Happy are the poor in spirit

It's a few years ago now that I resigned my self appointed task as keeper of the Universe. Well it was not really the whole universe, but I had been feeling responsible for a lot more than I now feel for things outside of my control. I also stopped worrying as much about what people thought of me, and I started to define success in very different terms than I had earlier.

The above quotation from the sermon on the mount is a huge stumbling block for our culture, where self reliance and individualism rule, where career, financial success, and making it big is what it's all about. We are told that “Only the weak need religion.” For me it's more like a brand new pair of legs.

The (often self imposed) pressure we feel to be successful, to need nobody, to be beautiful, intelligent, rich, powerful causes us to hide who we really are. It results in our living outside of reality, because nobody can be all these things. We are often afraid to let others know who we really are because we believe if others really knew the truth about us they would reject us. What is it they say “Most men live lives of quiet desperation”? But we don't all admit it even when we do!

There are a couple of equal and opposite errors to avoid here. On the one hand there is the unhealthy dependency that signifies a lack of maturity, an unwillingness to take responsibility for our thoughts actions and attitudes, a dependency that leans too heavily on others placing the blame on them whenever things go wrong. It is a strong indication that we have not yet grown up.

But there is an opposite error, and one that many fall into. Let me start by asking who is the more mature, one who cannot surrender some of his or her independence or one who can? What I am saying is that independence is not the greatest form of maturity, what is more mature is interdependence, that is a willingness to admit that I have not arrived, that I have needs others can help me with.

Now I am a Mathematician. I have often said that it is harder to be arrogant when you are a Mathematician (it's not impossible, but you have to work a little harder!). The point is that no matter how much you know, it is perfectly obvious that (in the words of Newton) you are doing nothing more than splashing about on the shore of the vast ocean of knowledge. To put it another way, in Mathematics you cannot ask a question without showing your ignorance. So I ask my peers lots of questions. But I know more than I would, because I get at least some of those questions answered.

Now I do need to do what I can do, but I will not learn as much if I am unwilling to admit my ignorance. And it is here that we find the balance and avoid both of these equal and opposite errors. So in Mathematics so in life. If we are unwilling to admit or even see that in many places we are weak, and in many things we all fail, then we will not be living in reality and we will not seek the help that we all need!

It's the first step in recovery “I admitted that I am powerless over .....” And we are either in recovery, or we are in denial. I prefer another river (different from “de Nile” - groan – I know – I am of course talking about Ezekiel's river - Ezekiel 47).