The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger

.... And his glory is to overlook a transgression (Proverbs 19:11).  A parallel proverb states “The one who is slow to anger has great understanding, but the one who has a quick temper displays foolishness” (Proverbs 14:29). As a young man I was easily angered, and it got me into a lot of trouble. It was indeed foolishness.  Discretion in this morning's verse  has to do with showing good judgement.  Understanding has to do with seeing the other person's point of view, without necessarily approving of it.  Being slow to anger is about having self control, it's part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23), it's being in charge of your emotions.  The opposite of this is about holding grudge or heeding “Don't get mad, get even,” kind of advice.  To overlook an offence is to walk in the footsteps of Jesus, as when as they drove cruel spikes into His hands and His feet and He prayed  “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).  It is a glorious thing! 

Some see this sort of thing as weakness, and certainly it can be if, for example,  your mode of operation is peace at any price.  Jesus was slow to anger, but He did get angry (Mark 3:5; John 2:15). In neither of these two incidents was Jesus being weak.  It is also possible to have a codependent interpretation of these things.  While we are to be slow to anger, anger need not be wrong, itcan give us the courage to do what we might otherwise be reluctant to do. Many of us to not realize that in long term relationships we actually train others how to treat us. We do this  by how we respond to certain situations.   By conflict avoidance, we train others that they can get away with almost anything.  In such situations, it might take a while for us to realize what we are doing, to see that if we are to have a relationship based on respect, that things need to change.

It is at such points that many relationships fall apart.   And what this is really about is having healthy boundaries. Boundaries are about leaning when to say yes,  and when to say no.  One of the secrets in healthy relationships,  is learning how to negotiate.   It does take two though.  One of the problems, when we have had poor boundaries,   is that waking up to what's going on,  often comes in crisis.  And anger that has been suppressed, and suppressed rather than dealt with,  can come bursting forth. This makes respectful dialogue, successful negotiation, difficult.  I am talking about me here.  This is one of the reasons that getting into recovery before a crisis hits, is an excellent idea. In other words, we need to ask the Lord to show us what are the things going on in our lives that need to be dealt with with discretion,  when our ability to overlook and offence is still in place!

Father, I ask this morning for myself,  and all reading this blog, that You will help us to be slow to anger and ready willing and able to overlook an offence when appropriate. But help us also Lord to know when our anger is telling us that it is time to deal with something, to acknowledge it, and then to work it through before it becomes of crisis proportion in Jesus Name Amen