Sanctification fellowship (IV) Two way violating

There is one more reason we need to find a safe places to do James 5:16, confessing our faults one to another. It is not only for our own healing, but also for healing of relationships. At critical times in my journey by "coincidence" the Lord has put a book in my hand that spoke to my situation. In once case I was browsing in a bookstore, and came across this saying “In a relationship if one is open and the other covered, both parties can finish up violating the other.” I don’t mean this, but I have often said that my openness is both a gift and a curse. Why would I say it is a curse, it is because so often my confessions have come back as accusation and judgement. “You did what?” So I understand being violated from the point of view of the one who is open. What I did not understand at the time was how it worked the other way, and I asked the Lord about it.

To the one who is covered (i.e. “If anyone ever found out I would die”), the one who is seeking to obey James 5:16 can appear shameless. Of course this can certainly be the case. In Jeremiah 6:15 the Lord asks “Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were not at all ashamed; Nor did they know how to blush.” So we certainly need wisdom, humility and repentance in order to ensure that our openness is not shamelessness. I have come to realize however that even appropriate disclosure can be very threatening to one who is covered. In particular any form of disclosure can seem shameless, and can be a huge trigger for the deep shame that many who are covered feel. Since attack is the best form of defence, the response in such situations can easily turn into attack violating the one who is open.

To put this another way when we do not confess our faults one to another (James 5:16), we will likely finish up confessing each other’s faults. If one says “You’ve got a great big zit right on the end of your nose,” the response might be “You should worry, your face is just one great being zit!” In other words while confessing our faults one to another is healing, confessing each others faults, not so much! And the blame game is the default this side of the cross. It started with Adam. when he was asked if he had eaten the fruit he was commanded not to eat. In particular he blamed the woman, and he also blamed God “You are the one who gave her to me” (Genesis 3:12).

Father, no matter where we are on the spectrum of open or covered, we need Your help to negotiate our relationships. It is far too easy for both to judge the other. Heaven forbid that we should (Matthew 7:1,2). For those of us on the open end of the spectrum, we need grace and wisdom and, like You wait for us to be gracious, we need grace to wait for others, and to not force things. For those of us in the covered end of the spectrum, we need wisdom and courage to find a safe place, likely starting with just one person. This is especially true for those in leadership, for the fellowship will not likely be more open than its leaders. Thank You Lord for the privilege of being on the receiving end of conversations that start with “I have never told anyone this…” It often comes Lord when we are willing to seen be open and none-judgemental. Truly Lord I am in no position to judge anyone, in fact none of us do. I bless You for revealing these things to me Lord, and for the gift of openness in Jesus Name Amen