often than not, flow out of our woundedness as our attempts to dull our pain. However with time, these addictions can take on a life of their own. I want to relate this to His intention that we become “Oaks of righteousness” (NIV). The other prison that I want to mention is one the Kelstra's (rtfi.org/) associate with what they call our ungodly beliefs (UGB's), the lies we have (unknowingly) believed, and the part they play in keeping us trapped. Nobody has all the truth, and nobody really understands (Romans 3:11). So then we are all a mixture of truth and error. Many times lies get attached to our woundedness, often at the very time of wounding. It is typical for a victim of abuse to believe that somehow or other it is all their fault. Both the abuse and the lies then lead us into prisons of shame. So cornerstones three and four have to do with dealing with slavery of sin (John 8:34), and dealing with our UGB's.
The final cornerstone we will discuss in these posts is the influence of the daemonic in our lives and our need to be delivered from oppression or worse. Jesus was not ashamed to talk about the daemonic, and we ignore it at our peril (see “You believe in the Devil - give me a break” November 2010).
In restoring these foundational stones to His Church, God has raised up ministries to help us. In closing today's post I want to point to just some of the ministries that tackle parts or all of these foundational truths: rtfi.org/, restoringyourlife.org/, www.elijahhouse.org/, www.leannepayne.org, www.livingwaterscanada.org/. There are many others.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Differences are only irreconcilable when we are unwilling to compromise.
In some Christian circles “compromise” is a dirty word. I mean how can you compromise on the truth? “I will swap you a virgin birth for a ...” well you name it, the Deity of Christ, or the inspiration of the Scriptures? I don't think so! I know where they are coming from though, I mean we are told to contend (as in stand up for) the truth (Jude 1:3). We are not of course to be contentious in our contending (2 Timothy 2:24,25). On the other hand “The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him” (Proverbs 18:17). So then part of the problem in our differences, is that we have failed to listen to each other. As Proverbs 27:17 would have it “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Sometimes is just laziness so that we don't want to have to think, so we give pat and shallow answers to complex questions. But thinking deeply about our faith, is part of loving the Lord with all our mind. Another part of the problem is found in our overreaction to the claim by the World that “All truth is relative (see “I don't believe that adultery is wrong” – July 2010). The overreaction I am speaking about is to claim that all truth is absolute, that there is only black and white, there is no gray. The truth of course is that there is black and there is white, and there are shades of gray. One of the tasks in loving the Lord with all of our minds is the ongoing process of discerning what is what in this regard. The longer I am in the Faith, the more sure I am of the basics, and the more I see apparently competing truths that need to be held in tension (see for example “Salvation by Faith, Assurance by Works" December 2010).
But the issue I want to address today has more to do with how we get on with each other. One therapist I know puts it this way “When we are at loggerheads, neither of us us know the truth. Each of us has about 10% of it, the rest can only be found in respectful negotiation” (iron sharpening iron again!). We live in a culture that is intend on “doing it my way”. The result more often than not, is the message we give each other is that it is “my way or the highway”, take it or leave it. And we dig in and build walls and close our ears and eyes to each other's pain.
Not all cultures are like this. In many cultures bargaining and negotiation are part of everyday life, and this spills over positively to negotiation in the issues of life. In the West if you see something you want, but can't afford it, you either overspend or do without. In Africa you would barter and maybe you would get it and maybe not. The difference it that hope is not trounced from the word go. So we need seminars in conflict resolution (not to mention in how to deal with conflict avoidance). We need to see that when we negotiate, we can many times find win – win solutions. There is need for innovation, earnestly seeking to find solutions. We need humility and grace and love and respect. These are Christian virtues and for the believer are part of they help we get as we walk in the Spirit with Him (Galatians 5:22). It is God's primary purpose that we be one in Him, and part of our witness to this wicked and hurting World is that in Him, with His help there are always solutions. We just have to be willing to seek them and to stop insisting on having it all our own way.
Sometimes is just laziness so that we don't want to have to think, so we give pat and shallow answers to complex questions. But thinking deeply about our faith, is part of loving the Lord with all our mind. Another part of the problem is found in our overreaction to the claim by the World that “All truth is relative (see “I don't believe that adultery is wrong” – July 2010). The overreaction I am speaking about is to claim that all truth is absolute, that there is only black and white, there is no gray. The truth of course is that there is black and there is white, and there are shades of gray. One of the tasks in loving the Lord with all of our minds is the ongoing process of discerning what is what in this regard. The longer I am in the Faith, the more sure I am of the basics, and the more I see apparently competing truths that need to be held in tension (see for example “Salvation by Faith, Assurance by Works" December 2010).
But the issue I want to address today has more to do with how we get on with each other. One therapist I know puts it this way “When we are at loggerheads, neither of us us know the truth. Each of us has about 10% of it, the rest can only be found in respectful negotiation” (iron sharpening iron again!). We live in a culture that is intend on “doing it my way”. The result more often than not, is the message we give each other is that it is “my way or the highway”, take it or leave it. And we dig in and build walls and close our ears and eyes to each other's pain.
Not all cultures are like this. In many cultures bargaining and negotiation are part of everyday life, and this spills over positively to negotiation in the issues of life. In the West if you see something you want, but can't afford it, you either overspend or do without. In Africa you would barter and maybe you would get it and maybe not. The difference it that hope is not trounced from the word go. So we need seminars in conflict resolution (not to mention in how to deal with conflict avoidance). We need to see that when we negotiate, we can many times find win – win solutions. There is need for innovation, earnestly seeking to find solutions. We need humility and grace and love and respect. These are Christian virtues and for the believer are part of they help we get as we walk in the Spirit with Him (Galatians 5:22). It is God's primary purpose that we be one in Him, and part of our witness to this wicked and hurting World is that in Him, with His help there are always solutions. We just have to be willing to seek them and to stop insisting on having it all our own way.
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