Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother… (1)

For a very long time I have been fascinated, by the connection between the wisdom of the ancient Scriptures, and secular psychology. It started years ago after hearing a psychologist talk about the common difficulty of finding a healthy separation between parents and their married offspring. And the importance of the Biblical order leaving, clinging to the wife, and becoming one flesh in this verse from Genesis 2:24 suddenly struck me.

The talk outlined various unhealthy separations. Perhaps no one, from the parents side, has the absolute correct balance between letting go on the one hand, and of abandoning their child on the other. I remember one minister talking about in-laws that become outlaws! But the difficulty is two-sided, and it is more than possible for the children to physically leave, but still be emotionally tied to the parents. This can happen through rebellion or unforgiveness. In such cases the parents live rent free in the mind of their child. You know what I mean, I am talking about situations where the very thought of the parent triggers anger or obsessive thinking.

I remember hearing that six months after your marriage, your attitude to your spouse will mirror your attitude to the parent you are most closely tied to emotionally for either good or bad. What I am saying, is that in order to have a healthy marriage, there is a need to do the often difficult work of ensuring that there is a healthy separation between offspring and parents. This is not automatically solved even when the parents have died! As part of this, while we do need to honour our parents (Exodus 20:12), we need, at the same time, to have healthy boundaries. It starts, with acknowledging there is work to be done, and it needs to start with me. I am the only one I can change!

Father, thank You for the wisdom of the ancient Scriptures. I have observed, and I am sure it’s true that anything from secular psychology that works, can be found either as a Biblical command, or a Biblical principle. It is also my observation Father, that much of the church has failed to avail itself of the Biblical pathways (recovery) to the abundant life (Exodus 20:6). But when we do Lord, I am convinced that the world will run to us (Isaiah 55:5; Psalm 51:13). Open our eyes Father that we may behold wonderful things out of your law, and we will give You all the honour and glory and praise in Jesus Name Amen