Conflict intimacy and the cross (III) Confession

In my relationships, both with the Lord and with those in the here and now, I find it is easier, if I take the initiative in dealing with issues. I mean “Whom the Lord loves He disciplines” (Hebrews 12:6), but I find it goes better if I confess before I need to be disciplined. And if I need to surrender something to Him, it’s better that I do it sooner rather than later! He will have his way in the end! In a similar way if I confessed my faults in a genuine way, to those with whom I am in close relationship (James 5:16), then we may not need to engage in iron sharpening iron scenarios (Proverbs 27:17). The iron sharpening iron always sounded painful to me, and it is. But there is a promise associated with our confessing our faults one to another, and it is that we will be healed (James 5:16 again). Part of that healing of course, is in terms of a deeper intimacy.

It is been my observation, that most of us think that we have a normal childhood, and this can be the case even when it is severely dysfunctional. I remember making this statement to someone who whose family had suffered widespread sexual abuse from the father. And I remember her nodding in agreement! So what I am saying here, is that a lot of our faults are hidden even from, and perhaps especially from, ourselves. In particular if those faults have been in the family generation after generation, then part of what needs to happen, is that we need to come to terms with the fact that not only me, but others in the family have these same faults too. Admitting this can be difficult, because it may be against the family rules, such as “You don’t criticize mother!” And we can be punished for going against family rules!

So what do we need to do? Well, as in our relationship with the Lord, it is better to deal with things sooner, rather than later. I have found, that we often give nonverbal clues that something is wrong. This may be subtle or not-so-subtle such as when somebody is angry and does not try to herd hide it. The question “Is something bothering you” can be helpful. But in any case, in order to increase in intimacy, we need to develop a history of giving and taking criticism well. In particular in giving and receiving it gently, lovingly and in humility. But even better, is when we with His help figure our part in it all and then “fess up!” Most of us have a long way to go! But it is the way of the cross, and in danger of being repetitive, it is the promised way to healing (James 5:16 again).

Father, Your Word tells us that in many things we all fail, and in the context of this statement, James is specifically speaking about the tongue! He tells us, that if someone does not sin with his tongue, the same is a perfect man (James 3:2,3). And of course not one of us is perfect. So I come to You again this morning Lord, to obtain mercy, and grace to help especially in these difficult relational issues (Hebrews 4:16). Thank You again this morning Lord that You are actively at work behind all of these things for my good, to make me like Jesus, and to make me fruitful for the Kingdom (Romans 8:28, 29). You deserve all the honour and the glory and praise, I give it to You again this morning Lord in Jesus Name Amen.