If you don't pay attention to reality, it will bite you in the rear end.

The story is told of the little boy who admiring his daddy's wisdom asked him how he got to be so wise.  “Experience” his father replied.  This was followed by the inquiry as to where he got the experience, to which his father replied  “I made a lot of mistakes”.  There is a least one place where I could easily be that father. I certainly made a lot of mistakes.  Did I learn from the school of hard knocks? I like to think that I did.  But I have observed that while we all make mistakes, and we all suffer from the mistakes we make, we don't all seem to learn from them. Some of us are our own worst enemies.

The people who go through broken marriages, for example,  seem to fall into one of two categories:- those who learn nothing from the experience, and those who change radically.  I have seen this over and over.   It is  common, especially in the beginning,  for both sides to lay 100% of the blame the other party.  I am sure it happens a lot outside of broken marriages too, but it may not be so open for all to see.  The problem though, is that if we don't take our share of the responsibility, we are likely to make the same mistakes over and over, and what is worse, our children are in danger (knowingly or unknowingly) of following our example  (see “I will never be like my father, never”).

 Psychology has noted that more often than not, the neglected become the neglectors, and the abused become the abusers.  Less startling perhaps is that if we did not respect our parents we are not likely to respect our spouse, and our children are not likely to respect us. If we rebelled and did not repent, we set in motion an influence,  a pressure that operates negatively in the lives of our children to follow suit (see August post “The Sins of the Fathers ...”).   This business of blaming others for everything,  of not not taking our share of the responsibility for our responses and for our own problems and difficulties,  is widespread. Sure there are faults on the other side, and sure they need to accept their part of the blame, but things will not change with me, until I am willing to take ownership of my difficulties.   It is not only the alcoholic who needs to make fearless moral inventories of his or her life (step 4 of 12 step programs).  I am the only one I can change. Many have tried to change others, it does not work, trust me!

There are always both good and bad things that get passed down from our parents and grand parents.  Sometimes we don't see the good, and sometimes we don't see the bad. Sometimes we are not allowed to see the bad (see last day's post).  Even when we see it, we very often don't take sufficient notice of it to prevent it being passed onto the next generation. In such (and many other cases) if we do not take sufficient account of reality, it will come back to haunt us.

 A primary goal for me, in the latter part of my life, is to fully engage in the ongoing process of embracing the good, and  stopping my own and my inherited dysfunctions in their tracks. And,  as  much as they will listen, to show others the path, the ongoing growing/healing process that produces positive fruit in life.  It started with my learning from the school of hard knocks that when I do not pay attention to reality,  it comes and bites me in the rear end. I came to realize that God has fashioned reality as a tool to bring us back to Himself (see “A cursed earth ...”). On the other hand experience has also  taught me that following His way, His Wisdom, His Word and His Spirit brings life and wholeness.   One way or the other, we leave a heritage to our children and to those with whom we have influence.   I want to model openness and transparency (i.e. reality) in safe relationships, and love joy peace and humility in life. I have not by any means arrived, but I have been bitten in the rear end too many times not to pay attention to the lessons that life is trying to teach me. There is a recovery saying that makes a lot of sense to me. It is this “We will not change until the fear and pain of not changing becomes more than the pain and fear of change”.  Life – reality – the laws and principles God put in place in the universe – these things are speaking to us, teaching us to turn and to repent, to come home to the lover and guardian of our souls, to the one who will guide us into all truth freedom and abundance of life.  The question is are we listening, or are we like Adam and Eve still placing all the blame on others for the persistent gnawing in our hind quarters.  We need to examine ourselves,  our own part in it all. This is God's way, and following God's ways is not only good and right and proper, it is wise!