Eve deceived: The heart of the matter is the heart

If we think we cannot be deceived, we already are. I mean why would the Scriptures tell us not to be deceived (Galatians 6:7),  if it were not possible? The Bible links deception, faith and heart matters together. “Make sure that you do not have an evil unbelieving heart, so that you will not be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:12, 13).  It startled me, to learn that God regards unbelief as evil. But consider that Eve's unbelieving heart (the mind and the emotions) lead to her disobedience (Genesis 3:1-6), that that allowed sin and evil to enter humanity,  and then to quickly escalate exponentially from there (Genesis 4ff).  “Sin’s deceitfulness” is what the World call rationalization. If we want to do something even if it's wrong,  we will find a thousand reasons to tell ourselves why it's okay. It's  called self deception.  'Been there, done that,  bought the T-shirt!

Consider also Jesus' Words that evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander, that all these things  originate in the heart (Matthew 15:19).  There is evidence that thoughts lead to actions, that actions lead to habits, and habits form our character. Perhaps this is why Jesus tells us that looking at a woman lustfully is the same as committing adultery (Matthew 5:28). Interestingly, we have learnt through Dr. Caroline Leaf (Youtube) and others, that every thought has an emotion attached, and that persistent thoughts carve out neural pathways in the brain. Positively,  neural pathways produce shortcuts in the brain that allow humanity the incredible skills we have,  such skill as reading or playing musical instruments etc. Negatively they lead to addictions, and emotions,  such as anger,  are amplified and established as recurring patters simply by our obsessing on things. Who would have known the Bible understood all this thousands of years ago?

We are warned to guard our hearts diligently, and to do so because out of the heart flow the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23). In particular we need to declare war in negativity. The believer is not left without help in this area. Based on Romans 8:13 and Galatians 5:24 I have often prayed “Lord help me to do my part in putting to death the deeds and the desires of the sinful nature.” We are to do these things “by the Spirit.”  In particular self control is part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23). And the fruit grows as we abide in the vine of His love  (John 15:5, 9).  I am reminded of a recovering saying here “half measures availed us nothing.” It seems to me that there is no one more miserable than a half committed believer.  We can't even enjoy our sin! Paul would say that Christ died in order that those of us who live should no longer live for ourselves, but for Him who died for us and rose again (2 Corinthians 5:15).


Father, one little transgression and the world was plunged into sin. If You are not Lord of all, You are not Lord at all!  As to deception Father,  Your Word is living and powerful, and sharper than any double edged sword. It discerns the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). So Lord, please help us Lord to hide Your Word in our hearts so that we might not sin against You (Psalm 119:11). Truly the heart of the matter is the heart. With Your help Lord, we commit to keep it with all diligence,  in Jesus Name Amen

Death: The last enemy

God had told Adam and Eve that in the day they ate the forbidden fruit they would die.  Nevertheless they ate (Genesis 2:17; 3:6). And whether you understand this as spiritual death (c.f. Ephesians 2:1), or if you understand day as a season (as in my father's day), they did indeed die (start to die) on that day! We don't like to think about of death, but we cannot avoid it, since we all die. The good news however (the gospel), is that Jesus has conquered death and tells us “He (she) who has faith in Me, though they may die, they shall live”  (John 11:25, 26).

It was God's intention that mankind should live forever and never die. That is why He placed the tree of life in paradise (the garden 2:9).  But paradise would not be paradise if sin were present. In fact, to live forever and ever in a sinful state, would be a form of hell. And so after Adam and Eve had, by their free choice, embraced sin, it was necessary for them to be expelled from paradise “lest he eat of the tree of life, and live forever” (3:22). If it seems harsh, it's because very few of us realize either the seriousness of sin, or the holiness of God. The point, is than in our denial and rationalization we tend to minimize and excuse our wrong doing. But He is God, and He sets the standard as perfection. That is why just one disobedience brought death. We may not like it, but we don't get to set the rules.  Over against this however,  He has provided a way for us to cheat death, and to live both fullness of life in the here and now, and pleasures forevermore in paradise (1 Peter 3:18; John 10:10b; Psalm 16:11; Revelation 21:4).

We probably know people who hate God. And actually, many who deny His existence, are probably just mad at Him. But we have all sinned, and in our minimizing and excusing, we likely don't realize that sin makes us enemies of God (Romans 3:23; 5:10).  But  even while we were His enemies, God demonstrated His tangible love for us by sending His Son to die as a substitute,   the righteous One for we the unrighteous. In this way He was able to be both just, and yet able reconcile us to Himself (Romans 3:26, 5:8, 10; 1 Peter 3:18). Famously “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever puts his faith in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). Putting our faith in Him involves repenting (Mark 1:15). It's about changing our mind about sin, and choosing to no longer live for ourselves, but for Him who loved us and gave Himself for us (2 Corinthians 5:15). When we receive Him in this way He adopts us as His children  (John 1:12; 1 John 3:1).

Thank You Lord that You showed Your power over death by raising Jesus from the dead (Romans 1:4).  Thank You too for Your promise that those who put their trust in You will also be raised to life (1 Corinthians 15:29).   Thank You Lord that our last enemy death will  itself be destroyed (1 Corinthians 15:26). Indeed there will be neither death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There will be no more pain (Revelation 21:4), and we will be with You forever in paradise (1 Thessalonians 4:17). For these and many other things we praise and thank You Lord,  in Jesus Name Amen

Peer pressure: She gave, he ate

Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit, she offered it to Adam,  and he ate (Genesis 3:1-6). Eve was deceived, but Adam was not (1 Timothy 2:14).  Adam knew full well what he was doing was wrong,  and he also knew the consequences “the day you eat of it you will die.”  But he did it anyway.  We need to consider Adam's unenviable dilemma here. What was he going to do? Was he going to tell her she was wrong,  and risk a breach in the relationship?  A line from a song from my youth comes to mind “two lovely black eyes,“ oh what a surprise. Only for telling a gal she was wrong, two lovely black eyes!”  Which one of us,  at one time or another,  has not reacted the way Adam did? It's called peer pressure.

I have noticed that by and large Anglican seminaries produce Anglicans, Baptist seminary produce Baptists, Pentecostal seminaries produce Pentecostals etc.  Likely there are a multitude of reasons, but a big part of it is surely the pressure to fit in, the need to not be different.  But it's not just faith communities where this sort of thing happens. It is widespread in people groups,  and in society in general. We see it in political circles, we see it in academia.  If you think outside the box, you are likely to be ostracized (I speak from experience). We see it in the helping professions and in Psychology which, contrary to Science,  have clearly bowed at times to politically correct ideology. It is changing, but it is not that long ago,  that traditional and chiropractic medicine were mortal enemies. This last phenomenon is described well by David Berlinski. He said that most people think that what they are doing is the most important thing in the world, even if it's rolling cigars in Havana!

But perhaps the most disturbing phenomenon related to peer pressure is the cancel culture, where people are dismissed from jobs or banned in various ways,  for saying something that does not conform to politically correct doctrine. Rick Warren has put his finger on what lies behind this when he says  “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you must agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”  Jesus is our supreme example here. When they brought Him the woman taken in adultery He did not condemn her, but speaking the truth in love, You told her to go and sin no more (John 8:1-11; Ephesians 4:15).

These same lies lie behind the persistent attack on free speech, and the growing public support for its abolition. The Scripture speaks to this when it says “The first to speak seems to be right until his neighbour comes and examines him” (Proverbs 18:17). But if his neighbour is not allowed to examine him,  the error will remain unchallenged. What ever happened to “I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” We cannot allow simple disagreement to be labeled hate speech.

Holy Spirit please lead us away from situations where like Eve we are drawn away and deceived. And when we encounter peer pressure please give us the wisdom and the courage to know when and where and how to speak the truth in love in Jesus Name Amen

The Fall: “When the woman saw

that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate” (Genesis 3:6).  It was the perfect storm for Eve. The Serpent had cast doubt onto what God had said (verse 2), told her an outright lie (“you will not surely die” – verse 5), and she was hit with a stronghold of temptations. It consisted of a combination of three interdependent, familiar temptations.  John identifies them as “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.” He adds they are “not of the Father but of the world” (1 John 2:16).

The word lust here has to do with a strong desire or craving, unrestrained passion, especially for what is forbidden.  The lust of the flesh then, is anything that caters to our to the worldly nature. It was “good for food!”  We need food of course, but lust for food leads to gluttony and drunkenness. More generally it is talking about all bodily appetites.  Sexual lust is certainly there, but it includes all that is connected with indulgence,  unbridled passion, anger, rage, jealousy etc.  Much of the world lives for little more than this.

“It was pleasant to the eyes:” The lust of the eyes is about all that appeals to the eyes; the things money can buy;  things of beauty that inflame us.  Other things that come to mind include clothes, jewellery, gorgeous homes,  furniture, cars, boats, yachts etc.  The words translated here as pleasant and desire (verse 6) and also covet,  are very close in the Hebrew. To covet is to desire in a bad sense of out of control selfish desire. “Do not to covet” is one of the ten commandments of course (Exodus 20:17). In the New Testament, covetousness is called idolatry (Colossians 3:5).

The pride of life (“desirable to make one wise”),  is literally "arrogant assumption," boasting, the thirst for honour and applause, high titles etc. (Matthew 23:6).  As already mentioned, the serpent had tempted Eve “You will be like God” (3:5). The wisdom Eve was desiring from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, was forbidden (2:17). James tells us the wisdom that comes from “envy and self-seeking in our hearts, does not come from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.”  He says “where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy” (James 3:14-17). This was not the wisdom Eve was desiring. It is worth asking ourselves what do we desire (lust after)!

Father, echoing “the day that you eat of it you will die,” we read that  the mind set on the sinful nature is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:5, 6). This side of the fall in order to have life, we need with the help of the Spirit, to put to death both the deeds and the desires of the sinful nature (Romans 8:13; Galatians 5:24). Thank You again Lord that when we do these things, You work both in our desires, and in the wherewithal to do  Your will  (Philippians 2:12, 13). We have all blown it Lord! Thank You for forgiveness when confess (1 John 1:9).   For these and many other things we give You thanks and praise in Jesus Name Amen

You will be like God

As I was meditating on this phrase from the story of the Serpent beguiling Eve (Genesis 3:1-5), William Ernest Henley's poem Invictus, came to mind.  The last line reads “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.”  Being made in God's image (Genesis 1:26),  mankind has enormous gifts and potential, and what we have achieved is nothing less than spectacular. Most of us fail to reach our God given potential however, and if the poem encourages you to do your very, very best, I can only say “go for it – seize the day!”  But actually being God like in that I am in control of my fate?  You have to be kidding!

Quite apart from the more obvious things that affect us, like the weather, or the tides (shades of King Canute), there's a lot of other things over which we have little, or no,  control.  Johny Baker (“Life's Healing Choices”), lists several areas where we try to exercise control, and at various levels fail (unless you are in denial!).  We try to control what other people think about us,  by both limiting what we allow them to see, and by wearing masks to cover our weaknesses and hidden addictions. We try to control other people through manipulation, anger, or punishing silences, and we reap shallowness of relationships as a result. We try to control our behaviour and our problems. But with Paul we do what we don't want to do, and don't do what we want to do (Romans 7:19). We try to control our pain, especially our emotional pain. We medicate it, run from it, deny it, try to postpone it.  No we are not in control, and it's really very scary!

Pride was the Devil's sin.  He said “I will be like the Most High” (Isaiah 14:14). It is also ours! I got angry years ago, when told that pride was a sin. I wonder why! I was full of pride,  I was full of, well lots of things! It wasn't the kind of pride that gives us satisfaction of a job well done. It was the kind that expresses itself as “Nobody is going to tell me what to do, not you, not the Law, not even God!”

It was trying to play God!  But that can also come out of seemingly good motives. I want to help people, I want to help them change their toxic behaviour. I learned the hard way that the only person I have the possibility to change is me, and that most people don't want advice. I have had to resign as the caretaker of the universe on a number of occasions! I am not God, I have limits, and when I try to live as if I do not, I am in essence playing God.  I also found out that I can actually do a lot more when I surrender,  day by day,  moment by moment,  to His will and leading.  I also found that this is what satisfies me, brings peace, hope and meaning to life. Who knew that His way would be best?

Father,  please forgive us for all the ways we try to pay God. Thank You for forgiveness and cleansing. Please show us any area that still needs to be surrendered to You,  and brought under your Lordship. Thank You Lord,  that You who began this good work in us, will keep right on doing it until that day we see You face to face (Philippians 1:6) in Jesus Name Amen

Temptation: Has God really said, ‘You shall not eat

of every tree of the garden’ (Genesis 3:1)? “In the day that You eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you will surely die (Genesis 2:17).  Temptation, is a universal experience. James tells us that we are tempted when we are drawn away by our own desires and enticed (James 1:14).  But drawn away from what? Last day we were saying that the essence of life,  both life eternal and in all its fullness, is in relationship with God.  Since all wrong doing (sin),  separates us from Him (Isaiah 59:2), we are primarily drawn away from His presence.  But also, since the one who sins becomes addicted to sin, and only the truth sets us free (John 8:34, 32), then we are also drawn away from truth.  Finally, we are also drawn away from the  protection of obedience “you will surely die” (Genesis 2:17).

There has to be something attractive to entice us (entrap, catch us as with a bait), or we would not be tempted. Few of us are tempted to eat dirt! But let's not pretend that there is no pleasure in sin. It is however both fleeting (Hebrews 11:25),  and addictive. Being tempted is not sin,  in and of itself. However, it too easily leads to the next stage that “desire conceives and then gives birth to sin” (James 1:15).  How many of us have flirted with the darkness?  Hormones are aroused,  and in our imagination we contemplate the delight of what it would be like.  This is so dangerous, Jesus could declare that we have already committed adultery in our hearts (Matthew 5:28).

I knew some of the things I was doing were wrong. I either didn't know, or didn't care (until I did) about the law of sowing and reaping (Galatians 6:7), that is bad choices have bad consequences. But I kept bumping up against the reality that this is how it is. It was certainly not the abundant life (John 10:10b)! James' teaching concludes with “and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”  We will talk more about this means.  In the meantime,  we might not like the way the universe is, but it is what it is, and it was designed to bring us to repentance, to our turning from sin,  and embracing the the free gift of life (Mark1:15).

In the end the choice is simple, we either choose life, or we choose death. But the Serpent is a deceiver, and he uses doubt and temptation (enticement) as a kind of pincer movement on our senses. We can choose what we think we want, but no matter how hard we try,  we cannot choose to not suffer the consequences of our choices.  And many times we try very hard, even denying the pain, but in reality, we suffer even more. The consequences are intended to bring us back into our right mind, and into the arms of the Father (Luke 15:17-20). For many of us,  we were not willing to change until the pain of those consequences became greater than the fear and pain of change.

Father, we thought that doing what we wanted to do,  was freedom. But as Jesus said,  the one who sins is addicted to sin. On the other hand true freedom is found in continuing in Your word, meditating on it and obeying it (John 8:31-34).  True freedom is being able to choose to not do what harms us. Thank You for the truth of Your Word  in Jesus Name Amen

Did God really say (Genesis 3:1): Doubt and Faith

Have you ever heard it said that if you happened to have been born in a different part of the world,  you would be of a different faith? A little simplistically the word is divided in two, those who tend to accept whatever they are told about God without question, and those who are skeptical of everything to do with Him. For various reasons, many in the first group transition to the second! But then there are also those in both groups who transition to a more reasoned faith. For this third group, doubt plays an important role.  In many circles doubt is regarded as the enemy, but as Oz Guinness writes (“In two minds”) this is “to fail to see the positive results, such as detecting error. Even more crucial, however, is the need for one to be able openly to face doubt and to work toward resolution rather than to suppress it, and suffer the attack of a more foreboding power at a later time.”

Working towards resolution, is not something we do well. We need to take our time, and be suspicious of those who have an answer to every question. We need to admit it when we don't know. Many have embraced inadequate and unconvincing answers which do disservice to the Kingdom.  It has taken me nearly fifty years, to arrive where I am, in these early chapters of Genesis. And honestly, there are still things I need to work through!

The Bible defines faith as “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). We do not arrive there by reason, but if we are to give “a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15), then we will certainly need to work through our doubts. It is a process. In his response to the criticism that all faith is blind Schaeffer has the following illustration. You are on the Matterhorn and a cloud comes down. The Matterhorn is a mountain in the Swiss Alps. It is notorious for climbers dying when the clouds descend, for they are unable to find their way down. Schaeffer tells after the cloud comes down that you hear a voice saying “I saw you when the cloud came down.  There is a ledge ten feet below you and if you jump, I can lead you down  from there.” Schaeffer suggests you might want to check out the voice,  ask questions. “Do you live here, have you climbed before?” If you get satisfactory answers you will still need to make a leap of faith, but it will be an informed leap.” I like to add  that yes it would be a leap of faith, but you will not be left wondering for the rest of your life if it was real. Either the ledge is there or not!  We are meant to experience the reality of God, in fact “The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God” (Romans 8:16). 


Father,  one of the idols of the West is rationality, and while we know by reason, we also know by intuition and  experience.  And someone with an experience of You Lord,  is not at the mercy of  someone with with a theory or a theology. We are meant to know You. In fact eternal life is all about knowing You (John 17:3).   Adam and Eve did,  in Jesus Name Amen

Enter the serpent stage left

“Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made” (Genesis 3:1). If we get hung up on whether the serpent is literal or allegorical,  we will miss the drama here. The stage is set, what was created was very good (1:31). Adam and Eve in paradise were given just one prohibition – don't eat from the one tree (2:16). Well you know what's going to happen. And part of the drama is that Eve in her innocence, is sure she's okay.

Whatever your understanding of this passage,  the Bible makes it clear that he's very real this “great dragon, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan,  who deceives the whole world” (Revelation 12:9). He is the ultimate source of evil,  and his just end is sure (20:10). C.S. Lewis says “There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and un-healthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors.”  My African brothers and sisters have absolutely no doubt he's real, they have seen his power. They also know the believer has been given authority over him and his devils (Luke 10:19).

When we are not aware of his schemes, he has a field day planting thoughts into our hearts and minds. I think it likely that most of our negative self talk originates with him. He speaks in the first person “I am a looser,” causing us the think that such thoughts are our own. Have you ever been glad that others are not mind readers, because if anyone knew some of your thoughts, you would die? I have learned to disown such thoughts, take them captive, and cast them out (2 Corinthians 10:5)!  The problem of course, is that thoughts so often lead to action, bitter thoughts for example,  leading to getting even.  

Paul Tournier has suggested that the human heart is full of contradictions, that it never grasp more than a part of the truth, and that part of the truth is then generalized as if it were absolute. We are at the same time full of doubt and uncertainty,  while also being fully   convinced that we are right,  and everybody else wrong! I was first aware of this in others, then the Lord showed it to me, in me. I mean what were the chances that I alone among humans had escaped  self deception (one in seven billion?). They say the most common form of denial,  is the denial that I'm in denial. The Bible puts it this way “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it”  (Jeremiah 17:9)?

Father, I am remembering this morning the time I had murder in my heart. What is scary Lord is that even now I'm not at all sure I would not have followed through if I thought I could have gotten away with it! Then You showed me that I was far from innocent in that relationship. I had allowed the deceiver to deceived me big time. And I realize now Lord,  that that realization simply scratched the surface of the depth of deception of my heart, for “Who can know it?” We see it in others Lord, help us to see it in ourselves,  and so to flee to You for refuge and be saved,  and changed (Hebrews 6:18; Romans 12:2) in Jesus Name Amen

 Blueprint VI: Body, soul and spirit

There is much in the secular and faith based literature to help us in our relationship difficulties. But many times our difficulty are less  about knowing what to do, but rather doing it (Romans 7:18).  Paul describes this inability as our being dead in trespasses and sins. But then though the new birth, God has made us “alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:1, 5). Our spirit is made alive, because the Spirit of God comes and dwells in us (2 Corinthian 1:22). And when we are lead by His Spirit, He comes and works in us. What that means is that together with Him we are able to do what without Him we cannot do (Galatians 5:16; 4:13). Long story short, many of the things we need to do, and do well in relationships in general, and in the marriage relationship in particular, are only possible when we fully embrace the help that comes through partnership with the Holy Spirit. Which one of us truly loves well?

God has already provided the believer with everything he or she needs to live life in all its fullness (2 Peter 1:3; John 10:10b).  Salvation is free (Ephesians 2:8, 9), but tapping into everything He has for us, will cost us everything we are and have. Only living sacrifices experience transformation from glory to glory (Romans 12:1, 2; 2 Corinthians 3:18). There are promises to be claimed.  One is that when we work all this out with fear and trembling, He works not only in the wherewithal (the grace) to do His will, but also work in those stubborn , often debilitating emotions to bring them too into line (Philippians 2:12, 13).

The grace of which I speak is particularly important when we are wrestling with such things as bitterness and resentment. If we don't deal with these things, particularly with our parents, this bitterness will poison all relationships (Hebrews 12:15). In it will also sabotage our bonding.  If we are having difficulty to forgive, we need His grace, and we need Him to work in our emotions. Again it all starts with absolute surrender.

Since we are talking largely in the context of marriage we also need to understand that the believer is forbidden to marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). God's instructions are as always for our provision and protection, and the following illustration expresses well the danger of mixed marriages.  Our relationship to God and each other is pictured with God at the top of a triangle, and ourselves on opposite sides of the base. The point is,  that we both move closer to God, then we move closer to each other.  But if one has that as our primary goal,  but the other does not then we will actually get further apart.  And the believer is then left with a choice, and sadly what so often happens is the believer stops growing. Our bonding of course will also be missing the important spiritual component.  Paul gives separate instructions for those for whom this admonition comes too late, or if in the meantime one  of the two becomes a believer  (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).

Father,  there is much truth in the saying that without God man cannot,  without man God will not. Most of the time You will not do for us what we can do for ourselves, that would be enabling. But You  will help us with things we cannot do on our own. Indeed we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). For these,  and many other things,  we give You thanks and praise in Jesus Name Amen

Naked, and not ashamed: Openness and vulnerability

“They were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). In seeking to understand the deeper truths of Scripture, we need to note carefully what it says, but then also to ask what it means. And there's always more. In particular, there's more here than physical nakedness.  After talking about how the Word of God penetrates even to the thoughts and intents of the heart,  the writer to the Hebrews says “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (4:12, 13).  Can you imagine standing before the all seeing eyes of God, knowing that He knows everything you ever said, did or even thought, the good, the bad and the ugly, and yet have no sense of either guilt or shame? This was Adam and Eve before the fall.  And because of the mysterious work of Jesus Christ on the cross,  you and I can have this too (John 3:16; Isaiah 61:7). It's one of the benefit of the cross, but it is not automatic.  There's more to say!

But none of this is in view here in Genesis, rather the verse points to the innocence, openness, vulnerability and intimacy that Adam and Eve had with God,  and with each other before the fall. It also gives a clue as to what we are praying for,  when we pray Kingdom of God come on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10).  Researcher Dr. Brene Brown has deep insight into vulnerability and shame. She I defines vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure and uncertainty.  She declares that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather it is our most accurate measurement of courage.  For most of us our experience of being vulnerable was not safe. But vulnerability, Dr Brown tells us, is the birthplace of innovation and creativity and change (i.e. growth – search Youtube)!

Openness, vulnerability and intimacy is, of course,  what we want (need) in the  marriage relationship. And when we come to the place where we think we have found Mr/Mrs right, what Danny silk calls the “la la factor” comes into play. You know the rose coloured glasses with which we see each other, and as a consequence, let down all boundaries.  Then,  when reality kicks in (usually after marriage),  and we start to see brutal truth that our partner is trouble (you are too by the way),  then the sense of betrayal goes deep. It's one of the reasons why so many divorces are so nasty,  and bitter.  One of the goals in Dany Silk's “Defining the Relationship” course, is to help couples get past the “la la factor” and get real.  This side of the fall,  all relationships are hard. And unless we are willing to do the hard work of what the Bible describes as “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17), our relationships are bound to fail. Iron sharpening iron,  is the picture the Bible paints of the refining process that takes place as, without blame or judgement, we lovingly work through our faults and differences.  

Father, for most of us, even the mention of shame brings anxiety. Thank You Lord for Your assurance that though we are flawed, yet we are fully accepted in the beloved (Romans 3:23; Ephesians 1:6).  Let the truth and reality of this sink deep into our hearts Lord. Then give us the courage to start the process of living in openness and vulnerability in Jesus Name Amen

Three Biblical “loves”

Although I was not following Him at the time,  nevertheless at age sixteen I heard His voice (John 10:27). Somehow I knew it was Him, I just knew! What I heard was “Why are you running away from me Phil, all I want you to do,  is to love for Me?” In the brashness of youth I replied “I don’t need you for that!” It would be another twelve years before I heard Him again. In the meantime I discovered that the love I thought I had,  was a very selfish love. It was all about me,  and I eventually reaped the fruit of that selfishness (Galatians 6:7), including a broken heart.

Our modern culture essentially equates love with sex. But there are three different Bible words,  all translated 'love' in English.  A little over simplistically (but see C. S. Lewis’ “Four Loves”),  the first is agape.  It's the unconditional love with which God so loved the World,  that He sent His son at incredible cost to Himself, to save us (John 3:16). Next there is phileo (Philadelphia is the city of brotherly – delphos, phileo - love). It is affectionate, friendship love. Finally there is eros.  We get our word erotic from this,  and for our purposes, we can think of it as sexual love.

As mentioned earlier, there's a reason for the order leave, cleave, one flesh in God's blueprint for marriage (Genesis 2:24).  And it's related to the three loves. You see when we engage in eros love before we have properly bonded in phileo love,  our phileo - friendship love - is stunted. I mean it's all about the sex! And when the “honeymoon” is over we'll have little to fall back on. How many people have I heard say “Sex ruined the relationship!” I mean hot baths cool quickly! Developing phileo love, is about learning to appreciate things about each other, establishing what we have in common, and working through things that have the potential to divide us (Proverbs 27:17). It is much easier to do this before  “one flesh” bonding. Here's a little experiment, try to think of something good about someone you have a problem with.  Perhaps I should speak for myself,  but I find it hard. I'm saying if, with our intended life long mates,  we've not taken time to develop philoe love, we'll pay for it one way or the other.

Regarding my own first sexual encounter, though unaware of it at the time, I was seduced. It wasn't exactly hard though! And though we dated for years, sex was really the only thing we had in common.  It held me captive (John 8:34). She finally got tired of waiting for me to marry her, and went off with another. And though I knew she was never intended for me, nevertheless the breaking of that first eros bond, left me with a broken heart!

Lord Jesus, You command us to (agape) love one another as You have loved us with Your unconditional agape love (John 15:12). I don't have in me to do this Lord, but You never command something without giving us the wherewithal (the Grace) to do it. My part is to abide in You, in total surrender and obedience, bringing my will into conformity with Yours (verses 9, 10). It's the intended normal Christian life, but so few live it!  No wonder the world's not listening (John 13:35). I repent this morning Lord, and I receive Your forgiveness and Grace to be all I can be in You, in Your precious name Amen.

God’s blueprint for marriage IV: One Flesh

One of the ways the Bible speaks about sexual intimacy is becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24).  The modern world tends to see sex as something purely physical, and clearly, as with a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:16),  it can be little more than that. But God's intention is for something far greater, far more intimate. Today sex is seen as only a little more significant, than a kiss.  Multiple sexual liaisons are seen as quite normal, giving rise to such movies as “The 40 year old virgin.” Some have asked if it is even possible!

Years ago I was speaking to a young woman who came from a home where there was widespread sexual abuse of both her and her sisters, and her brothers. I remember saying that most of us believe we come from normal homes,  even when they are severely dysfunctional. She agreed with me concerning her own home. So what is normal? What is normal in the movies today was considered pornography only a few short years ago. Likewise yesteryear the “freedom” with which we jump in and our of bed with each other, would be regarded as abnormal, as it is among puffins! But actually such “freedom,” it's not really freedom at all (John 8:34, 32). In fact,  every time we engage in, and break “one flesh relationships,” the bonding God intended His gift to be is weakened.  In particular, when we have developed illicit sexual appetites, they don't diminish just because we get married! There are many negative consequences, for example strings of broken hearts and relationships, and a multitude of fatherless children.There is evidence of life long trauma in the adult offspring of one flesh breakups.

Now God is not against sex, He invented it, and gave it to us as a precious and beautiful gift. But if we are to follow His blueprint, it is to be used only in a life long one man, one woman relationship within marriage. We are to leave father and mother, cleave to our spouse, and only then become one flesh (Genesis 2:24; Acts 15:29).  And He gave these instructions for our provision,  and protection. Likely in this climate of this pseudo, hyper, sexuality, 99% of us have blown it in this area, I did! But like the recovering alcoholic I can say, without hypocrisy,  please don't do what I did, it will cause you and others, endless pain.  

Too late? There is forgiveness of course (1 John 1:9), but the consequences remain. I can ask forgiveness for getting someone pregnant, but she will still be pregnant! This brings me to the deeper truth behind the one flesh picture. We need to see it as a kind of soul and spirit crazy glue, so that it cannot be broken without me leaving something of myself in her, and her leaving something of herself in me.  In recover circles we call this an ungodly soul tie. There are prayerful procedures for breaking such ties  (google ungodly soul ties)

Father thank You for Your wonderful gift of sexuality. Most of us have abused it Lord and I for one repent this morning. Thank You for forgiveness!  The sex urge is very strong Lord, so help us to not abuse Your forgiveness. Help us Lord, wherever it is possible without causing harm, to make amends, thus bearing fruit worthy of repentance. Thank You Lord that if we press into You, You will restore the years of destruction that the “locusts” have eaten (Joel 2:25) in Jesus Name amen

God’s blueprint for marriage III: Cleave

The world has abandoned marriage in droves, it's because it is so difficult. The disciples response to Jesus' strict teaching on divorce was “If such is the case, it's better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). One major thing that gets in the way of bonding  (the 'cleave' in in our leave, cleave, one flesh discussion) is the will. Those pesky irreconcilable differences that are blamed for the break up of so many marriages, are really about a clash of wills. A recently divorced woman once told me “I can now paint my door red!” This was likely a symptom of a deeper clash of wills. The controversial passage on marriage in Ephesians 5 is preceded by the admonition for us to submit “to one another in the fear of the Lord” (verse 21).  

Yes it is difficult and it's getting worse. Part of this,  is that there has been a major shift in Western culture over the last few decades. In particular we're a lot less tolerant. After WWII,  parents wanted better than they had had, for their children. And to be honest from baby boomers on, whether we want to admit it,  we have essentially been spoiled. A hundred years ago life was all about survival, about putting food on the table, and a roof over our head. We didn't have time for squabbles about our petty rights.  As for micro aggression – it was overshadowed by the macro aggression of the nations.  Dealing with micro aggression in that generation would have been the equivalent of swatting mosquitos.  When you are concerned about if the children have enough to eat,  the colour of the door is irrelevant!

Long story short, our concern with what we want,  and want now, with our expectations and rights, these things have overtaken the survival mode of yesteryear. Now it's all about me, I, me, mine! We have become a culture with a sense of entitlement, a sense that the world owes us.

Another part of the problem, is that we don't know what we don't know. In particular we don't know (are in denial about) how unreasonable our expectations are. But not only do we not know this,   we don't know when the dragons of our 21st Century sense of entitlement will erupt and sabotage the bonding in any, and all our relationships. There is a widespread spirit of offence.

Thankfully, there is a solution. It starts with choosing, with His help,  to put to death the deeds and the desired of the selfish sinful nature  (Romans 8:13; Galatians 5:24). The normal Christian life is about being transformed from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). There are many resources to help that we need to take advantage of (both before and after marriage).  But we also need to covenant with each other that divorce is not an option, and covenant to work through the issues.  Marriage is God's primary tool to make us like Christ.

Father, we have been immersed in this sense of entitlement for so long it feels normal. And it deeply affects our relationships even, or perhaps especially with You. We are made for relationship (Genesis 2:18), but these things prevent any but superficial ones. You love us Lord and want the best for us. As we seek with Your help to cleave, we surrender all, and ask You to help us do our part in being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) in Jesus Name Amen