Full of poison, or full of the Spirit. We choose.

The truth that our bitterness defiles the ones we love, is nowhere more graphically illustrated for me than in the break up of a marriage or other parental relationships. We may tell ourselves it is the best thing for the children, but without doubt the children suffer, and suffer deeply. I do not speak in self righteousness here, I speak as one who has utterly failed, yet one who is also forgiven. If you too have failed, I want you to know that God abundantly pardons, and He as promised that when we turn to Him in obedience He will restore the years that the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25). We need to claim this promise that when we return to Him, and as much as lies within us move in the direction of obedience to His laws and principles, we become repairers of the breach and healers of the broken structures that generations of dysfunction have laid waste. The promise of God that He will do His part in such restoration has two conditions. The first is that we should repent and turn to Him (i.e. to love God). The second is that we should walk in obedience to His laws and principles (Exodus 20:6).

It is more than difficult in the midst of our pain, to be willing to even consider the affect of our choices on others. To think of others at such times takes a level of maturity that most of us lack. We see such maturity in Jesus of course. In the midst of the most excruciating method of death then known to man, Jesus could think about, and take action to ensure that His mother was provided for (John 19:26,27). Spirit filled men like Stephen, could ask God not to hold his death by stoning against those who were stoning him.

In the case of the break up of a marriage, we often do not even begin to see what our choices and attitudes do to the children. We don't realize how criticism of our estranged spouse puts incredible pressure on our children to take sides. In an argument between your mum and dad who do you want to win? Too often without intending to and without realizing it, our attitudes imply “you can't be friends with me, if you are friends with him/her”. I have been told that the children experience this as being sawn in two. No wonder God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). There is more and more evidence that adult children of divorce experience life long trauma from parental breakups. This also happens even when the divorce is an emotional divorce (when we hide from each other putting up unscalable walls). We may have suffered from this at the hands of our own parents, and we may need to forgive them. We may need to forgive a former spouse. But as I said in a previous post, we need to treat bitterness as we would cancer. Absolutely no compromise.

Perhaps it is because of the destruction that is wrought through unforgiveness that this subject receives some of the most difficult teachings of Jesus. Without doubt, the spirit of bitterness and unforgiveness is the very opposite of the spirit and the primary purpose and agenda that God had in sending Jesus. We read that He purposed in the fullness of time to “unite all things in heaven and earth under one head, even Christ” (Ephesians 1:10 NIV). We are told unequivocally that unless we forgive from the heart, we ourselves will not be forgiven (Matthew 18:35). My understanding of what it means to “forgive from the heart”, is that we are to keep working at it until we have allowed the Grace of God to penetrate into our emotions, bringing them into conformity with His will that we be forgiving and merciful. In light of what He has done for us, any other response is unworthy of Him.

It is important for us to realize that our forgiving a person is not the same as saying that what they did was right, or that it does not matter. If it did not matter, there would be nothing to forgive. What can be helpful though, is to see the offense from the perspective of the injustice perpetrated on Jesus. He is our example. As they drove cruel spikes through His hands and feet He prayed “Father forgive them, they do not know what the are doing”. From His example and His teachings we know that separations, put downs, disrespect together with all things that bring and perpetuate division, are not of Him. We need to realize that when we refuse to allow our spirits to receive His Grace to forgive others, we are in fact doing the Devil's work.

It is here supremely where we need His help to live the life to which that He calls us. The force of the Greek of Hebrews 12:15 (quoted last day), is that we need to be diligent, to do our very best, lest we fail to obtain or appropriate the Grace of God to cut out these roots of bitterness that choke the operation of His Spirit in our lives. His Grace here, is the wherewithal that comes from Him, to do what He calls us to do. We can think of this as God's enabling Grace. Paul talks more about this in the early verses of Romans 5.

What do you want for yourself and for those you love? Do you want to be filled with the poison of bitterness, or with the fullness and the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control – Galatians 5:22.23)? You (we) can't have it both ways. You cannot fit good things into a dumpster filled with garbage. We need to get rid of the garbage first. You cannot be filled with the Spirit while you hold onto the deeds and the desires of the flesh (the lower sinful nature). May God help us here. He is willing, but He requires our cooperation.