Relationships: An invitation to change

Many sum up their experience with romantic relationships by saying “You can't live with them, and you can't live without them!”  We're looking at God's blueprint for marriage (Genesis 2:24), but no matter where you are in life, married, unmarried or divorced, there's much here to help improve our relationships. And I dare say, we all still have a lot to learn! Most of us have had painful experiences here, and it's useful to think of them as crossroads. One of the roads, the road less travelled, is the one taken by those who take responsibility for their part in what went wrong.
It seems to be typical, at the break up significant relationships, that both parties blame the other 100% for what went wrong.  I would venture to say however, that it's never 100% to 0%.  When we are in pain however, and just about all breakups are painful, we are likely in no mood to be objective,  especially when the other person's faults are so obvious. It is amazing when we think about these things (if we even think about them at all) how other people's faults loom so large, while our own, in comparison, seem so small.  

But concerning zero blame, even when there’s significant wrong done, our response to the wrong done is often, in and of itself, wrong! I'm thinking about bitterness and resentment and what flows out of that.  And it's not just about the perpetrator (Hebrews 12:15).  I'm not saying it's not understandable!  Been there, done that! But if we are looking for blame, we'll not have very far to look. Nobody's perfect, not even me!  

My point is this, at the break up of a significant relationship,  we either learn a great deal, or we learn essentially nothing, well nothing worth knowing (i.e all men are ...,  all women are ...). And if this is you, you will likely take your own worst enemy (you), into the next relationship. Of course the more we learn about relationships before we enter into marriage, the better. Premarital counselling, to my way of thinking is essential, and the principles are helpful even afterwards. And it's never too late to start to deal with relationship issues (I recommend Dany Silk's  “Defining the Relationship” course)

Coming back to the pain of it all, I like what C.S. Lewis says,  namely that God whispers to us in our pleasure,  but shouts to us in our pain. His point, is that pain points to the fact that something is wrong, and that we need to look into what God is telling us it means!  The believer is encouraged to see everything as an opportunity, an invitation even,  to grow. In particular, all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And part of that purpose is to make us more like Jesus, and to be fruitful (Romans 8:28,29).  But we need to cooperate, and here in relationships, it's about figuring our part in what when wrong, and making amends for it. It's the heart of twelve-step-programs, and there is much to say about these things.

Father, it's never too late to start to learn about relationships, how they work, and what in me needs to change in order to improve them,  even with You. You invite us to change with Your help, and in the fellowship of fellow travellers on this road. If we can't find such fellowships Lord,  help us to create them,  in Jesus Name Amen