When I trust You I don’t need to understand

It’s a line from a song (New wine by Hillsong). I sometimes think we sing what we sing to the Lord far too glibly, singing sons we may not really mean. Singing lines, for example, like “Break my heart with what beaks Yours.” There have certainly been times when I don’t sing certain lines because I either don’t believe the line, or I don’t mean what I would be singing. The line at the head of the post however, is not one of them. In fact there is Biblical warrant for it. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Choosing to trust and committing to not relying on my understanding does not mean, of course, that I don’t wrestle with the things I don’t understand.

And this was tested this week as we essentially devoted a whole midweek service to crying out for the Lord to heal a young woman who had had an accident and was dying. We put our faith on the line declaring the doctors do not have the last word, speaking to the problems and believing for a miracle. It did not happen. We were so sure He was going to answer. Well, perhaps the answer was simply “no,” but I did my usual thing at times like this. What I did was enter into His embrace picturing myself with His arms around me and me pummelling His chest with my fists. I don’t think of this as a hissy fit, because it was more about grief than anger. I have done this many times before, and I sense that He welcomes it as a genuine expression of my frustration and pain. And as I said recently He can handle our being real, and yes I felt better afterwards!

But that does not mean that the questions go away! Why does He heal some and not others? Why may “a thousand fall at my side, but it does not come near to me” (Psalm 91:7)? Why has He miraculously healed my knees, but the diagnosis of diabetes remains? Will I be offended, turn back and stop praying for healing? I remember Bill Johnson telling of a time when a secretary had died of cancer, and in response they called a healing meeting the very next Sunday. And many were healed at that service. So no, I will not stop praying for healing, I will not allow a lost battle to cause me to disengage from the war. Rather with His help, I will press in for more.

And Father I do need Your help, and I do not feel that You have let me down, quite the opposite! The scripture comes to mind where You Lord Jesus frustrated with the disciples cried out “How long must I be with you and bear with you” (Mark 9:19)? And so I cry out again this morning Lord “I believe, help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). Kingdom of God come, will of God be done in my life, in Jesus Name Amen.