More recently I have become aware of another area in which I need to guard my heart. This is because many times life trains us to respond in certain ways, ways that are not always healthy. For example, in a home where one of the parents is an alcoholic, the rest of the family is likely to be trained to be hypersensitive to the moods of the alcoholic. The point is that you need to walk around on eggshells as it were, never knowing what will set the alcoholic to drinking again, and with the blame falling on you. In this way we can easily become people pleasers who neglect our own needs, even in the relationships we form down the road.
In the fellowship which I lead, we have been looking at the teaching on boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. In the type of scenario mentioned above, they suggest that when personal needs are neglected, there will likely eventually be some sort of eruption. Without going into details, they suggest that this is necessary but needs to be limited. In the best case, it can start to establish a more functional relationship, in the worst case it can sever the relationship. But the point though, is that we need to to establish boundaries that let the good in, and the bad out. So this is another area in which we need to guard our hearts, this also is no easy task!
Part of the difficulty, is that we need to know ourselves, and we need to deal with our issues. Though the Scriptures have much to say about these tbings, it is unfortunately very rare to find teaching on it in the church. But the church is where it needs to be taught. I say this, because first of all it is in the context of a relationship with Christ, and of the principles, promises and power of the Scripture that we have the best chance of making this work. And secondly relationship problems can only be solved in relationship with others, it cannot be done in isolation! But we need a safe place with people who are on the same journey, and who are seeking to tap into the resources mentioned above. This is what the Church is intended to be, or at least part of what is it intended to be, a hospital for the sin sick!
Father, I need Your help to establish healthy boundaries. My natural tendency is either have none at all, or to put up walls! The serenity prayer comes to mind again, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference in Jesus name Amen.