Conflict intimacy and the cross (IV) Time out

To my knowledge there are just two scriptures that speak about a timeout in relationships. The first, with no obvious context, is found in Ecclesiastes 3:5b. It says “There is a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.” The second is in 1 Corinthians 7:5 which, in the context of marital relationships, says “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, so that Satan does not tempt you.” The context of prayer and fasting may or may not be related to conflict, but it certainly can be. As recently as last night I was hearing testimonies of marriages that benefited from a timeout. But it’s not just marital relationships are can be helped by these things!

One of the songs I remember from my youth had the line “You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all.” Again this is true not only of marital relationships, but friendships in general. Being fallible humans we let each other down all the time, and as I posted earlier I am convinced that a deep and intimate relationship cannot be established without a period of conflict or mutual suffering. So we may indeed need time out to lick our wounds, to engage in the process of choosing to forgive, to figure out our own part in the conflict, and then to come together again as we submit first to God, and then to each other (Ephesians 5:21).

Taking a timeout should be a last resort, but it may be necessary at times because of the weakness of our flesh (Romans 6:19). It is best however, if we settle our disputes quickly, amiably and in love and humility. The Scripture admonishes us to “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil (Ephesians 4:26, 27). The point is, that when we leave things, they can easily fester. And as in the 1 Corinthians 7 quotation we do need “to come together again.” It is helpful to not leave this vague, but rather to agree on a time to do this. If we don’t do this, because of the weakness of our flesh, it is far too easy to “just let her slide.” In fact this is one of the many ways, we can indeed give place to the devil!

Father, I am so aware this morning of the need to commit to each other in relationships. I mean relationships seem to be one of the most, if not the most, difficult things we need to deal with in life. And if there is no commitment, we can easily drift apart at the first sign of conflict. As I said above, it may be necessary at times to take a timeout. I know this Lord because of the many times I myself have been deeply hurt. But I’m asking You this morning Lord to help me not to nurse my hurt at such times, but rather to take hold of the grace that is so readily available to us in Christ, to come again to the foot of the cross, so that I may be humbled again as I consider the price that You paid for our reconciliation, both with You and each other. And I thank and praise You again this morning Lord, for Your willingness to answer this prayer which I pray in Jesus Name Amen