I have done too much bad for God to forgive me.

If and when we do wake up to the fact that we have done things that are very very wrong, forgiving ourselves can be one of the hardest things we need to do. I have two things to say to those who feel this way.  There is nothing that you have done that is so bad that God cannot (or will not) forgive, and  sometime the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. It is one of the things we need to do to heal, and so be able to get on with our lives.

When Jesus tells the crippled man “Son your sins are forgiven you”, the Pharisees are muttering in their hearts “Who can forgive sins but God”? Well its a good question and the answer is of course is nobody”. Quite apart from the fact that Jesus' response to this (Mark 2) implies that He is indeed God, the God man (more later), His response also implies that God really does have the right and the authority to forgive.   Forgiveness is an important subject and we will eventually need to consider all three aspects of it, God's forgiveness of us, our forgiveness of others (sometimes we need to forgive God – even though He has done no wrong), and our forgiveness of ourselves.

All three aspect have their costly side. It cost God to forgive us, it cost Him the death of His Son. Because of this He is just to require that we forgive others. I do not even begin to pretend that that can not also be a very costly and difficult thing. But there are also times when it is very hard to forgive ourselves. I helps me to know that when I withholding forgiveness from myself, it is sin. The reason for this is that when I do not forgive myself I am  withhold forgiveness  from one who God loves very much (me, in your case, you).  When I acknowledge that it is sin, I am also acknowledging that I need to change, that I need to repent, to  turn from it. When I do this, and know His forgiveness, then I can  then get on with my life.

As an illustration that God can and does forgive no matter what we have done, consider Psalm 51.  King David taking to God says “Against You and You only have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight”. What had he done? Well he had essentially committed murder to try and hide the adultery that he had committed with Bathsheba. Is what you have done worse than this?  I am not suggesting that we should start to grade sins, nevertheless it should be clear that if God can forgive that He can forgive anything that you have done. And He did forgive. He tells us in His Word that if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleans us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). As the hymn writer wrote  “His blood can make the foulest clean, His Blood availed for me!” The sacrifice of the spotless son of God is enough to satisfy a Holy and righteous God, and allow Him even  to be just in forgiving.

Forgiving ourselves (and others) is an important step to inner healing (and sometimes to physical healing too). I have seen physical healing unblocked after the person repeated the prayer “I give myself a gift that I don't deserve, I choose to forgive myself”. We can't earn forgiveness, either from God or from each other. If it comes, it has to come by grace (undeserved favour). It is one more reason the cross of Christ was needed. The God who loves us more than we will ever know provided it.  For this reason alone He is worthy of all praise and honour and Glory.