The poison of bitterness: His hand will be against every man

... and every man's hand against him (Genesis 16:12). Abram and Sari had tried to fulfill God's promise of a son, by Abram taking Hagar, Sari's handmaid. When she was pregnant,  she despised Sari,  who then dealt with her harshly. Hagar had fled,  an Angel had met her, telling her to go back, and that she would have a son Ishmael, with the characteristics in this morning's verse (verses 1-12). What is perhaps surprising is that Hagar seems pleased with this.

But perhaps it's not so surprising at all. There's no reason be believe  Hagar stopped despising Sari, nor that Sari treated her any differently when she returned.  Sari had wanted to have children by Hagar (verse 2), in other words she would claim for herself any child that came “by Hagar.” Hagar, of course would nurse Ishmael and  have a huge influence on him.  And what seems to be happening in Hagar being please with Ishmael's predicted character, is Hagar seeing that she could use him to get back at Sari.  Such is the nature of bitterness and resentment. Under the New Covenant we are admonished to look “carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). I'll come back to this in a moment.

I have observed a similar dynamic in waring partners in divorce. Typically both partners place the blame 100% on the other. In the throws of anger and bitterness,  there is an inevitable tendency to try and  get the children on “my side,”  and get them away from, or use them to get back at,  the “evil former partner.” Sari and Hagar's relationship is not marriage of course, but as I say, the dynamic seems to be the same. Concerning divorce,  God hates it, and in the context of the quote we read “and why? He seeks godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15, 16).  And we see here clearly Hagar's attitude being picked up and amplified by Ishmael. As believers, we are admonished to put away all  all bitterness, wrath, anger and evil speaking with all malice” (Ephesians 4:31). But how do you do that when you are overwhelmed?

Coming back to the Hebrews reference, we need to take hold of the Grace God offers to all of us to help in time of need (Hebrew 4:16). This aspect of God's Grace is the wherewithal to do what without Him we cannot do. In order to obtain it, I  start by pouring out my complaint to the Lord (Psalm 142:2). It's to the Lord,  not to others. This can cause dissension, a work of the sinful nature (Galatians 5:29).  I journal, many times writing letters I never send. I go for a walk, I talk to Him ask Him for Grace to receive His Grace. If I'm feeling like the victim, I need to realize that in order to come back to peace, or to bring peace, I need to be the bigger person. And I can ask for Grace to be that. If I don't do this, I will defile myself and the innocents that I love (Hebrews 12:15 again).

Father, I have come to realize that bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Thank You that You have not left us alone to stew in our own juices, but provide Grace to help. Help us to be careful not to fail to obtain it, in Jesus Name Amen