Amends: Jacob seeks to make amends

When you are in fear of your life, seeking to make amends is likely to go overboard, and Esau was coming to Jacob with four hundred men.  Jacob had already eaten humble pie, calling Esau lord,  and himself Esau's servant. Now he sends Esau a present of two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty milk camels with their colts, forty cows and ten bulls, twenty female donkeys and ten foals. He instructs his herdsmen to put each drove by itself,  and to put a distance between each one. Then when they in turn encounter Esau,  each is to say these “are your servant Jacob’s. It is a present sent to my lord Esau; and behold, he also is behind us” (Genesis 32:6-18).

Scripture admonishes us as much as is possible with us, to live at peace with others. Jacob perhaps suspecting Esau might think he had come to claim his (stolen) inheritance is a pains to stress that he is giving rather than claiming. The demonstrated and repeated message is,  as much as possible,  to make sure the message gets through. Twelve step programs stress the need to make amends (seek to be reconciled), and teaches how to do so. It can perhaps be summed up in the Biblical admonition “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31).  Restitution (the restoration of something lost or stolen) where ever possible. If you stole  something from someone “sorry” is not enough. The Bible talks about returning double or more (i.e. Exodus 22:1). Clearly it is not always possible, what is done cannot be undone, an insult for example. But never underestimate the power of a sincere apology. The how and when of an amends is important too.  It is important to acknowledge the hurt and the damage. And it would not have been a good idea for Jacob to remind Esau of the bargain, which from Esau's point of view was Jacob taking advantage of his hunger (25:29-34). Likewise an “apology” that adds “if you hadn't done such and such,” is not going to cut it. You may not be ready to make the amends, and this brings us to timing.

Perhaps the most important thing we can learn from this story is that it is much better to  allow God to be in control. And it was God who had told him to return to his country and family at this time, and that would be important in praying things through. For God will never lead you to a place where, with His help,  He will not lead you out of it.  It is so easy to get either ahead or behind His leading. And especially in situations like this where you are essentially going through a mine field is it important to stay close. If I am still wanting to blame in my apology, I am not ready, but  the other guy may not be ready either, God knows.    

Father, there is so much to learn about making amends. Often is it that I need to get rid of the guilt and shame. Even when there is fault on the other side, I need to take responsibility for my side. And I know myself well enough to know that I often need other people's advice as to how to make my amends. When I am feeling lead to make amends, help me to be willing to do that, and please give me acceptable words, words that can be heard in Jesus Name Amen