A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city

....  And contentions are like the bars of a castle (Proverbs 18:19).  I think we need to think of “brother,” at least before the contention, as someone close.  An unkindness, injury or betrayal, real or imagined, is so much more difficult to deal with from someone close, than it is  from someone distant.  The insults of an eight year old's strangers kid is likely to role off you like water water off a ducks back. But from a marriage partner? The sense of betrayal from someone you have trusted with your life, goes very, very deep, and in part accounts for the bitterness of so many divorces. It also tends to tear the children apart too!  Is it any wonder God, who is all about reconciliation,  hates divorce (Ephesians 1:10, 4:3; Malachi 4:15, 16). It is not just divorce of course,  it is any tearing asunder of relationships. Putting these things back together has been compared to unscrambling eggs, but with God all things are possible!

Some of the commentators suggest that 'contentions,' in the second stanza, has to do with the courts. What is clear, is that any dispute escalates, the moment lawyers get involved. I mean the lawyers need to be on your side, right or wrong, and in any negotiation they are likely to council you  to start out with outrageous demands.  This is particularly difficult in our take it our leave it culture, where most things are fixed,  and  “my way or the highway” is the norm.  The advantage of a bartering culture, is that it builds relationships. But layers are about winning, not about relationships! Paul suggests that  among Christians it's better to be defrauded,  than to go to court before unbelievers (1 Corinthians 6:1-8).

Another thing that spill over from our take it or leave it culture,  is the polarization of ideas.  But we probably don't need any help in this area.  As a culture we no longer listen to each other, but as the proverb says “He who speaks first seems to be right, until his neighbour comes and examines him” (Proverbs 18:17). And if our ideas remain unexamined, they will likely never be corrected.  In all these things, the Scripture admonishes us to come against these things in the opposite spirit. When offended we should be kind and forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32). Rather than accusation we should confess our faults one to another (James 5:16). We should not underestimate the power of a sincere and timely apology with appropriate recompense. And if after that the brother is still offended it is on him, not on you.

Father, Your Word tells us “How good and how pleasant it is that the brethren dwell together in unity” (Psalm 133:1). We need to allow You to use our differences to refine us Lord, as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Unity is not all being the same, harmony is a pleasing combination of differences, unison is alright for while, but it can get boring. We need Your help Lord, Your Grace. Offence is a weapon of the enemy. Please  teach us to be offence proof. If we are to love our neighbour as ourselves, we will need to overlook our contentions. We ask for Your help Lord  in Jesus Name Amen