Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As do stripes the inner depths of the heart

Years ago at the time of my breakdown, I was persuaded to go to a Christian psychologist. There were some good things, and there were some things that bothered me. On my first visit I had talked non-stop for two hours straight, and he shouted at me to shut up! I vowed never to return.

Shortly afterwards my daughter shared this verse with me from Proverbs 20:30, and I knew the Lord was speaking to me through it. Well it certainly hurt, and it was certainly a blow to my ego, but it enabled me to swallow my pride and go back to the man. And it did help!

It’s not easy to admit it when we are wrong, but as the Scripture says all of us are wrong in many ways (James 3:2). But we will not grow, if we are not willing to admit it when we are wrong. I’m not saying it’s easy, denial and rationalization seemed to play a large role in most of our lives. The Scripture commands us to speak the truth in love, but even when it’s spoken in love it is many times, still hard to hear. Perhaps the psychologist could have been gentler, but I’m not sure it would have worked. And who can listen to someone who speaks for two hours nonstop?

There is a relevant illustration here that I picked up from my preparation for our study on boundaries. We can’t expect to go to the dentist without experiencing some pain. This kind of pain hurts, but it does not harm us. In fact the short term pain results in long-term gain. Conversely things that feel good can actually harm us, but because they feel good, we may be resistant to seeing that we are being harmed.

If we are wanting to grow, if we are wanting to enter the fullness of life that we are promised (John 10:10b), then we need foster relationships with people who are willing to covenant with us in accountability (James 5:16). I wish I could say that this is characteristic of the church, and sometimes it is, but it has taken me a long time to find such a place. A ministry I can recommend is the recovery program Celebrate Recovery. It is a Christ centred 12-step program where all of the above is practiced and encouraged. Like you and me it's not perfect, but it is a reasonable start!

Father, I thank you for the people who were willing to speak into my life. Yes there are times when it hurts, but when it was spoken in love, it was always beneficial. Lord help me, help us, to foster safe places where we can grow up into the fullness of what you promise us in Jesus name Amen