Every thought captive: The war on negativity (V) Negativity of others

They say there is no one who objects more to someone smoking, than one who has recently given it up. And if you are engaged in the war against negativity,  you are likely in danger of having a similar attitude to others who are negative,  and who might not even be aware (or care) that it is causing you difficulty. Negativity is so much a part of our culture, that we are likely to meet it over and over.  And if we are to kill it in our lives we will likely need to gently kill it in others. Gently?  Well we must not judge, and  we indeed do need to approach this humbly and gently. But I want to make clear that we are not talking here about those who are grieving, or in the long process of dealing with deep hurts. The Scripture tells us that we are to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). No,  we are talking about someone stuck in negativity constantly pointing out all that is wrong with the world.

Some of the what we are talking about here, relates to what we were talking about yesterday, somebody who is overtaken in this as a fault. It depends on the spirit behind the negativity, in particular if it is self-righteous and judgemental. But sometimes our response to grief or deep hurt can be anger, and we need the Lord’s wisdom to discern if this is the case. The person may or may not be willing or ready to deal with it whatever it is. But in any case it healthy neither for us, nor for them to allow ourselves to be dumping grounds, sounding boards, for ongoing deep rooted negativity. It's really a boundaries issue.

I first came across this concept  of boundaries years ago in a book of the same name  by Cloud and Townsend. The subject does no lend itself easily to the sort of “soundbite” in posts like this. But what  I can say is that part of what we need to do to "guard our hearts with all diligence" (Proverbs 4:23). Boundaries are more like fences with gates than they are like walls.  With healthy boundaries we consciously chose what to allow in,  and out. Starting to put up a boundary against deep rooted negativity might sound a bit this  “I don’t know if you realize it, but I am finding this sort of talk very difficult, and it's dragging me down. So I am afraid I am going to need to distance myself from it.” There is likely to be push back, and I have found that we need to surround ourselves with people who understand these things, and who will support us in dealing with the said push back. It is better do this this early!  I learnt from the school of hard knocks, that because I did not have healthy boundaries I eventually exploded, and that did nobody any good.

Father, while we need, as much as possible with us to live at peace with all (Romans 12:18), this does not mean we should be doormats, Jesus wasn't. Not everyone rejoices when we get into recovery, and sad though it is, various degrees of separation are inevitable. In particular, between the the two quotes from Romans 12 is the admonition to associate with the humble (verse 16). Lord we need Your wisdom, courage and serenity in Jesus Name Amen