Why are you angry?

In this quote from Genesis 4:6, anger is mentioned for the first time. And according to the law of first mention, the context gives the kernel of the Bible’s teaching on this topic. In particular we see here that anger is not condemned outright (sin is crouching at your door), but that it needs to be mastered (both points in verse 7). This teaching is confirmed later for example by “be angry and sin not” (Ephesians 4:6), by the fact that Jesus himself was angry at times (Mark 3:5), and by His mastery of His anger (John 2:15).

In some Christian circles, there is strong disapproval of any expression of anger, and the disapproval is signalled one way or another. In such circles, even to raise one’s voice is considered unspiritual! But I know of at least one situation where the brother has high blood pressure. And it seems pretty obvious that it is precisely because he does not allow himself to acknowledge when he is angry. Now we all get angry at times, and we can stuff our anger, but it will come out one way or another. It can come out in a judgemental attitude, or in putdowns, or simple avoidance. And the avoidance can be of the person, or of subjects that are taboo. It is interesting to me to recall that recently, after raising a taboo subject with someone I love, the situation started to resolve itself when I asked “Why are you angry?”

It is an important question to ask ourselves, since part of the process of mastering one’s anger, is to switch from the emotional side of the brain to the cognitive side. In particular the mind and the will need to drive our decisions rather than our emotions. We need to bear in mind, that God’s question to Cain had the intention of restoring the relationship. And that needs to be ours too. But because we play complex, often unconscious games with each other, the process of unraveling what is going on is not easy. For example I have never had someone who is seeking to manipulate me say “You do realize I’m trying to manipulate you don’t you?” As I say, they may not even know they are manipulating you, it’s called rationalization and denial!

Father, it seems to me that is impossible to have a close relationship without there being times when both of us get angry. And the closer the relationship, the more anger is likely to be generated. It’s important in those relationships, to acknowledge that we are angry when we are, to master our anger, and as much as possible within us, to live at peace with each other (Romans 12:18). The process of working through these things works best when we are both willing to come to the foot of the cross, and in humility to acknowledge and confess our faults one to another (James 5:16). We need Your help to come to this place and to stay in this place, and I’m asking for it for me this morning Lord, in Jesus Name Amen