Most parents teach their children that what they teach them is the truth even when it is a lie ..

Most parents (teachers/professors/authority figures/politicians/people) tell their children (hearers), that what they tell them is the truth, even when it is a lie, and they are not allowed to know that it is a lie, and they are not allowed to know they are not allowed to know  (I call it proof by intimidation). 

Not all professors require you to mindlessly mimic their opinion on the exam, but far too many do. And the fact that they have the power to withhold your A, puts incredible pressure on you to conform.  These things work “best” where one party has some level of power over the other one (as for example in parent child relationships). The  phenomenon I am talking about is so widespread, that most of us wander round in kind of a semi- hypnotic trance. If you wake up, you had better be careful who you tell, because those who love you the most are likely to punish you the most, because they bless them are asleep.

Let me quickly say something that (hopefully) will avoid my being misunderstood here. It is fashionable to blame our parents for everything.  But fashions do not always tell the whole story.  No parent is perfect, but then neither are their offspring.  Your parents parents were not perfect either, and your parents likely inherited a lot of garbage they were not equipped to handle (see "The sins of the Fathers ..." ). If your parents are typical, and their parents are typical,  they did their very best.  When we are hurting, we don't usually see this.  But we all have to deal with the effects on us,  of the sins and ignorance of others. Our parents did and we do. We need to play the hand we are dealt. As adults we are not helpless victims. We all need to take responsibility for our reactions to the sins of others and for our own sins. There is much to say about this.  What I want to say here, is that playing the blame game and the victim game keeps us stuck,  no matter how justified we are (or feel).  I am not suggesting this is easy.  We need help, we need a lot of help. It starts by our admitting that we need it.  The deeper the hurt the more help we need.  Life has a way of messing us up. Councilors can help, but there are times when the hurt is so deep that only God can sort it out (see “Psychology without faith is lame”).

It helps if we are willing to see our own part in all of this. We also need to make sure that we do not pass this on to others  (see “I will never be like my Father,  never" July 2010). It can start like this, we all want others to think highly of us, and we all hide things.  When we do this, knowingly or unknowingly our presenting face is a mask, it does not reflect reality.  Of course, we do not admit that what we are presenting is not realty, and it is crazy making.   Deception involves much much more than telling outright lies. This is why in court we swear  to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Omitting aspects of the truth can be  just as deceptive as telling an outright lie.  The story of Adam and Eve in Genesis tells us that before they chose to sin (the fall), they were naked and without shame.  After the fall they hid. They hid from God, from each other and from themselves.   After the fall instead of honesty, openness and transparency (nakedness without shame) they covered themselves.  We hide because we don't feel safe, and we hide because we don't want others to see our sin and our shame.    Adam and Eve blamed each other (See 'you don't believe in Adam and eve do you? - June 2010), and just like the ripple effect on a pond, the consequences went on and on and on.   It was no longer safe to be open and honest, they were covered in shame, and shame hides.

It is a downward spiral, it sucks us into its trap and imprisons us. We hide because of the fear of being exposed.  We think “If people really know what I am like, they will  reject me”. One of the things that happens in genuine Christian community (as opposed to those communities that just play church, and continue to wear masks), is that we discover how much alike we are,  how many of our  problems are universal. In a safe place like this, we also learn not to judge, because when the blinkers are off, we see that we are in no position to judge. We are all sinners saved by Grace.  It can be very humbling, but is it the place of reality, and hence of healing (James 5:16).  Such places do exist outside of genuine Christian community, but it is safest when we are willing to meet together in the shadow of the cross of Christ, in gratitude for what He has done for us. Unfortunately such places are rare, both inside and outside the church

Outside of this kind of community the fear of rejection and the fear of being judged, pushes us deeper and deeper into hiding. We need to hide the fact that we are not being open and honest.  So we cover our omissions with more deception.  We do this so convincingly at times that we even cover it from ourselves.  You see there are two kinds of shamelessness. There is the shamelessness of the prostitute (which at least is honest), and then there is the shamelessness of the Pharisee (the religious leaders of Jesus' time).  The shamelessness of  the Pharisee is a self righteousness that is blind to its  own faults. This shamelessness says “I have done nothing to be ashamed of, I am perfect”, and looks down on others not as “perfect” as himself.  But the reality is that in many things we all fail (James 3:2).  So then when we hide in this way, we are living a lie, and in order to maintain this lie, we need to tell (ourselves and others) more lies.  What this does is to set up a shame fear control stronghold in our lives. We don't allow people to know that we are living a lie, and we don't allow them to know that we don't allow them to know.