First revisit of “Guard your heart with all diligence”

In being part of the program Celebrate Recovery, and in ministering in the prison, I come across people over and over, who have had a very traumatic childhood. It is clear that a traumatic childhood warps us, and makes it very difficult to deal with life in a functional way. I keep coming back to the saying “hurt people, hurt people!” In particular when we are hurt, and hurt deeply, then we operate out of that hurt. I use the illustration of somebody with a sore thumb. If you brush up accidentally against a person with a sore thumb, they are likely to react more strongly that if they did not have a sore thumb. Likewise in life when we are hurt, we are likely to react more strongly to circumstances and further hurts, that were it not for the deep inner wounds, we might be able to brush off lightly.

Conversely when someone has had a very functional childhood, where love and respect and gentleness were present, then that person is likely to be able to absorb the hurts and the happenstances of life in a more functional way.

But in the end it is surely a matter of degree, because we have all been hurt by life. If you haven’t just wait a while! Now when we are children we do not have the wherewithal to deal with our hurts in a functional way. We may learn to withdraw, we may react in outbursts of uncontrollable anger, or act out in various ways. And the default does seem to be that these things carry over into our adult life, so that we deal with problems in our adult life in exactly the same way we dealt with them as a child.

Enter the Scriptures: “When I Was a Child, I thought as a child, I acted as a child, but now I am a man I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). It is no coincidence that this is found in the love chapter! Note that this is an example to follow, rather than a command to obey. However, the most loving thing that I can do for myself, for my family and for those I love, is to deal with my issues. I am commanded to love, and when I seek to follow this with all of my heart, then I quickly come up against the brick wall of my inability to do so. This in fact, is one of the many crossroads we are likely to meet in life.

The response of the Christian is intended to be very different from the response of the world. The typical covenant of the world in marriage for example ends with “as long as we both shall love.” This is as I say, typical but is not always the case. In any case, God’s response to the Christian who says “but I don’t love him anymore,” is to say “love him.” When love has died the command is still to love! We can’t do this without Him, but with Him all things are possible. He tells us “We love, because He first loved us.” What he is telling us, is that the love, comfort and strength we can find in His embrace, will make up for the things that we lacked and suffered in childhood, and enable us to love where previously it was not possible!

So if it’s a crossroads, what are the two paths? Christ’s way, the way of the cross, is to throw ourselves onto the Father confessing our inability to love, then to tap into His love, and to allow it to flow through us. This is not to say it’s always going to work, because it takes two make a relationship work! But whether it works or not, it is the way to healing as we enter into the fellowship of his sufferings, and receive His power to do what otherwise is impossible [Philippians 3:10].

The other fork, the default, is simply letting her slide by'. And whether we are willing to admit it or not, this leads to the hardening of our heart and to poverty of life. It leaves us empty, keeps the bad in and the good out. This is not the route to the abundant life that He has promised!

There is more to say!

Father, help me to guard my heart by keeping it soft and open to you. This is difficult Lord, because I can get hurt again after, and hurt again after, and hurt again after, but it is the way of the cross! Have mercy on me Lord for those times when it’s just been too hard. At those times Lord bring me back to You, to Your comfort, to Your love and to Your grace, and show me where I need to go from here in Jesus name Amen