Three Biblical “loves”

Although I was not following Him at the time,  nevertheless at age sixteen I heard His voice (John 10:27). Somehow I knew it was Him, I just knew! What I heard was “Why are you running away from me Phil, all I want you to do,  is to love for Me?” In the brashness of youth I replied “I don’t need you for that!” It would be another twelve years before I heard Him again. In the meantime I discovered that the love I thought I had,  was a very selfish love. It was all about me,  and I eventually reaped the fruit of that selfishness (Galatians 6:7), including a broken heart.

Our modern culture essentially equates love with sex. But there are three different Bible words,  all translated 'love' in English.  A little over simplistically (but see C. S. Lewis’ “Four Loves”),  the first is agape.  It's the unconditional love with which God so loved the World,  that He sent His son at incredible cost to Himself, to save us (John 3:16). Next there is phileo (Philadelphia is the city of brotherly – delphos, phileo - love). It is affectionate, friendship love. Finally there is eros.  We get our word erotic from this,  and for our purposes, we can think of it as sexual love.

As mentioned earlier, there's a reason for the order leave, cleave, one flesh in God's blueprint for marriage (Genesis 2:24).  And it's related to the three loves. You see when we engage in eros love before we have properly bonded in phileo love,  our phileo - friendship love - is stunted. I mean it's all about the sex! And when the “honeymoon” is over we'll have little to fall back on. How many people have I heard say “Sex ruined the relationship!” I mean hot baths cool quickly! Developing phileo love, is about learning to appreciate things about each other, establishing what we have in common, and working through things that have the potential to divide us (Proverbs 27:17). It is much easier to do this before  “one flesh” bonding. Here's a little experiment, try to think of something good about someone you have a problem with.  Perhaps I should speak for myself,  but I find it hard. I'm saying if, with our intended life long mates,  we've not taken time to develop philoe love, we'll pay for it one way or the other.

Regarding my own first sexual encounter, though unaware of it at the time, I was seduced. It wasn't exactly hard though! And though we dated for years, sex was really the only thing we had in common.  It held me captive (John 8:34). She finally got tired of waiting for me to marry her, and went off with another. And though I knew she was never intended for me, nevertheless the breaking of that first eros bond, left me with a broken heart!

Lord Jesus, You command us to (agape) love one another as You have loved us with Your unconditional agape love (John 15:12). I don't have in me to do this Lord, but You never command something without giving us the wherewithal (the Grace) to do it. My part is to abide in You, in total surrender and obedience, bringing my will into conformity with Yours (verses 9, 10). It's the intended normal Christian life, but so few live it!  No wonder the world's not listening (John 13:35). I repent this morning Lord, and I receive Your forgiveness and Grace to be all I can be in You, in Your precious name Amen.