Marriage: The role of family


And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,“Our sister, may you become the mother of thousands of ten thousands; and may your descendants possess the gates of those who hate them” (Genesis 24:60). It was all decided,  Rebekah was to be married to Isaac and she would leave the family and go to him. Her mother was, as mothers often are, reluctant to let her go (verse 55), but Rebekah had made the decision,  and now they blessed her. The prayer was that she would be fruitful and, in a area where war was the norm,  that her clan would be the victorious one. If there was to be war the prayer was that they would not be the vanquished!

Matthew Henry comments “When our relations are entering into a new condition, we ought by prayer to commend them to the blessing and grace of God.”  In marriage we are commanded first to leave our mother and father (Genesis 2:24).  In other words, the new relationship is to be  primary. On the other hand,  though Rebekah was leaving, she would still be “our sister.” Benson comments that what that meant was they were still willing to perform all the duties of family for her.  With incomplete leaving in-laws can hinder a marriage, but with healthy family relationships they can help and much support in times of need. If we are to get through the troubles that come with marriage  (1 Corinthians 7:28), we need all the help we can get, and none of the  hindrances, thank you very much!

In terms of hindrances, in-laws who make it clear from the beginning that they don't like the spouse hinder greatly. We are as much as possible within us to live at peace with others (Romans 12:18). Taking sides, taking up the offence of a son or daughter is also very destructive.   And it can perpetuate a quarrel long after the couple has settled the dispute. Interference can be a cause of much strife.  Pressuring the couple to spend holiday celebrations with them rather than the other family is also not good, and these things need to be negotiated carefully.  

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Family is important in this too, but in this day and age like with Rebekah,  family is not always close,  and  not every family is safe.  We are however created to need community.  The family of believers can be an important  addition to it all. The Bible proclaims “how good and how pleasant it is when we dwell together on unity” (Psalm 133:1).  Unity is not about all being the same, we are all different, and as the Bible says,  in many things we all fail (James 3:2). For me the important thing is that we deal with the issues in a respectful, humble and timely way.

Father, thank You for our earthly family, and for the family of believers.  As with the characters in the Bible, not one of us is perfect, and unity is more than a challenge at times. There are many problems,  and we need grace,  understanding and patience to deal with each other.  Many times we also need Your mercy. Thank You Lord that You have promised to give these things when we ask (Hebrews 4:16). For these and many other things we give you praise in Jesus Name Amen