Crucial conversations, closure and covenant

After Laban had failed to find the household gods he had accused Jacob of stealing,  Jacob laid out all the injustices he had suffered under Laban's hand. He was tricked into seven more years of free labour as the brideprice for Rachel. And after the fourteen years  Laban hide,  three days journey away, all the types of flock they had agree on as Jacob's wage going forward.  God had spoken to Laban in a dream not to hurt Jacob and Jacob says that unless the God had been with him, Laban would have sent him away empty handed (Genesis 31:31-42).

Laban repines “These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and this flock is my flock; all that you see is mine. But what can I do this day.... ? Now therefore, come, let us make a covenant, and let it be a witness between you and me” (verses 43,44). They make a heap of stones and ate on it, also making a covenant determining the boundary lines,  and agreeing not to harm one another. The call the place Galeed meaning “pile for witness”  (verses 43-52).  

One of the many books I have bought with the intention of reading (need I say more) is entitled “Crucial conversations.”  From the foreword, one of the most  crucial things is to understand. I have always known that of course, but the most effective teaching is often to that which we already know at some level,  and building on what is already know.  Of the many life lessons I have learned the hard way, one is that there is not a lot of point talking when nobody is listening! What I am saying is that there is a place and a timing for crucial conversations.  And we don't have to get everything 100% right. In fact we are not going to. But if we are following God's timing and leading, we will find, as Jacob did,  that God has gone before us to prepare the way.  Jacob's angry words at the wrong time could have been disastrous.

Laban must have felt somewhat chastened at not being able to find his household gods. Have you ever lost something and accused somebody of stealing only to find it later? Even if you haven't accused them have you thought it? Me? “Guilty as charged!”  Most of us, when we believe we are in the right want to make the other person crawl and wait to be begged for forgiveness. Clearly whatever Laban's strange answer means it is not that, and Jacob would sill likely be waiting.  I have learnt,  when somebody is doing something wrong, to settle for them not doing it anymore, rather than my needing them to admit it, let alone come crawling!

When there has been a serious breech in a relationship it is important to do something to bring closure. It is important to note that it was Laban who initiated the covenant. That is as much as Jacob was going to get, so he agreed and they lived happily ever after (maybe) in different parts of the globe.

Father, please give us grace to wait for Your timing. Sometime I am not ready, sometime the other person isn't. As with Jacob and Laban, we don't have to do this perfectly.  Help us to know what is the level of closure You want for us, and to be willing to settle for it. Thank You Lord in Jesus Name Amen.