God’s blueprint for marriage III: Cleave

The world has abandoned marriage in droves, it's because it is so difficult. The disciples response to Jesus' strict teaching on divorce was “If such is the case, it's better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). One major thing that gets in the way of bonding  (the 'cleave' in in our leave, cleave, one flesh discussion) is the will. Those pesky irreconcilable differences that are blamed for the break up of so many marriages, are really about a clash of wills. A recently divorced woman once told me “I can now paint my door red!” This was likely a symptom of a deeper clash of wills. The controversial passage on marriage in Ephesians 5 is preceded by the admonition for us to submit “to one another in the fear of the Lord” (verse 21).  

Yes it is difficult and it's getting worse. Part of this,  is that there has been a major shift in Western culture over the last few decades. In particular we're a lot less tolerant. After WWII,  parents wanted better than they had had, for their children. And to be honest from baby boomers on, whether we want to admit it,  we have essentially been spoiled. A hundred years ago life was all about survival, about putting food on the table, and a roof over our head. We didn't have time for squabbles about our petty rights.  As for micro aggression – it was overshadowed by the macro aggression of the nations.  Dealing with micro aggression in that generation would have been the equivalent of swatting mosquitos.  When you are concerned about if the children have enough to eat,  the colour of the door is irrelevant!

Long story short, our concern with what we want,  and want now, with our expectations and rights, these things have overtaken the survival mode of yesteryear. Now it's all about me, I, me, mine! We have become a culture with a sense of entitlement, a sense that the world owes us.

Another part of the problem, is that we don't know what we don't know. In particular we don't know (are in denial about) how unreasonable our expectations are. But not only do we not know this,   we don't know when the dragons of our 21st Century sense of entitlement will erupt and sabotage the bonding in any, and all our relationships. There is a widespread spirit of offence.

Thankfully, there is a solution. It starts with choosing, with His help,  to put to death the deeds and the desired of the selfish sinful nature  (Romans 8:13; Galatians 5:24). The normal Christian life is about being transformed from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). There are many resources to help that we need to take advantage of (both before and after marriage).  But we also need to covenant with each other that divorce is not an option, and covenant to work through the issues.  Marriage is God's primary tool to make us like Christ.

Father, we have been immersed in this sense of entitlement for so long it feels normal. And it deeply affects our relationships even, or perhaps especially with You. We are made for relationship (Genesis 2:18), but these things prevent any but superficial ones. You love us Lord and want the best for us. As we seek with Your help to cleave, we surrender all, and ask You to help us do our part in being transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) in Jesus Name Amen