God’s blueprint for marriage: Leave, cleave, one flesh

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”  (Genesis 2:24). Since Adam and Eve had no parents, this verse in paradise before the fall may, at first sight,  seem strangely out of place.  But it anticipates the fall,  and invites us to look deeply into these things as we seek to do our part in bringing the Kingdom to earth into our marriages and other significant relationships.  A little simplistically here,  we need to see leaving our parents as much more than leaving physically. In particular if we do not deal with our father and mother issues, we will bring them into our marriages, we will not cleave (join and be joined) well, and the physical side of marriage will also be affected.

I have noticed that at the breakup of significant relationships including marriage, you either learn a great deal, or you learn essentially nothing. And if I learn nothing, I will take my biggest problem (me) into the next relationship. I will make the same mistakes,  and likely have the same outcome. In the next few posts I will be unpacking what I am calling God's blueprint for marriage, the work that needs to be done in “iron sharpening iron”  interactions (Proverbs 27:17) both before and after the ceremony. In summary it is “leave,  cleave,  one flesh,” and it is a life long process of transformation.

When Jesus came He give us stricter divorce laws than under the Old Covenant, but it's not only about divorce.  He tells us, for example,  that if we look at a woman lustfully, we have already committed adultery with her in our heart (Matthew 5:28). And what does this say about pornography, and the pseudo,  hyper sexuality of our culture? The problem is that nobody can even keep the standards of the Old Testament, let alone these stricter ones (i.e. Romans 3:23; Galatians 2:21).  And if we couldn't keep the “easier” rules,  how on earth can we keep the more exacting standard?  Well here's a hint, it's not by trying harder. It comes through the radical death of the self life,  and then embracing, from the heart, the life and power that comes through cooperation Holy Spirit as He lives the life of the Kingdom in us and through us (Romans 6:11, 17; Galatians 2:20; Acts 1:8).  It's an ongoing process of transformation from glory to glory (Romans 12:2; 2 Corinthians 3:18).

But what would compel us to this radical death and resurrection? In a word “pain!” C.S. Lewis suggests that God whispers to us in our pleasure, but shouts to us in our pain. In other words pain, particularly from the breakup of relationships, is designed to bring us back (or more fully) into relationship with the Pastor of our souls (1 Peter 2:25).  I do not pretend this is an easy pain free path. Many times the truth is incredibly difficult to bear (John 16:12)! But  growth pains are not like the pain of the consequences of bad choices. This pain may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

Father,  in many things we all fail (James 3:2), but failures are crossroads, and the path to life is made possible by Your forgiveness and resurrection power. Give us grace Lord to engage in the process,  as we progressively learn to die to self in order that Your life may be more fully manifest through us in Jesus Name Amen