The parable of marriage (II) Husbands love, wives respect

The passage under consideration (Ephesians 5:22-33) is, in our culture, one of the more controversial. But we must not avoid it for that. The stumbling block for many is the statement in verse 22 telling wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. What is not often noticed,  is that in effect the husband is told to submit to the wife in the previous verse. I say in effect, because the instruction is that we are to submit one to another. And of course that includes, as I have said, the husband submitting to the wife.  And actually, you know the instructions to the husband are  the more difficult, since he is instructed to love the wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. And if we just let that sink in for a minute, I mean the extent to which He endured suffering, then I think you might agree.

But in a further attempt to defuse the situation I want to say that Paul ends the passage with a summary of what he is teaching. And in this summary he says “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (verse 33). When we try to make general statements about men and women,  they are likely always too simplistic. Nevertheless I am going to try. Let me start by saying that what I think, is that first and foremost the husband's deepest need is to be respected by the wife. Likewise first and foremost the wife needs to know she is unconditionally loved. This is not to say that the wife does not need to be respected, nor that the husband does not need to be loved. What I think Paul is saying, is that if he had to choose just one thing to say what each one needs, then he would choose respect for the husband and love for the wife. As a man I know that I feel undermined when I am not respected.

What Paul is not doing here, is giving the husband permission to browbeat the wife into giving respect. Nor is he suggesting the wife demand love from the husband. The instruction to love the wife is given to the husband, likewise the instruction to respect the husband is given to the wife. He is not saying either that the husband needs to earn the respect of the wife, nor that the wife needs to earn the love of the husband. The whole thing is centred around Christ’s self-giving. In fact He “loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle (Ephesians 5:25- 27). And it is in this spirit of self giving that we are to meet each other’s deepest needs. In line with what I was saying last day, He has given the World permission to know that we are His,  by the love we have for each other (John 13:35).

Father, You took such a risk by leaving the church (the invisible church) as essentially Your only witness to the gospel here on earth. And in many ways we have failed. Forgive us Lord and equip us to truly live for You in a way that honours You, honours each other and brings glory to yourself, in Jesus Name Amen