The blame Game: “The woman You gave

to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). God had specifically asked Adam if He had eaten the forbidden fruit, and Adam immediately points to Eve.  Let's just think for a moment what he is saying. “I was helpless, I had no choice, what was I to do?”  Somebody offers you drugs, and you take them, or a friend  leaves a $100 bill in plain sight with nobody around, and you take it.  Do you blame the drug dealer for offering it, or your friend for leaving it there, declaring “it's not my fault?”  The popular speaker Jordon Peterson says that the room gets quiet when he suggests that people take responsibility for their actions.  What a novel idea!

It is strange to me, growing up in the 50's,  that this should come as such a huge revelation.  At that time society still largely embraced Judaeo-Christian values,  including responsibility. But from the 60's on,  the cry was for freedom from rules and regulations and such values. But is it really freedom to be unable to say no to drugs, or to temptation?  I'm not saying I always did that, and I an not saying “Do as I say, not as I do.” I am saying “Please don't do what I did it will cause you endless problems!” The verse I keep quoting says it well “we reap what we sow” (Galatians 6:7), bad choices have bad consequences.

You may have noticed that life is not fair, and I am the last one to say that we should not try and address injustices. From a personal point of view however, I need to ask myself if blaming everyone, or in fact anyone, for my situation is in my own best interest. I am not responsible for the bad things that happen to me, but I do have choices about how I respond the wrong done. And thinking of myself as a victim keeps me stuck in a very unhealthy place. I am not saying it's easy!

If the advice about not taking drugs is too late and you are addicted, you still have options. The first step of twelve-step programs is to admit our powerlessness over our addictions and compulsive behaviours. We are not completely powerless however, for we can choose, or not,  to be part of such a programme. And ultimately the steps are designed, step by step,  to bring us back to the place where we can take control of our lives. We call it taking care of our side of the street.  

The steps are genius level,  and are not just for those in addictions.  They are useful for every conceivable life issue,  including codependency. Many do not know that the founders of the original program (AA) were Christians,  and that the steps themselves are Biblically inspired.  They help us, for example, to deal with many  Biblical concepts such as unforgiveness, and bitterness and resentment. The steps are not the only route to an emotional healthy lifestyle, but one of their strengths is the support of others in recovery.

Father,  help me to come to terms with the fact that life is not fair.  It is so tempting to blame others, and it's not as if they don't deserve a lot of blame. But insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. So please help me to have reasonable expectations of myself and of life (1 Timothy 6:6). In Jesus Name Amen